Coming Back
by TamSibling
Summary: Kara:Lee Pairing. The ghosts from Kara's captivity on New Caprica come back to haunt her, Lee notices.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Coming Back**  
>Rating: TR (For now, I don't see this straying into M/NC-17 territory, but I'll give fair warning if it does.)  
>Pairing: KaraLee, mention of Kara/Sam, Lee/Dee  
>Spoilers: Follows the Exodus, AU after that<br>Summary: The ghosts of her captivity haunt Kara. Lee notices.

Author's Note: Okay, this is long overdue. I teased new fic in like, May, and this has been languishing for quite a while. I wrote the first fifty of so pages pretty quick, but had no idea how to end it. I think I've come up with something, but I'll warn that this is WIP. However, I promise never to leave a work unfinished if I can help it. The story is currently at 70+ pages, so I'm imagining it'll be about 8-9 chapters.

Since this story is still percolating, any comments, constructive feedback or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

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Kara stared at herself in the mirror. She saw two eyes, a nose, mouth, distractedly chopped off hair. She saw skin and, apparent beneath it, bone. She saw dark shadows and a pale complexion. She saw hollowed out cheeks and a vacant expression.

She didn't see herself.

She didn't know where she was—not anymore. Not since the exodus. Sure, she pretended, fairly unconvincingly for those that knew her, to be fine, but Kara Thrace, the indomitable Starbuck was MIA.

Where did she go?

Was she left behind on New Caprica? A victim of one Cylon's obsession?

The word made her shiver and Kara turned the water on as hot as it would go, splashing the lukewarm liquid on her face. She'd been a victim only twice in her life – once, at the hands of her mother and once at the hands of the Cylons. She was uncomfortable with the term. It was normally attached to weak-willed, spineless creatures who could not or would not fight back.

Oh, Kara fought back all right—viciously—with fists and kicks and mental salvos. Kara was a fighter, it was in her make-up.

Apparently that aspect of her personality had been lost as well.

Turning off the water, Kara reached for a gray, threadbare towel. Wiping down her hands, she smoothed the rough fabric over her arms, circling the large winged tattoo there.

This should have been lost as well. The tattoo, her marriage, her frakked up excuse for normalcy. It was a pipe dream and the idea that she had once reached for it – once wanted it – made Kara's stomach turn.

"Hey, baby."

Sam's honeyed tone set her nerves on edge as his arms snaked around her waist. Kara's spine went rigid as his lips pressed softly behind her ear.

"I woke up and you were gone," he murmured against her skin. Kara stayed still. "You all right?"

"Fine. Just needed a shower." Sam stiffened behind her and then straightened, meeting her gaze with a hard one of his own that told her he'd more than understood the implication.

"That's frakkin' great, Kara."

She shrugged one shoulder, truly indifferent. She was simply glad he was no longer touching her. It unnerved her to be close, to be intimate. It wasn't possible anyway, was it? How could he touch someone who didn't exist?

"It's the truth."

"Well, that's a nice change of pace," Sam spit back as Kara dropped the towel and turned to leave. He grabbed her elbow and held firm. "We're not done."

Kara's eyes alighted to his hand clenching her skin and then slowly rose back to his face. "I fulfilled my wifely obligation, Sam," she reminded him in a low tone, glad to see his cheeks flush at the memory of the frantic, almost violent sex they'd had thirty minutes ago. "What else is there?"

"A marriage, Kara," he told her, voice dropping low. "We are married and we used to be happy."

Kara didn't remember that. She remembered no emotion but the vast yawning emptiness that currently consumed her. It seemed impossible for any other emotion to exist.

Voice lifeless, gaze steady, she easily removed Sam's hand from her arm. "Whatever else we had is done. If you want a quick frak, come and find me. If you want something else, that's your problem."

Without waiting for his rebuttal, Kara pushed open the hatch and got as far away from Sam and his pleading gaze as fast as she could.

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Kara was in trouble.

Lee had told himself he didn't care—he shouldn't care—but as the weeks following the exodus passed, he knew something was wrong with her.

She was vulnerable, contrary to popular belief; she did feel things and she felt them deeply. Lee had firsthand knowledge of course, being the one who'd held her up following Zak's death; being the one who'd forced her to finally admit she loved him under the New Caprican sky.

The memory was so sharp Lee was forced to stop, gripping the nearest bulkhead for support. How he'd hated her that next morning; how he'd hated her for the entire eighteen months they'd been on New Caprica; how he'd hated her during the four months they'd planned the return and rescue.

How he'd hated her until he'd seen her step off the Raptor, with a blonde-haired child in her arms. How he'd hated her until he'd witnessed another woman rush forward to pull the kid away from Kara, who simply stood there dumbfounded. How he'd hated her until he'd watched her push Sam away and stand there, all alone, looking absolutely lost.

Lee couldn't muster the energy to hate her anymore. Not now, when they were so firmly back in each other's orbits, her on the flight roster and acting like his hotshot, problem pilot, and him her CAG once again, giving her orders she rarely followed. But despite the severe dislike he had for her bouts of insubordination, and her damn kissable lips, he couldn't hate her. Especially not when he could see her heading for a meltdown; especially not when he knew she drank herself into a stupor most nights, sleeping anywhere but in her bunk. And certainly not sleeping with her husband as Sam spent more of his time on the Rising Star than Galactica.

"Hey, CAG."

Lee turned, forced back to the present as Hot Dog approached. "Costanza, what's up?"

"Well, I know it's not my place, but …" The kid studied the decking with an intensity he usually saved for the battered Caprican Hotties magazine he had under his mattress.

"Spit it out, Hot Dog."

"Starbuck, she, well, she just kind of went ballistic on the deck."

He bit back a curse. He was equal parts furious and concerned. Kara's outbursts had been confined to small spaces since she'd been back; never before, to his knowledge had she lost it in front of a large group of people. And for Hot Dog to risk his life (Starbuck would certainly kill him) to report it to Lee, it had to be bad.

Maybe it was finally time for him to pull his head out of his ass and approach her. Lee had hoped Kara might make the first move, but olive branches and doves had never been much her style. Fists and blood: that was Kara Thrace's language of negotiation

"Thanks, Hot Dog. Any idea where she went?"

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Kara stalked into the ready room, chest heaving with anger that didn't match the incident on the deck. It didn't matter. Ever since her return, her emotional responses were polar opposites: she either felt nothing or she felt absolute rage.

Helo called her on it first, cornered her one-day in the gym and offered to replace the heavy bag as her sparring partner. The look on his face when she refused was priceless. It was hurt and fear and just a twinge of anger all rolled into one.

He pressed for details, spending an additional ten minutes or so trying to get her to talk. When she continued to stonewall him, he simply threw up his hands and walked away.

Helo's attempt to reach Kara started a string of similar interventions by the most unlikely people: Kat, Racetrack, Hot Dog, Sharon – hell, even Tigh approached her.

Which was what had precipitated her most current rant.

"I am frakkin' fine!" she had screamed in her XO's face before hurtling the wrench she held halfway across the deck and storming off. Even now, five minutes later, Kara was still breathing hard.

Why wouldn't they just leave her be? Why couldn't any of them see that the Starbuck they had known was gone? Why couldn't they just leave her in peace to live whatever kind of worthless existence she had left? Now that she was back in the sky it was only a matter of time before she met her end.

"Captain?"

Sighing, Kara turned slowly to the door. "It's just lieutenant now, Chief."'

Galen dipped his head in apology and ventured another few steps into the room. "Everything all-"

Kara held up a hand, her eyes boring into his and making him blush. "I swear to the Gods, if you ask me if I'm all right, I'll make it so Nicky is your only offspring."

Kara expected Galen to shrink away at her threat, it normally worked on everyone else. Instead, he surprised her and simply laughed, a deep chuckle that echoed in the room. "I've no doubt, Lieutenant."

Kara couldn't hide the small smirk that graced her lips. Despite everything, the Chief was still an easy-going guy, still able to offer a smile.

"Look, before … on the deck." Kara sucked at apologies. She often felt remorse, but the ability to actually verbalize it seemed beyond her. "I'm sorry."

Galen's smile simply widened. "Considering the past few months, I figure you're entitled to throw more than a wrench."

Kara felt the color drain from her face. So, he was going to pry. "Chief-"

"Starbuck." For some reason she let him interrupt. "I'm not saying any of us are gonna understand what you went through." Kara's eyes cut to the floor, studying the gray decking as the Chief continued. "But a lot of us were down there too, L.T. And we'd be willing to listen."

Kara only nodded, unable to speak. She knew there were people who wanted to help her or at least pretended. But Kara knew it wouldn't help. Admitting what had happened on New Caprica, what she'd gone through, what she lost, wouldn't lessen her pain.

It would lessen everyone else's guilt. Kara was less than concerned. The Chief cleared his throat, bringing Kara's mind back to the present. He turned to go and the next words out of her mouth surprised her. "Chief, do you – Do you ever think this is a dream?" She forced her eyes to his face, not surprised to see compassion shining back at her. "Ever think we weren't really rescued?"

It was one possible explanation for the – well, everything she felt. Or didn't. One possible reasoning for the numbness; the only one she could remotely handle.

"At least twice a day," the Chief confided with a heavy sigh.

Kara's eyes widened as he gave credence to her worst fear. "What if it is?"

He sighed again, the exhalation causing his shoulders to sag. "The worst thing the Cylons did was break us, Kara." He held her gaze and Kara couldn't speak, couldn't breathe for the understanding she saw reflected back at her. "Don't let them keep doing it. We're back home, back with our friends, our family." He slapped the nearest wall, a metallic ring echoing past her – through her. "She's as solid as the day she was made."

Kara nodded slightly, unaware she was once again alone until she heard the hatch close. Glancing around the empty, dim room, Kara felt the weight of the place pushing down her.

Memories invaded her consciousness: laughs shared over mission briefings and pilot meetings; shouts exchanged in heated battles. Hot Dog, Racetrack, Helo, Kat, Crashdown, Flattop, Boomer … endless names matched with faces, smiles, twinkling eyes and hard glares. Kara felt the room tilt and reached out a hand, steadying herself against the podium.

Faces, eyes, smiles all coalesced into one unforgettable set – Lee.

She bowed her head, banishing the immediate sense memory his name brought. She didn't have the emotional wherewithal or the physical strength to relive their night on New Caprica. Their night and the next morning when she'd done everything in her power to push him away. And it had worked – spectacularly.

Kara shivered, hands rubbing along her bare arms. She was always so cold now. It was as if the damp chill from the planet had melded to her bones, sinking into the marrow until it was only ice.

She needed to get out of here now. Before someone found her and asked again if she wanted to talk.

"Kara."

Lee's voice cut her to the core and she visibly gasped, glad her hand was still bracing the podium. Turning, she caught only a flash of his blue eyes before she found it hard to breathe.

Without a word, she brushed past him and hit the corridor beyond at a run.

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He followed her to the gym, keeping his distance so as not to spook her, but making sure to keep her in his line of sight as well. The pure desolation he'd seen in Kara's eyes for the split second she'd looked at him in the rec room had stolen Lee's breath. He had known Kara Thrace for quite a while and never before had he seen her look that lost. Never before had he felt, just by looking at her, that she was slipping away.

Lee slowed his pace once he reached the gym, taking a quick peek inside to find Kara lacing up gloves, ready to again pound the heavy bag into submission. Surprisingly, she was the gym's only occupant. He hung back, still not sure if he should even try and approach her. There were so many things he wanted to say. So many things he wanted to do, the least of which was wrap her up in his arms and hold on tight. He doubted she'd ever let him.

When the only sound he could hear was the steady thump of her wrists against the bag, Lee decided it was all or nothing. Being Kara's friend—loving Kara—was never easy. There was no reason that should change now.

He entered the room, closing the hatch and spinning the wheel to deter any unexpected guests. For a moment, he indulged in just watching her. Since her return, Kara had done everything she could to avoid him, disappearing immediately after CAPs, sliding into briefings just seconds before they began, avoiding the bunkroom at all costs. He hadn't even seen her in the head except for maybe once. Lee had briefly entertained the idea of seeking her out in the enlisted's bathroom, following her there and demanding answers, but he knew it was too personal. And he knew that if confronted with Kara's naked form, he was as likely to hug as punch her. He didn't think she'd take kindly to either response.

Silence forced him to focus on her again, and he inhaled a silent breath as Kara fell forward, arms loosely wrapped around the bag, as she took large, gulping breaths. For a moment he thought she might be crying. The idea made him panic even more.

Taking a step forward, Lee cleared his throat. It had the desired effect; Kara all but jumped out of her skin, whirling to face him. Red-faced and sweaty, with her hair clinging to her temples and the front of her tanks soaked, she narrowed her eyes at him, giving him her best glare before deliberately turning away. She brought one glove to her mouth, beginning to rip it off with her teeth and Lee knew he had maybe five minutes before she fled. He couldn't let her.

"Kara, tell me what happened on New Caprica."

Her body went completely still, one glove dangling from her left hand. Lee held his breath, waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to react in some way, but after another minute, there was nothing. She simply shook her head once and then continued to work at her gloves.

Lee knew he was asking for trouble, at the very least he suspected he wouldn't leave this room without at least a black eye. But he had to know. He had thought distancing himself from Kara, forcing himself to forget, would ease the ache in his chest, would ease the longing he felt for her night after night. For a time, he had used Dee as a poor substitute, ending that charade shortly after they'd jumped away from New Caprica. Leaving Kara behind, possibly for good, had forced him to realize that he would never be rid of her. There was no place in this universe he could go where Kara's memory, her body, her fire, her love, would not haunt him.

So now, he was haunted with images of things that might have happened on the surface, horrendous, dark scenarios that Lee's subconscious created to explain her behavior since the exodus. Not knowing for sure was slowly driving him mad.

"Kara, talk to me."

"Nothing happened." She threw at him over her shoulder, shoving the gloves into a locker and starting to pick at the tape underneath. "The Cylons came. They took over. We rebelled. The end."

He took a breath, considering. Kara was quickly spiraling out of control, like a viper with a clipped wing. And regardless of anything else they might be to each other, she was his wingman. It was his job to save her from herself, in the sky or out of it.

Determining that today was as good a day to die as any other, he stepped forward, and managed to get his hand on her elbow, tugging her to face him. She whirled body tense for a fight and Lee relaxed his hold immediately. But he didn't let go. Instead, he kept his hand on her forearm, stroking the ridiculously soft skin near her elbow. He stared at her, holding her gaze, silently daring her to shrug him off, but she didn't. He swore he heard the slightest hitch in her breath as he took a step closer and lowered his voice.

"Kara, please. Tell me what happened."

She swallowed so hard he saw it and his eyes were momentarily focused on the long column of her neck. Gods, despite his anger, despite his very wounded pride, he wanted to attach his lips there and taste her. He missed her.

"You don't want to know, Lee." She pulled her arm free finally, but didn't wrench it away as he'd feared. "Drop it."

Lee sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt his tension pooling at the top of his spine. "I want to help," he told her, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

"Bullshit," she spat, taking a step closer and lowering her voice to a deadly growl once more. "This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and your guilt."

Eyes wide, Lee stared at her for a moment, trying to find the logic in her statement. When he couldn't piece it together, he asked, "Guilt over what?"

Her eyes darted to the opposite wall, arms folding across her chest. He would have said the stance was defiant, but the closer he looked the more Lee was convinced it was defensive. She was protecting herself again—from him. The pain of that cut deeper than just about any other.

"You left us there," she told him, voice still low but enough venom dripping from her lips to fell a small mammal. "You and the fleet ran away the minute the Cylons showed up. You left us!" Her last statement was a strangled shout and it left her trembling. Backing away from him, she slumped against the nearest wall and again took large, heaving breaths.

Lee watched in stunned silence waiting for whatever she was going to say next. He couldn't have formed a reply if he'd tried. After several moments, she lifted her eyes to his. Some of the anger had faded, but the betrayal and sadness were still there. "As far as I'm concerned, you forfeited any right to know what happened the minute you jumped away."

He had no response. Lee simply stood there, shocked as Kara held his gaze for another moment and then quickly left.

He let her go. He could barely breathe past the thundering of his heart. Guilt and anger at himself, the Cylons, the Fleet; emotions he had tried to bury over the past few months raged within him. He knew she was right. Knew it deep down, in his bones. Knew it because he had told himself the same thing every night they had been away from New Caprica. It had been his idea, his cowardice that had caused them to run—his fear that had left Kara there. She had every right to be furious with him.

Lee leaned heavily against the wall, uncertain where to go from here. Penetrating Kara Thrace's defenses was nothing short of a full-scale invasion. Lee wasn't at all convinced he could do it. True, he'd been waffling for the last few weeks, uncertain if approaching her was the right thing to do; uncertain if he could without lashing out at her for leaving him, naked and alone on New Caprica; for marrying another man.

But knowing Kara as he did, knowing the warning signs, he also knew none of this was about him. It was about Kara, about restoring her faith in him, in the fleet, in herself. It was about making her feel safe without her even realizing it. A tall order sure, but Lee was done pretending Kara's pain didn't effect him. Often, it was the only thing that did.

With a long sigh, Lee studied the deserted gym. He wasn't certain anything would help Kara move past all that had happened, but he was going to try.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Coming Back, Chapter 2/?**  
>Pairing: LeeKara  
>Rating: T  PG-13  
>Spoliers: Anything post Exodus Pt. 2 - Season 3<br>Summary: Kara is barely holding on after her captivity on New Caprica. How long can she pretend everything's okay?  
>AN: Thanks to everyone for your awesome comments on Chapter 1 - I am humbled by your support and enthusiasm. Here's hoping you like the next set of developments.

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Chapter 2

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An uneventful CAP already had Starbuck on edge. She all but vaulted down the ladder, thrusting her helmet at the first knuckle dragger she saw. Violently taking the post-flight checklist from him, she scribbled her name along the bottom and handed it back to him wordlessly.

No one dared approach her as she left the deck. The anger and frustration rolled off her in waves, creating a visible barrier between every one else and her. She needed a drink—hell, she needed 50 drinks and a nice, quiet and empty supply closet, so she wouldn't have to go back to her bunk and smell Sam's scent still on the sheets, or play triad in the rec room and pretend she was enjoying herself. She was so tired of pretending.

Stripping her flight suit down to her waist, she tied the sleeves together. She just needed a set of fatigues and she'd be good to wallow until her next shift in six hours.

"Kara?"

She stopped, the voice vaguely recognizable, but not identifiable. Whoever it was they didn't know her very well; anybody with two brain cells to rub together would know this was not the time.

Turning, she began to say, "Look, I—" But then stopped abruptly as she recognized Julia Brynne standing before her, holding Kacey in her arms. The little girl's blonde head rested against her mother's shoulder, and even from this distance Kara could see the hair at her temples was matted with sweat. And she was whimpering softly even as Julia patted her back gently.

"Julia, I—"

"Kara, thank the Gods." Julia approached, clamping a strong hand around Kara's forearm, drawing them together in close proximity. "I need your help."

She tried to focus on the frantic woman, she really did, but seeing Kacey again had dislodged something inside her and now all she wanted to do was hold her. Instead, she placed a gentle, hesitant hand to Kacey's back, startled when she realized she was sweating through her clothes.

"What's wrong?" Kara demanded, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. Julia was supposed to take care of Kacey, not allow her to be sick.

The other woman's eyes welled with tears. Kara wasn't normally moved by such a show of emotion, but then she heard Kacey's small voice. "Kawa. Kawa."

And again a large chunk of something broke off inside her, twisting and turning her gut. "Hi, honey. I've missed you."

"Kara, I don't know what happened. She wasn't feeling well yesterday, but when she woke up this morning, she was running a high fever and I couldn't even get her out of bed …"

"What did the docs say?" Kara knew Camp Oil Slick wasn't the best place, but there had to be some type of medical care.

Julia shook her head. "That I should keep her cool and wait. But, Kara, she hasn't kept anything down for over twelve hours, not even water."

Kara fingered one of Kacey's curls, placing it gently behind the girl's ear. The little one turned at her touch and a memory of the child in a hospital bed with a white bandage wrapped around her head flashed through her mind. She had promised at that moment to do whatever it took to keep Kacey safe. Even if it meant tolerating a Cylon's touch.

"Come with me," Kara told her, turning abruptly and heading toward Life Station.

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"Gods, Kara, I'm so sorry about this," Julia Brynne said for the hundredth time since finding Kara an hour ago. "Are you sure there isn't somewhere else you need to be?"

Kara shook her head, her eyes focused on Kacey's sleeping form. The two-year-old looked painfully small in the adult-sized Life Station bed. "Nope, not until I know she's okay," Kara answered softly, holding Kacey's tiny hand in her own.

"I don't know what happened," Julia confided, choosing to pace at the foot of her daughter's bed. "She was fussy for a few days. And then I thought maybe it was something she ate, but—"

Kara did her best not to snap at the irritating, and obviously concerned mother. "The doc said it's just the flu." She risked glancing to the woman and gave her a small smile. "It's not your fault."

Julia gave her a tight smile before ducking her head and Kara turned her attention back to Kacey. Her skin was so pale, her breathing labored. She hated the sight of the IV in her arm, but knew the little girl needed the nutrients carried through the tube. Still, it brought back dark memories of Cylon doctors and baby farms. Just as Julia had brought Kacey to her begging for help had reminded her of Leoben and the little girl lying at the foot of the stairs.

"Thank you, Kara," Julia said softly and Kara realized she was standing beside her. "Thank you for helping her. I knew she wouldn't get the kind of treatment she needed in the camp."

Kara simply nodded. They kept their silence for a few minutes. Kara absently wondered what time it was. She knew it was a while before her next CAP, but she had the faintest inkling that there was a maintenance shift she was supposed to be at. She wasn't worried enough to actually check. There was nothing that would take her from Kacey's side right now anyway, not even a Cylon attack.

The curtain rustled, admitting a grumpy Doc Cottle. "Thrace, this is beyond unacceptable."

Kara rose to face him, bracing herself for a fight. When she'd brought Kacey in, the nurses had immediately treated her, having learned to handle emergency situations almost by rote. Now that Kacey had been fully admitted though, Kara knew Cottle was going to fight her. Life Station was strictly for the treatment of military personnel, not sick little girls.

"She needs help, doc," Kara reminded him, forcing her voice steady; forcing herself not to remember how terrified she'd been upon seeing the feverish little girl in her mother's arms. "You know she won't get it down at the camp. You know they don't have the medicine or the time or the patience or even the blankets to keep her warm enough."

She took a few steps forward as she spoke, surprised by the anger that was burning in her gut. She shouldn't be; she was angry all the time now: angry at herself, at Sam, at Leoben, at Cylons, at the universe in general. Being mad at Cottle was actually the most logical feeling she'd had since returning from New Caprica. She wasn't going to sit by and watch him deny a sick child treatment; not while she was still breathing at any rate.

"Thrace, I can't start making exceptions," Cottle told her, lowering his voice. Taking her by the elbow, he led her to the edge of the curtained area and away from Julia. "If anyone finds out she's here, my sick bay will be flooded with refugees all begging for help."

"No one's going to find out," Kara hissed, wrenching her arm out of his grip. She didn't like to be touched, not now. "Julia won't tell anyone. And hardly anybody saw us on the way here."

She watched as Cottle stared at her, then took in Kacey's prone form on the bed behind her. Kara saw a crack in his formidable demeanor and decided to stomp on it. Dropping her voice to a soft plea, she said, "Please, doc. She's just a kid."

As if he knew she was manipulating him, Cottle's expression hardened in a second. "If you can get the Admiral to clear it, then she can stay. Otherwise, she goes in the morning."

Kara released a breath, feeling two parts relieved and about a million parts terrified. Talking to the Old Man wasn't really her favorite thing at the moment. He'd barely looked at her after returning from the surface. She guessed Lee had filled his head with hateful (and probably true) things while she'd been gone; she guessed Adama was simply being loyal to his blood family, finally realizing that Kara Thrace had always caused him far more trouble than she was worth.

Glancing over her shoulder, she watched Julia lightly run her hand through Kacey's blonde curls, the mother's soft hum reaching Kara's ears and making her eyes incredibly tight. Blinking quickly, she told him, "Fine. I'll talk to the Admiral." Looking back at them once more, she ordered, "Just make sure they're okay," before striding for the exit realizing she had to keep moving if she was going to do this. Stopping meant thinking and Kara couldn't afford that.

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Kara knew it was a risk to ask the Old Man for help, but at this moment, she didn't know what her other choice was. Kacey was sick and the sight of her in that bed, sweating out an infection and trying to keep her eyes open cut Kara deeper than any knife.

Turning into the corridor outside CIC, she kept her head down, walking purposefully forward.

"Kara!"

She froze at the sound of his voice, wondering what would happen if she ignored him. Past history would indicate they'd end up trading barbs or blows—probably both.

Stopping in front of the CO's hatch, she didn't turn to face him, but asked, "What do you want?"

"You're due on the deck," Lee reminded her. She could sense his approach, his presence behind her so familiar. "Did you forget or are you trying to be insubordinate?"

Kara turned. She had expected Lee to be angry, but she hadn't expected to see sympathy in his gaze. It was the same soft look he'd given her the other day in the gym and Kara felt her stomach fall to her feet at just the hint of that much concern. "Something came up."

He stepped forward, holding her gently above the elbow as though afraid she'd flee. After months of not being touched and a few weeks of Sam's sexual demands, the soft feel of Lee's thumb stroking a lazy path along the crease in her elbow was dizzying.

"You can do better than that, Kara."

Jerking away from him, she felt her mind shut itself off again. She couldn't let this happen again, couldn't be fooled into thinking things were going to get better.

"Maybe it's none of your business, Lee," she spat, forcing herself to move away from him.

"Kara." His tone compelled her to meet his gaze and she regretted it. There was something in his eyes that pulled at her heart, that hard, cold organ in the middle of her chest that had lain dormant for months. And frak, it hurt. It made her inhale sharply, small black dots clouding her vision, making it hard to see, to breathe. And so she pushed him away.

"Kara."

He reached for her again, but Kara sidestepped him successfully this time. She had already knocked and been given permission to enter, by the time Lee recovered. He made a move to follow her through the open hatch and she paused, glaring. "This is none of your business, major."

"Considering you're currently shirking your duties as a member of the Colonial Fleet, I think it is plenty my business."

Frak. Kara thought about decking him, knocking him down long enough to get inside and close the door. But punching Lee in such close proximity to the Admiral would only land her in more trouble. She chose to ignore him instead.

"Lieutenant" the Admiral greeted her, taking in Lee's form over her shoulder. "Major. This is a surprise. To what do I owe the honor?"

"Do you want to tell him?" Lee demanded, causing Kara to whirl, fist clenched. "Or should I?"

"Shut up, Major," she bit out. Gods, she had never wanted to hit someone so badly before in her life, which for Kara was really saying something.

"Watch your tone, Lieutenant." The earlier softness she'd seen was all but gone now. Now, there was only anger in Lee's eyes. It was a typical state for their relationship; caring and concern one minute, blind hatred the next.

"Maybe you should both be quiet and just tell me what's going on," Adama said, forcing Kara to face front and meet his hard gaze.

Standing ramrod straight, Kara focused her eyes just over the Admiral's shoulder and schooled her voice not to crack. "I'm currently late for a maintenance shift, sir, because I was in Life Station."

The feeling of Lee's hand on the small of her back almost undid all of Kara's resolve. "Why didn't you say something? Are you okay?"

She refused to turn and meet his gaze, knowing those damn blue eyes would do her in for sure. Nodding once, she kept her focus straight ahead and said, "Yes. I'm fine. Unfortunately, Kacey Brynne isn't. Her mother, Julia, came to me and asked me to take her to Life Station. Julia was afraid Kacey wouldn't get the kind of care she needed in Camp Oil Slick."

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Adama's quick flick of his gaze to Lee before focusing on her again. Leaning back in his chair, he said, "I think you better start from the beginning, Kara."

Great, now it was Kara. Were these men trying to undo her? Pressing her fingernails into her palms so hard it hurt, Kara resolved not to breakdown.

"I met Kacey on New Caprica. She's two years old and she's very sweet. Her mother and I became friends." It was true, in a way. "Since we've been back, they've been living in one of the refugee camps. Kacey became very ill this morning and Julia panicked. She tracked me down right after my CAP and begged me to help Kacey, so I took her to Cottle."

Both Adama and Lee were silent as she finished. Lee was still standing unbelievably close, but he'd dropped his hand from her back and she was simultaneously grateful and distraught. She'd had no idea how much she'd missed even the smallest show of comfort.

"Where is Kacey now?" the Admiral asked.

"In Life Station, hooked up to an IV. Cottle says she's got a bad strain of the flu. She can't keep down any solid food." Swallowing hard, Kara added, "He also says she can't stay there unless you approve it."

She figured the Admiral knew this already. He simply nodded once and then stayed silent.

"She's the little girl," Lee breathed from beside her. Without thinking she turned to face him and had to dig her fingernails into her palm just a little harder to keep the tears in. When brought to bear on a single person, his blue eyes could make even the hardest woman a puddle of goo. "When you came back, you were holding a little girl. It was Kacey."

Kara nodded, knowing she'd never be able to speak and keep her voice steady. And any sign of weakness right now would be far too much.

"You understand why Cottle is upset, right Kara?" the Admiral asked, drawing Kara's attention front.

"Yes, sir. I know the military needs those resources and I know that Cottle and his team are supposed to be dedicated to us, but …" She stopped for a second feeling a ball of emotion she wouldn't be able to stop bubbling up her throat. It took her a full minute to force it back down. "But Kacey is sick, sir, really sick. And I honestly think that if she wasn't getting treatment from Cottle right now, she'd die."

It was true. Too many people had been lost since the attack on the colonies to the most ridiculous causes: colds, flu, pneumonia, infection. Health issues that would have been easily treatable back home were now cause for widespread concern and an inordinate amount of death. It was simply another fall-out from the apocalypse.

The Admiral sighed heavily, studying her closely and she did her best not to flinch. Both Lee and the Old Man had the uncanny ability to make her feel as though she were standing in a spotlight whenever she was subjected to their scrutiny.

"Kacey can stay in Life Station until Cottle gives her the all clear," the Admiral finally decreed. "I'll call him and let him know."

"Thank you, sir. Thank you so much." Kara had never been so grateful for anything in her entire life.

Forgetting that she was still an officer and therefore not free to come and go as she pleased, Kara turned to leave, eager to get back to Kacey. However, the Admiral's gruff voice stopped her. "You're not dismissed, Lieutenant."

She froze, an involuntary chill coursing down her spine. The idea that she couldn't leave this room of her own free will was maddening—and reminded her far too much of Leoben. Turning slowly, she caught a glimpse of Lee's face. He appeared to be hovering between anger and compassion for her. She didn't know which was worse.

"Sir?"

"There's still the little matter of you missing a shift, Starbuck. Dereliction of duty during wartime is a serious offense," the Old Man reminded her.

"Admiral, I think under the circumstances, we can let this slide," Apollo said from behind her and she'd never been so relieved to hear his voice. "A night in the brig would be more than sufficient."

Adama rounded his desk to stand before them both. However, his unforgiving gaze was for Kara alone. "No matter the reason, Starbuck, it is unacceptable to forego your responsibilities. I have to say that since your return, I've questioned your dedication to this fleet."

Kara's head jerked back as though he'd slapped her. He might as well have. "Sir, with all due respect—"

"Silence, Lieutenant." She could tell the Old Man was building up a head of steam for something. She bit her lip, obeying his order to stay quiet.

He looked her up and down once more before declaring, "Starbuck, I'm revoking your flight status. Effective immediately."

Her heart almost beat out of her chest as his words registered. They couldn't take her out of the sky. "What?" she exclaimed feeling as though she were in freefall.

"Admiral, I'd very much like to discuss this with you. In private," Lee told him, taking another step closer to his father.

Adama dismissed him. "This isn't the CAG's call," he told them both, heading back to his desk.

Forcing herself back to attention, Kara addressed Adama, fighting to keep the tremor out of her voice. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

He met her gaze. "You really want to see how much further you can dig your own grave?" Waving his hand dismissively, he said, "Granted."

"What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?"

"You need to make a decision, Lieutenant. A decision about how you want to live your life now. What you want it to be about." Adama resumed his seat. "Your flying since you've returned has bordered on suicidal, and your attitude is toxic to the rest of the air group. You need to move on," he told her. "Whatever happened on New Caprica, you need to move past it. You survived, Lieutenant."

She wanted to scream, wanted to rage and she really wanted to hit something. When had just surviving become acceptable? "With all due respect, sir, you're talking out of your ass."

"Lieutenant," Adama barked, rising and fixing her with his own fierce stare. "That's enough."

"Really? I think it's barely a start." Kara glared for a moment more, her arms and legs tingling with rage, her heart pounding with anger.

Without waiting for a dismissal, she turned to go, throwing open the hatch and stalking away.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

As soon as Kara was gone, Lee demanded, "Do you honestly think keeping Starbuck from the sky is the best way to handle this?" He knew his father was a smart man, military smart, steeped in strategy and tactical training. But this was frakkin' stupid. "She'll die if we keep her out of the cockpit."

"Quite an incentive, don't you think?"

Now Lee knew his father was insane. "Kara doesn't respond well to ultimatums, dad." Lee knew that first hand. "You do this, she'll slip even further away from us, from-" Lee stopped himself just in time. His father didn't need to know Kara's silence was assuredly killing Lee just as much as it was killing her.

"I happen to disagree. Kara needs something to fight for. I'm going to make it her flight status."

Lee knew that tone. This discussion was over. "This is a mistake, sir," he ground out before leaving, forcing himself not to think of what Kara might do when confronted with no chance to fly.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Coming Back – 3/?

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Spoilers: Anything after Exodus Part 2 (S3)

Summary: Adama may have grounded Starbuck, but she has other concerns. Namely, a little girl named Kacey.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone for your very kind and flattering comments regarding this story. I was able to knock out a bit more of the ending today and I think I now at least know where I'm heading. So glad you all liked the inclusion of Kacey. When I first considered this story, I knew she would have to make an appearance.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Chapter 3

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara had lost track of time. She had managed to convince Julia to return to the Camp and get some sleep. The woman had thanked her, told her how much she appreciated Kara taking the time to watch over Kacey.

She'd smiled and told her she was happy to do it and that was the truth. But her motives were far more selfish. She needed to do this. She needed to sit with Kacey and remember those few days when, despite being Leoben's prisoner, they had laughed and played and painted. Kacey had been the only thing that managed to get her through those last two weeks. Knowing she had to be strong in order to get Kacey out of that hell was the best kind of motivation.

Having her taken away the minute they were back on Galatica had left her devastated.

She settled more into the chair at Kacey's bedside, one of Life Station's scratchy blankets draped over her. She knew she should try and sleep; Cottle was pretty certain Kacey wouldn't wake for another few hours at least. Her body needed the rest in order to fight the infection.

But Kara was fighting it, fighting sleep. When she slept she dreamed. She'd thought for a second about grabbing a bottle of the chief's finest and drinking herself to sleep as she had for the past few months, but she knew it would dull her reflexes. If Kacey did manage to wake, Kara might not hear her and she couldn't bear the thought.

So, it was with great reluctance that she finally drifted off, head cocked at an uncomfortable angle on the back of the chair. She said a silent prayer before she succumbed completely that she would sleep untroubled.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee had replaced Kara's name on the schedule with his own, forcing him to fly two back-to-back CAPs. He'd made the normal complaints in front of the other pilots about the unfairness of it all, but truthfully, he didn't mind. At least it gave him time to think about Kara and how to help her.

After six hours of nothing but black space and silence, he still didn't have a frakkin' clue, because he barely knew a tenth of the real story. And his lack of information was severely limiting.

He showered quickly, shrugging into a pair of sweats and his work shirt before heading for Life Station; he knew that's where Kara would be and he hoped he might persuade her to talk. Kara was always her most open in the middle of the night. Lee knew it was a bit unfair to prey on her when he knew she'd be fighting her demons, but he wasn't above playing dirty, not when Kara was so obviously hurting. Not when her pain was his pain.

Reaching Life Station, he entered on silent feet, not wanting to alert anyone to his presence. He found Kacey's curtained area easily enough and slid in between the gap, not at all sure what he would see. The sight actually made him stop for a moment. Kara's blonde head was illuminated from the soft bedside light. She was asleep at Kacey's bedside, body bent into a chair, a blanket covering most of her. Kacey was still out as well, her equally blonde head shining in the dim lighting.

The resemblance between the two girls was uncanny. The same golden blonde hair, the same rounded cheeks, the same small nose and red lips. Lee's breath hitched for a second as he suddenly considered why Kara had been holding Kacey when she'd returned from the surface. Why she'd looked so completely bereft when the girl's mother had taken her away. Gods, he honestly hadn't thought the Cylons were that cruel, but memories of Kara's experience on Caprica started to coalesce in his brain. He thought maybe he had the whole picture, but just as quickly he dismissed it.

It was ridiculous to think the Cylons would have tried to convince Kara she was a mother. What would be the purpose?

No, it wasn't a Cylon plot, it was simply an example of Lee's wishful thinking. Of his hope that one day he and Kara would have a bright, shiny future and a dozen kids who looked like Kacey.

Kara shifted slightly, knocking the blanket to the floor and Lee found himself moving toward her on autopilot. Picking it up, he put it back over her, doing his best to cover as much of her as he could. It could get damn cold on Galactica.

He knew he was staring, but he couldn't stop. Leaning over her, he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Sleep well, Kara." He held the pose for a second, inhaling the scent of her.

He had hoped not to disturb her, but the minute his lips left her skin she moaned. It was a long, pained sound and Lee's heart constricted. He knelt next to her, trying to make out her face in the dim light. It was scrunched into a look of pure pain and as he stared, she started to stir, eyes still closed. She was dreaming.

"No, no, Kacey. Please, honey." Her words came out in breathless pants, and Lee scooted closer, trying to understand. "I didn't mean it, Kace, I promise." She moaned again and just as Lee was about to wake her, she cried out, "Give her to me!"

Abruptly, she sat up, eyes wide and luminous, body heaving with fear from her nightmare. Stunned, Lee was still for a second, before placing a hand to her knee. "Kara?"

Her reaction was immediate. She quickly struck out, catching him hard across the cheek and sending him onto his back to the floor. As he was still trying to clear the stars from his vision, she pounced, straddling him while continuing to hit him, hands balled into fists.

"I told you never to call me that." Her voice was a growl, low and feral and Lee blinked, trying to right his vision, trying to see her.

It was difficult to deflect her blows from his position, but he knew if she landed even half her punches he'd have a wicked concussion. Reaching toward her, he grabbed for her wrists, trying to stop her. "Kara, stop. It's me."

He finally managed to get a hold of one wrist and using all the strength he possessed, he pulled her down hard on top of him, trapping the other hand between them. She struggled like a wild animal desperate to be free, but now, Lee had enough leverage to switch their positions. He rolled them over, tucking Kara beneath him, trapping her lower body with his legs so she couldn't kick.

"Let go of me, you frakkin' toaster!" she screamed.

Lee felt his heart drop to his feet, but did not grant her request. Moving his mouth to her ear, he said evenly, "Kara, stop. You're safe here."

"What the hell?"

Lee glanced up quickly to see Ishay hovering at the edge of the curtain, obviously roused by Kara's screaming and their fight. "Get me something to calm her down," he ordered, not wanting to drug Kara but knowing that in her current state she'd never settle on her own.

The nurse left and Lee focused his attention back on the woman writhing beneath him. Gods, he'd pictured this a million different ways since that night on New Caprica but it had never been like this. "Kara, I want you to stop fighting. You're safe. You're on Galactica," he spoke in the calmest voice he possessed even as his heart felt like it might frakkin' beat out of his chest.

"Leoben, let me go," she growled, trying one more time to dislodge him, but Lee held firm. His heart raced as more of Kara's experience on the planet solidified itself with that one statement.

"Oh Gods, Kara," he whispered, dropping his forehead to her shoulder. "What did they do to you?"

Ishay arrived before Kara could do any more damage, managing to inject her arm with a light sedative that had Kara passing out. It took Lee a few extra minutes to extricate himself from her. Now that he was holding her, no matter the circumstance, he didn't want to let go.

"We need to get her to a bunk," the nurse said, as Lee rose, pulling Kara up to her feet and then swinging her unconscious form into his arms.

"Just point the way," he told her.

Ishay didn't comment, simply headed for an empty bed with Lee behind her. As he got her settled, he told the nurse, "Call Kacey's mom. Kara would flip if she thought she was alone."

The nurse nodded and once again left them alone. Lee took off Kara's boots, dropping them at the end of the bed, before tucking her legs into the covers and pulling the blankets up to her shoulders.

Now that she was in a resting state, Lee took a thorough inventory of her. She had lost muscle mass in the past few months and her skin was an unhealthy shade of white. The bags beneath her eyes were growing by the day, and her cheeks once pink and healthy were now hollow. The woman who'd returned from New Caprica was in no way the woman he'd known for over five years. It made him hurt.

"Sir." He turned his head sharply, unprepared for the intrusion to find Ishay standing at the curtain. "Can I take a look at your wounds?"

Lee blinked once, before nodding, realizing as she approached that his face was indeed throbbing in a few places. And was that the taste of blood?

Impulsively, Lee reached for Kara's hand as Ishay began to work, feeling better with just a bit of contact. Wincing as the antiseptic stung a particularly abraded bit of skin, Lee glanced to Kara's hands, noting her knuckles had split in a few places and were starting to swell.

"Can you take care of Kara's hands, too?" he asked quietly, surprised at how rough his voice was.

"Of course, Major," the nurse said softly, placing a butterfly bandage over a cut on his cheek, before handing him two pills. He glanced up at her, the question in his eyes. "For the pain," she explained. "I promise, they won't knock you out, but they'll help you heal."

He nodded, swallowing them dry and then focused as Ishay tended to Kara. Before he was even aware, they were alone again, a few bandages on Kara's knuckles where she'd done the most damage.

He lifted the hand he held to his face, placing his lips gently against the damaged skin. She seemed so peaceful now. It was a direct contrast to how she'd reacted at being awakened. Knowing that she thought he was a Cylon made his stomach churn. What had happened on that planet? And why didn't anyone know?

"Oh my Gods."

Lee looked up abruptly to see a young woman standing uncertainly before Kara's bed, a hand to her mouth. "What happened?" she asked, glancing to Lee.

He had to clear his throat a few times before he could speak. "She had a bit of a nightmare and became disoriented."

"I knew I should have insisted she get some rest," the woman said, stepping closer to the bed, sad eyes intent on its still occupant. "I know she cares for Kacey, but she should be taking care of herself."

The woman's identity clicked. "You're Kacey's mother. Julia?" he asked.

She blushed. "Oh my goodness, where are my manners?" She stretched out a hand and Lee shook it. "Yes, I'm Julia Brynne, Kacey's mom."

"Lee Adama," he offered, his hand still firmly holding Kara's.

"Adama," she repeated, a knowing twinkle passing through her eyes. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

He nodded, and then turned his focus to Kara. A tense silence filled the space and he realized he was being rude, but at this moment, he didn't care. He just wanted Kara to wake up and tell him what was wrong. He just wanted to fix it.

"Well, I, uh, I should get back to Kacey," Julia said softly. As Lee turned to bid her goodbye, a sudden thought struck him and he called her back.

"Do you know what happened to Kara on New Caprica?"

Julia's face clouded with a mixture of pain and grief and Lee immediately regretted asking the question. But part of him was also thrilled to know that he might finally get an answer. "I know a little," she told him. "Kacey's managed to tell me a few things and Kara as well, but normally she's pretty tight-lipped about it."

"No kidding," Lee muttered. Shifting to face her, he said, "I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me whatever it is you know."

The woman's face darkened once more before she sat gingerly at the end of Kara's bed. "A few days after the Cylons arrived, Kacey was taken. She was on her way home from school with a few other children and one of their parents and a Centurion just came and scooped her up." Julia paused, blinking rapidly and Lee felt terrible for her. He couldn't imagine the fear of realizing your child was gone.

"I didn't know what had happened to her, if she was still alive. I was terrified. When we got back to Galactica after the exodus and I saw her with Kara …" A few tears trailed down her cheeks at the memory and Lee averted his gaze, giving her a moment. Clearing her throat, she continued. "Based on what I can get out of Kacey and what Kara's told me, they were both being held in some type of apartment."

Curious, Lee tried to fit this new information into the little he already knew. It wasn't adding up. "An apartment?"

"Yes, it was in the Cylon's main headquarters. Apparently they were being kept their by one of the human-looking models," Julia told him. "Ben or something like that."

"Leoben?" Lee questioned, heart in his throat as Kara's cries during her nightmare started to make sense.

Julia nodded. "Yes, that's right, Leoben."

Lee swallowed hard. What had Leoben wanted with Kara? Why in the name of the Gods would he hold her hostage in an apartment? A million different reasons flashed through Lee's mind and they all made him nauseous.

"He convinced Kacey to call him daddy," Julia finally admitted, voice quieter than before. Lee could tell this pained her almost more than anything else. "And the first few days, after we got back, Kacey kept saying 'Mama,' but when I'd go to her, she wouldn't want me." She stiffened, skin going pale. "Once I saw her reaction to Kara, I started to figure it out."

Oh Gods. Lee slumped back in the chair, hardly able to breathe as he tried to process all of this. Had that sick, twisted skin job actually tried to play house with Kara? He wanted to dismiss the idea as a random flight of fancy, but he couldn't. Not with the information he had.

"I really should get back to my daughter," Julia said, rising. "It was very nice to meet you Mister Adama."

"You can call me Lee, please," he told her, barely giving her a nod as she took her leave.

"All right then, Lee." Julia's eyes darted back to Kara. "Watch out for her, please. She's the only reason I was able to get Kacey back. I'll never be able to repay her."

"Don't worry," Lee assured, eyes never leaving Kara's face. "I'm not going anywhere."

Once he was again alone with Kara, Lee leaned forward, brushing her bangs off her forehead. She moaned slightly as his finger grazed her skin, but instead of the pained sound he'd heard before, this one actually sounded content. Resting his hand to her cheek, his heart stuttered in his chest as she turned her face into his touch and sighed.

"Lords, Kara, why couldn't you just tell me?" he breathed, guilt and pain warring with anger at the secrets she kept from him.

Gods, she'd been right before, they never should have left. Lee couldn't believe that for those four months he was safe on the Pegasus trying to plan a rescue, Kara had been living with a deranged Cylon so intent on turning her into a mother he'd kidnapped a child. Lee had no idea what Leoben's fascination with Kara was, but now he knew it went beyond the simple fact that she was human. He thought back to when his father had sent Kara to interrogate him. He should have sent me, he thought, despair settling in his stomach.

Just as the president should have sent him to Caprica to retrieve the arrow. So much of Kara's recent pain could have been avoided if he'd just taken a risk for her, even once. If he'd gone back to Caprica and gotten the arrow, she never would have met Anders, never would have been touched by that frakkin' Cylon butcher or exposed to the Farm. She would have flown that mission on the basestar and maybe Sharon wouldn't have shot his father.

Lee shook his head. It was useless to live in the past. Kara had suffered and no amount of wishing was going to change that.

He feared once she opened those eyes and found him there, she'd send him away and it broke his heart to know she had every right. He had let her down, over and over again, but New Caprica had been the final straw. He'd let her run away from him the morning after, let her leave the fleet and flying behind, let her marry another man. And he'd left her to be taken by Leoben and suffer at his hands for four long months.

Glancing back to her, he stroked his fingers down her cheek, before wrapping her hand in both of his. Bringing her knuckles to his lips, he breathed in the scent of her before whispering, "I'm going to fix this, Kara." He inhaled again before placing a kiss between each finger. "I promise you we're going to get through this. I swear it."

He then settled in to watch her sleep.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

When Kara awoke, she immediately recognized Life Station. What she didn't understand was why she was in one of its many beds, staring at the ceiling with bandages on her knuckles.

And a frakkin' headache.

Looking about, she caught sight of Lee, slumped over and asleep in the chair beside her, taking note of his bruised cheek and the cut above his eye. Slowly, images from a few hours ago came back to her. She bit back a groan, remembering how she'd tackled Lee to ground and pounded on him a few times. Why was he still here? Kara figured that would type of reception would have sent him running.

Sitting up, she ignored the pounding in her head, and did her best to get out of bed and on her feet without making any noise. She'd been here to watch over Kacey and if that little girl was alone because Kara couldn't even stay awake … Shaking her head in disgust, Kara reached for her boots. How many different ways could she be a screw-up?

Hand on the curtain, she was ready to push it aside when Lee's voice made her freeze. "What did Leoben do to you, Kara?"

She whirled on him, angry for reasons too numerous to count. And scared. He shouldn't know anything about that. She was going to kill the mother frakker who'd told him. "Nothing," she spat in response, placing her boots down and smashing her feet into them. Suddenly, it was even more important that she see Kacey.

Turning to leave, she was stopped again, this time by Lee's firm hold on her elbow. "Don't do this, Kara. Don't shut me out, not again."

Her anger growing to an almost unmanageable level, she pulled her arm from his grip fiercely. "_Again_, Apollo? I'm shutting you out _again_? Since when is this even about you? You weren't on New Caprica and you have no idea what you're talking about, so back off." She got in his face for that last bit, hoping to intimidate him enough to make her escape.

Instead, when she was almost gone, he stepped in front of her and she knew he wouldn't move. "Get out of my way, Lee," she growled. "I need to see Kacey."

"Her mother's with her," he informed her, eyes studying hers intently. It made Kara decidedly nervous. "She's fine, so we're going to talk this out."

Enraged, Kara swung out a fist, even more irate when she hit dead air. Apparently, Lee had seen that coming. In an instant, he was back behind her, one of her arms twisted behind her back and held firmly in his iron grip, while his other arm had snaked around her waist, trapping her free arm to her side and making it almost impossible to move.

"I think you've hit on me enough for one night, Kara," he breathed in her ear. She tried not to shiver at his proximity, but it was really hard. "No more hitting. It's time for talking."

Throwing her head back, Kara tried to connect with his face, but again, he'd gotten the upper hand on her, bracing one of his feet between hers and stepping back on his other leg, giving him the ability to dodge her blow. Growling with barely controlled fury, she tried wrestling free of him, but his grip simply became punishing. She knew there'd be bruises.

"I don't want to do this, Lee," she warned him, doing her best to keep the tight rein on her emotions that had been her only protection since returning from the planet. "Why are you making me do this?"

She felt his grip falter for just a second, but she didn't take advantage. Her head was pounding more acutely now and in truth, she just didn't have the energy. She wasn't sleeping well and she couldn't remember the last time she'd had what would be considered a meal. Kara's body was rebelling.

"Kara, I care about you," he said, lips so close to her ear they brushed her skin. This time, her shiver was unmistakable and she silently cursed yet another of her weaknesses. "I can see that you're in pain. Let me help."

Gods, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe they could actually be friends. It had taken everything in her not to leave Sam dozens of times when they were on New Caprica. So many nights, she'd had a bag packed, ready to take the first shuttle up to the Pegasus, ready to kick Dee's bony ass out of Lee's bed, ready to remind him what they'd proclaimed under the stars.

By morning, all of her bravado had disappeared with the moon. She had no right to ruin Lee's life; not anymore. Kara had already destroyed him and it was just plain mean to go back, looking for more ways to devastate him.

"We're not friends, Lee," she told him, her body sagging against his just a little bit. She hated that even now, even when he was holding her simply to prevent her from injuring him, she loved the feel of his arms about her. "You shouldn't care. Just leave me alone."

Kara wasn't sure what she expected. Lee's silence was typical enough. She knew he'd seen reason when he released her and she thrust out a hand, grabbing the side of a nearby cart in order to prevent crumpling to the floor. Breathing heavily, she tried to regain her bearings, tried to prepare herself for when Lee left, as she knew he would.

Instead, he was in front of her once more, propping her up, hands cupping her face and staring into her eyes with such intent that it froze Kara's breath in her lungs. "Kara, I'm standing here and I'm telling you, I care. I want to help you," he whispered forcefully, hands squeezing her cheeks for emphasis. "Do you hear me?" His gaze was penetrating and despite her deep desire to look away, she couldn't. "Do you understand me? I'm here, Kara and I'm not going anywhere."

She inhaled a sharp breath, the traitorous sting of tears tightening her eyes, and even as she felt the first drops fall, she couldn't look away. Kara could not push away Lee or his fierce loyalty or what she perceived to be love radiating from his gaze. She just couldn't.

Involuntarily, her hands came up and gripped at his arms. She had thought to push him away, but soon realized she was simply holding on. "You can't, Lee," she told him hoarsely, voice broken by emotion. "You can't. What I did was unforgivable. You can't forgive me. You can't."

One of his hands stayed on her cheek, while the other wrapped around the back of her neck, bringing them even closer together. "I can, Kara, because I realized something when you were gone." She tensed, certain all of his sweetness and light would disappear as he recounted all the ways she had destroyed him.

"Do you know what I realized, Kara?" he asked softly, lips brushing her forehead.

She didn't trust herself to speak so she simply shook her head. Her fingers flexed involuntarily against his arms, desperate to pull him closer, but afraid of his rejection.

"I realized that no matter what happens, you are a part of me, Kara. You and I are linked. And the only thing that's kept us apart is our pride." She felt the slight pressure of his lips as he kissed her forehead and then exhaled, saying, "So, I'm telling you right now, I'm it putting aside. I don't care about what happened all those months ago. All that I care about is you're back. And I forgive you, Kara. I forgive you."

Her forehead fell to his shoulder as his words registered. She wanted so desperately to sink into him, to let him keep her demons at bay, to let him protect her. But she couldn't. It had to be some kind of trick or a dream. She'd wake up soon and Lee wouldn't be here and he'd still hate her and she'd be alone.

"Oh, Major Adama, I didn't realize you were here," Cottle said, startling them both. "Thrace, I thought you'd want to know, Kacey's awake."

Kara straightened immediately, wiping at her cheeks. She tried to back away from Lee, but he held on. "Kara, don't. We need to talk about this."

"I have to see her, Lee," she explained. "Please."

He nodded, releasing her reluctantly. Just as he was about to step out of reach, Kara reached for his hand and squeezed tight. "Come with me?" she asked, feeling more vulnerable and exposed than she had in months.

Lee's eyes widened for a moment in what was probably surprise, but then he simply threaded his fingers with hers and let her lead him from the room.

As soon as Kara saw the little girl, bright eyes open, she let go of Lee's hand in a rush to get to Kacey's side, relief flooding her senses.

"Hi honey," she murmured. Julia sat on the opposite side of the bed, holding the little girl's hand. However, as soon as Kara approached, Kacey let out a chant of "Kawa, Kawa," that brought a tremulous smile to Kara's face.

"You're awake," she told her, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Kacey's forehead. "How are you, sweetie?"

"Icky," she said, her voice raspy from the infection.

Kara could only smile. "I know, but the doc's going to make you feel better, okay?"

Kacey nodded and then smiled and Kara bit back a sob. "Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're okay." She stroked her hand through Kacey's hair and took a seat beside her, staring at the little girl right along with her mother. At this moment, she just couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee watched Kara's reunion with Kacey. His chest constricted as he witnessed Kara's happiness at seeing the child and how much Kacey reciprocated it. It was obvious their shared experience on the planet had irrevocably changed them both.

The tenderness with which Kara treated the child was almost unbelievable. Lee could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen something even remotely similar from her. He wished he could understand why Kacey was so important; how she'd come to mean so much to Kara in such a short amount of time. Of course, one look at her smiling and reaching for Kara's dogtags, explained some of it; who wouldn't fall in love with her?

"What happened?"

Lee turned abruptly, surprised to see his father standing there. "Dad?"

"I heard Starbuck was in Life Station. I was worried." The Old Man did look concerned, but Lee wasn't so sure.

"Now you're concerned?" he asked hotly, stepping away from Kacey's curtain and drawing his father into an unused exam area. "Where was this concern yesterday when you took Kara's wings?"

"She needs to straighten out, Lee," he explained. "There's nothing Kara loves more than flying. I'm hoping she'll see she's got to snap out of this."

Lee sighed. He had no idea if his father could even remotely understand that whatever Kara was going through, "snapping out of it" was not a solid recovery plan. "It's not that simple, dad."

"Did she tell you something?"

"No. But Kacey's mother did and I think I've got a better idea of what exactly happened down there," he admitted, eyes drifting back in Kara's direction. Even though he couldn't see her, he could still remember the look on her face when she'd begged him not to forgive her. "I think she will, in time, admit to what happened down there. But punishing her after what she suffered is beyond unfair. It's downright cruel."

The Old Man's lips thinned as he stared hard at Lee. "Do you honestly trust her in one of our birds?" he asked quietly. "We can't afford to lose planes or pilots. I don't want to put Kara in the cockpit if there's danger of losing either."

Reluctantly, Lee nodded. "I know she's not acting like herself. You weren't wrong about that." He paused, wondering if there was another solution. "Let me see if I can talk to her," he said finally. "I might be able to convince her to stay down for a while, until she's got everything figured out. If it's her choice, it'll be a lot easier for her to deal with."

The admiral's skepticism was almost palpable, but after a moment of silence, he nodded. "Fine, see what you can do. But if Kara doesn't come to the conclusion on her own, she's still not flying."

Lee nodded. It was the best compromise he could have hoped for.

"Are you all right, son?"

Surprised by the question, Lee looked up to his dad and saw real concern in his eyes. In a rush, Kara's wild attack came back to him. He guessed some of those punches had left behind some very vivid bruises. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was sparring the other day, that's all."

His father frowned. "Well, make sure you get some rest. And that Cottle takes a look at those."

"Ishay already did, it's fine." Lee really didn't want to talk about a handful of superficial injuries when Kara was just a few feet away, hurting in ways he could barely comprehend.

"Look, I want to get back," he said, heading back to Life Station.

"Careful, son," he heard his father say, but he didn't bother turning to acknowledge him. He already knew his dad thought he was a fool for the way he cared about Kara. He knew his father approved of Dee as a wife and daughter-in-law, while he felt betrayed by Starbuck's decision to move to the planet over a year ago. And he knew that his father knew far more about Lee's anger following the groundbreaking ceremony than he'd ever admitted.

But his father didn't know, couldn't understand, how much Kara was a part of him. She was literally his other half and in spite of all the ways they had hurt each other, he couldn't live without her.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Coming Back – Chapter 4/?

Pairing: Kara/Lee

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Anything post Exodus Part 2 (although this is completely AU after that)

Summary: Kacey appears to be on the road to recovery, but what about Kara? Will Lee be able to help her? Will she let him?

A/N: Just a warning, I'll be heading out on a road trip tomorrow to Florida, and I won't arrive until Sunday afternoon. I am going to try and post chapters while on the road, but I can't make any promises. I will do my best, but if I go radio silent, you know why. Thanks again to everyone who has been reading and commenting. I am so encouraged by your comments. It really means a lot!

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Chapter 4

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Keep your voice down," Kara hissed, grabbing Sam's arm and dragging him into Life Station's waiting area. Her eyes swept the area, looking for Lee; the yawning emptiness she felt at his absence was further proof that she couldn't allow herself to love him again. His rejection would destroy her. And despite what he said, things would never be okay between them again. "I'm here with Julia. Kacey's really sick."

Her husband's eyes narrowed as he tried to remember names. "That kid, from the Raptor?" he asked, staring at her hard. Kara refused to flinch. "Why does it matter, Kara? I thought she was just some kid you found."

Shaking her head once, Kara dropped her gaze to her feet and took a deep breath. "No, Sam, she isn't just some kid. She's important to me. So, I'm going to stay here until I know she's okay."

"Kara." His voice dropped to a low tone she was all too familiar with. It was his bedroom voice. "I'm only on Galactica for another day, before I'll be gone for a week on special assignment with the Marines," he told her, running his hands up and down her arms.

Her skin revolted at the touch. She had thought last time they'd been together she'd expressed how much that wasn't going to happen.

"I was hoping we could spend some time together," he whispered, his lips at her ear, before he nipped gently at the lobe.

"Let go of me," she told him, trying to twist out of his grasp. However, he simply held on tighter, grabbing her upper arms and Kara knew she'd have bruises. Despite the fact that Lee had held her far harder only thirty minutes ago, Sam's grip made her scared.

"What is going on with you, Kara?" he demanded, shaking her slightly to get her to look in his eyes. "What is going on with us?"

When she had no answer, his hands squeezed even harder and Kara winced. "Sam, you're hurting me."

"Tell me what happened!" he all but shouted.

"Get off of me!" she answered, trying again to get away from him, pushing at his chest with her hands. But with an inhuman strength he held firm. For the first time ever in their relationship, Kara was worried for her physical safety, worried that something in Sam had finally snapped.

"Anders, let her go. Now."

They both turned at the sound of the new voice, confronted with a very angry Lee Adama. Kara almost whimpered in relief before she remembered she shouldn't. Lee wasn't her knight in shining armor.

"Go deal with your own wife, Apollo," Anders told him.

But instead of heeding his warning, Lee strode forward and pushed back at the taller man with all his might, inserting himself between Kara and her husband. Finally released from Sam's grip, Kara leaned heavily against Lee's side, doing her best to collect herself. She felt his arm come around her waist and stiffened for a second. When he simply drew her a little closer, she actually allowed herself to lean on him.

"What the hell is this, Kara?" Sam accused, hurt and anger now equally represented in his eyes. "Only back for a few months and already you're warming Apollo's bed? Is that where you are every night?"

Lee hit him, hard, and Sam stumbled against the wall, holding his no doubt throbbing jaw. As his eyes blazed in Lee's direction, he rose, spitting a bloody wad of phlegm on the decking before addressing Apollo. "You're going to pay for that."

Lee sneered. "I doubt it. Now, get the hell out of here before I send your ass to the brig." Sam's eyes darted between him and his wife for a handful of seconds, before he brushed past them both in a huff.

His arm still around Kara's waist, Lee turned them as Ander's passed, keeping himself between Kara and the angry man.

"And don't come near Kara again," Lee told him as he stalked away. Sam didn't even pause his stride.

Even once he was gone, Kara couldn't stop shaking. It was no doubt the result of a few factors, namely the adrenaline surge and the feel of Lee's warmth pressed against her side.

He turned quickly, his other arm encircling her waist and held her gaze. "Kara, look at me. Are you okay?"

She nodded absently, resting her hands lightly against his chest, staring at his Adam's apple, avoiding his eyes. "You meant it before?" she squeaked, surprised at how tight her throat was.

His forehead creased for a moment before he took a step closer. "Meant what, Kara?"

She swallowed hard several times. She was still shaky, still uncertain of herself, of Lee, of the entire universe, but she forced herself to look in his eyes. "You're really not leaving?" she asked breathlessly, hardly able to believe she'd gotten the question out.

A small, warm smile crossed his face before. "No, Kara, I'm not leaving. My dad showed up and had some questions. I was just talking to him outside so we wouldn't disturb Kacey."

Kara swallowed again and nodded before letting out a shaky breath and finally collapsing against him. If Lee hadn't been supporting her, she would have fallen to the deck. She'd been forced to confront too many emotions too quickly and her mind and body were rebelling.

"Kara, when's the last time you ate?" Lee asked quietly, lips moving against her cheek. "Or slept?" She could only manage a shrug.

"I'll tell you what; why don't you head back to my quarters, take a shower while I head to the mess and grab some food."

It sounded like Kara's idea of perfection, but she knew it couldn't be. Stiffening, she forced herself to pull away from him, going so far as to take a few steps out of his arms. "No, Lee. I'm sorry."

"Kara, nothing's going to happen, I just want you to have some privacy. I'll bunk in the officer's quarters," he explained, closing the small distance between them.

No. Kara wasn't going to stay in 'her' quarters, surrounded by 'her' things, memories of 'her' life with Lee. "You're married," she whispered, by way of explanation.

Reaching for her hands, Lee squeezed gently until her eyes were back on his. "I left Dee months ago. I've been staying in the CAG's office. I'm just waiting for the divorce to go through." He gave her another small smile, the soft one she hadn't seen in so long.

"Really?" she asked, knowing it was needy and weak, but unable to help herself.

"Really," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Please, Kara, let me help," he whispered with his lips against her skin.

She knew there were a million reasons to say no, but all the strength Kara had shored up in the months since leaving New Caprica was quickly crumbling under Lee's insistent care.

Nodding, she told him, "Okay," and allowed him to lead her from Life Station.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

She still wasn't sure about this, even as Lee keyed in the unlock code and opened the door to the CAG's office. She wanted to give in, wanted to just let Lee take care of her, but no one had ever taken care of Kara Thrace in her life. She viewed the idea of leaning that heavily on someone completely unacceptable. And a little part of her, hated herself for even considering it.

"It's not much," Lee was saying, as he ushered her inside. "But it's got all the comforts of … Ana."

Focusing her eyes in the dimly lit room, Kara caught sight of Lee's estranged wife, sitting primly on the bunk in the sleeping alcove off of the main work area. Immediately her entire body tensed and she knew she had to run.

"What are you doing here?" Lee was asking and although he sounded angry, Kara couldn't trust her perceptions.

"What do you mean, Lee? I'm your wife," Dualla reminded him, approaching him with a demure expression that Kara would probably have commended under other circumstances. With a callous glance, she asked him, "What is _she_ doing here?"

And that's when Starbuck's feet finally unglued themselves and she sprinted from the room.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"What the frak, Ana!" Apollo headed for the still open hatch, knowing he had to go after Kara.

But Dualla's anger would not be dismissed. "I'm your frakkin' wife, Lee! How dare you dishonor our vows."

Whirling on her, Lee felt an inordinate amount of anger towards his wife. He wanted to paste her into a bulkhead, but with a will power he wasn't sure he possessed, he stalked toward her and shouted, "We are over, Dee! Done! Just sign the frakking papers!"

She stood there dumbfounded, staring at him with those large eyes, apparently trying to form a retort. After a minute, when nothing came, she straightened and did her best to affect her usual air of superiority. "You're a poor excuse for a husband, Lee Adama," she told him as she walked for the hatch. "And an even shittier excuse for a man."

As soon as she was gone, Lee let out an enraged cry. With one sweep of his arm, he sent the papers littering his desk to the floor, not giving a damn about the mess or the disorganization. He had to find Kara. He wasn't going to let Dee keep them apart anymore.

Forcing his anger down, he focused all his attention on finding her and bringing her back.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara ran.

She didn't know where she was going, she barely knew why she felt the need, deep in her muscles, settling into her bones, to sprint down Galactica's hallways, blowing past crewmen who stopped to look at her, brows furrowed, questions on their lips they didn't have time to ask as she blazed by in a blur of army green and blonde hair. She was too tired, too malnourished to do this, to sprint through the Bucket as though it was a few years ago and everything was fine. But even the growling of her stomach and the tilt to her vision didn't stop her.

Ever since she'd come back from New Caprica, the need to run was ever-present. There were few moments during the day when she could silence that whisper in the back of her mind—the one that often spoke the ugly things her mother liked to tell her, but that recently had repeated a litany of Leoben's pleas from her captivity.

_You belong with me, Kara. We belong together. You have a special destiny. You love me, Kara. You finally admitted it. Don't you see? We're meant to be together._

It was that last that pushed her faster, calves and quads burning, sweat beginning to drip down her face and the back of her neck, her hair slapping against her cheeks as it grew damp and clung to clammy skin. She couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything without seeing Leoben's face, without feeling his blood coating her hands every time she had jabbed something sharp into his neck, his side, his chest.

For a second though, one blessed second that had slowly bled into dozens and then into minutes, the voice had been silent. Leoben's voice, his taunting, the memory of what she'd done had left her alone. She'd been free of the burden of trying not to remember and it had been wonderful.

It had been because of Lee.

There was no reason he should even be speaking to her, let alone trying to help her. She didn't deserve it, didn't deserve him, and yet, even though she had done everything she could possibly think of to push him away, now, months after her return, he was back in her orbit, seeming to know without being told that she was close to letting go—close to being sucked into a black hole that would snuff her out in a second.

Kara shook her head, sweat flinging to the ground. The front of her tanks were damp now and her legs were growing numb. She skidded to the halt at the end of a long corridor, uncertain where she was, uncertain precisely where she thought she could run. There was nowhere in the gods-damned universe she could go where Leoben wouldn't follow; where her memories of New Caprica wouldn't cling to her, feeding off her blood and soul like parasites.

Breathing heavily, Kara pinched her right side, trying to work out the stitch there from running too hard. She was at a T-junction. To the right lay the hangar deck, the bunkroom, the rec room—familiarity, comfort. To the left lay a few unused sections of the ship, still slightly unstable since their escape from New Caprica and the Raider's onslaught of missiles against the Galactica's already old hull.

There was nothing that way but darkness, danger, maybe a vacuum, undetected by the ship's sensors. Maybe she'd walk too close and all of the sudden cease to be, pulled out into cold space by an invisible hand—the same hand that tore at her bird when she was flying, but that couldn't touch her once she got back to Galactica. A hand that had been calling to her for months now, after she'd run from Lee and everything he meant to her that night on New Caprica. The hand that led to a faceless voice that said, 'you deserve this. You're a worthless cancer, eating at this ship, eating at the fleet from the inside out. You've already destroyed Lee. How many others will you take down before you finally work up the courage to end your life?'

Shivering, Kara wrapped her hands around her upper arms, hugging herself as she stared into the blackness to her left. And then stepped forward.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee stalked from his office back to Life Station, a scowl on his face that clearly communicated the beatdown that would descend on anyone if they got in his way.

He received a clear path on his way back to Kacey's bedside, assuming that when pushed too far—when confronted with the idiot mistake he had made because he couldn't have her—Kara would retreat to the last place she had been happy. The last time he had seen her smile, the only time he'd seen even a hint of the expression in the last few months, was with that little girl, making funny faces at her, making her laugh.

Something seized in Lee's chest at the memory, no more than two hours old. The light in Kara's eyes, as she linked her fingers together to cast shadow puppets on the wall beside Kacey's bed had been amazing to behold, but completely unexpected. Lee had never seen her that free before, never seen such unguarded emotion play across her features. The sounds of their laughter—Kacey's high-pitched giggle, mixed with Kara's lower chuckle—were the sweetest melody Lee could remember hearing in a long while.

He'd physically had to anchor himself to a nearby cabinet to avoid charging into the room and inserting himself in the scene. Lee had felt such a desire to go to her, hold her, wrap his arms around her and sit and watch as she continued to tease Kacey and make her laugh.

The fantasy had played out in his mind's eye, he imagined how when the little girl finally tired and fell asleep, Kara would lean back against him and link her hands with his and turn her face towards him. She would say something soft, something about Kacey like, "Isn't she beautiful, Lee?" And he wouldn't answer, he'd simply press a kiss to her forehead and then rest his chin on her shoulder as they watched her sleep.

Lee took a moment outside Kacey's curtained off room to breathe deeply and force away the irritation and panic he felt welling in his gut. Pushing the curtain aside, he peeked around it to find Julia now sitting in a chair beside her daughter's bed while Kacey slept.

But there was no Kara.

Julia heard him, turning to face him and smiling softly when she realized who it was. "Oh, Major—I mean, Lee. This is a surprise."

Lee still had one fist wrapped in the curtain, uncertain now that his assumption as to Kara's whereabouts had been proven wrong. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but I was … I was looking for Kara."

The girl's mother rose then, crossing the room, voice lowered in an effort to allow her daughter to get the rest she needed. "The last time I saw her she was leaving with you."

Lee's face felt hot as he pictured the stricken look on Kara's face at seeing Dee making herself comfortable on his bed, like she belonged there.

She had never belonged there.

"Yes, I know. But, she … well, she left rather suddenly, after we'd had a misunderstanding. I thought she might come back to sit with Kacey."

Julia's eyes narrowed for a moment, and Lee felt the intensity of the woman's scrutiny. Maybe she didn't know Kara all that well and she definitely didn't know Lee, but he could tell she now knew something about the two of them together he suspected even he wasn't privy to.

"I'm sorry, Lee. I haven't seen her since she left with you. If she comes back, I'll do my best to keep her here." A gentle hand brushed his arm before she took it back quickly and retreated to her daughter's side.

He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat that was made of panic and fear and another emotion he didn't want to name. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

Julia returned the nod, sitting once again. Lee glanced to Kacey briefly, glad to know the child's condition was improving, glad to know Kara wouldn't have that to worry about in a few hours.

"Lee." Julia's quiet voice broke his concentration. Giving her his attention, she continued. "Maybe Kara and I aren't the closest of friends, but she's been through hell. More hell than just about anyone. I hope you can help her."

Nodding, Lee stepped back from the room and Julia's all-knowing gaze and stood still for a minute, taking deep breaths to force his rioting heart back to its normal rhythm. He would find Kara and he would help her. Those two things were non-negotiable and if anyone knew what was good for them, especially the Gods, they had better not put any obstacles in his way.

Mentally making a list of possible hiding spaces, Lee started a methodical search of the ship.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara had wandered as far as she could. Debris and jagged bits of metal and ruined machinery made this part of the ship an obstacle course, but she had managed to get as deeply ensconced into the abandoned area as possible. The metal at her back was cold, barely a few inches of material between her and space. The floor beneath her bottom was freezing too. The sweat on her skin had dried long ago, leaving her coated in what felt like a sticky layer of frost.

She was vaguely aware that her teeth were chattering. But the only solution to the cold was to get up and leave, wander back to more populated areas of the ship and get warm. She didn't want to do that.

Kara didn't belong there, in the warmth, surrounded by the few people left in the universe who actually gave a damn about her. She deserved this, this shuddering cold that made her fingers go numb.

Knees tucked up to her chest, Kara wrapped her arms around her shins, bending her body into such a small shape she could almost rest her chin on top of her knee. She stared at nothing, there was just darkness here, the occasional flickering light that implied some injured system still had a shred of power. An orange light blinked intermittently down on the left hand side of the corridor. It colored everything with its strange hue. Kara tried counting the seconds between flashes, but they were varied, sometimes five, sometimes seven, sometimes, eleven. She grew bored of the game quickly.

She had hoped getting distance from everything and everyone might free up her mind enough to think. But Kara found she was still blank, a black wall of nothing floating before her mind's eye. Every time she tried to form a plan, tried to think of what to do next, unbidden images invaded—Lee, naked and screaming endearments to the night sky; Sam, smiling down at her as the tattoo artist put the final flourish on his arm; Leoben, holding Kacey and threatening to hurt her unless Kara gave in.

Kara shook even harder at the memory. It was a thought she'd shied away from as much as she could in the time she'd been back, but again, that whisper was growing to a shout and it reminded her now that Leoben had won. Kara had broken, she had given him exactly what he'd wanted, what he'd told her she would every day for four months.

All of her resolve, her disgust, her strength had dissolved in seconds when she realized what was at stake—or who. And in a second, her sacrifice had been rendered moot; her capitulation meant nothing. She'd given in, given up to protect a child who wasn't even hers. A child she wasn't allowed to love.

Kara raked her hands through her hair, digging her fingernails into her scalp hard enough to draw blood. He had used her, manipulated her, that frakker. Leoben had known every button to push, just as Simon had on Caprica. Children of abuse weren't only afraid of becoming like their parents, they were damned determined to avoid it at any cost.

The idea of leaving Kacey with that Cylon would have been a far worse transgression than Kara's fingers smashed flat by a door.

She had thought she might be strong enough to last. She was gods damned Starbuck after all! Starbuck flew by the seat of her pants, often forcing her bird to perform retina-detaching stunts by sheer force of will. She fought hard, she played hard, she lived hard. That was who Starbuck was. It wasn't Starbuck who had given into Leoben.

It was Kara. Kara, who had come out of hiding that night under the stars with Lee, who had almost followed her heart for the first time in so frakking long, before listening to alter ego, warning her that soft and sweet wasn't who she was. Kara Thrace would never be either of those things; she would never be the dutiful wife that Lee needed or the obedient daughter the Old Man wanted. She would never be good enough for the only family she had ever known that had opened its arms to her; that wanted her.

But this Kara/Starbuck hybrid, she could be Sam's wife. She could frak him senseless and then go kick his ass in Pyramid. She could find other warm bodies around tent city to sleep with and manage to convince Sam it was nothing with a twist of her hips and a smirk. She could yell at him and drink with him and disappoint him because he wouldn't. Frakking. Care.

She couldn't fly with him. She couldn't spar with him. She couldn't sit with him in silence. She couldn't trust him. Because he didn't know. He didn't know her or half the thoughts that flew in and out her brain on an hourly basis. He knew Starbuck, he liked Starbuck, he even loved Starbuck. Kara was a rare sight to Sam and often, she was a nuisance, a downer who mooned over a man she had rejected and stared longingly at the stars.

Frak, Kara was even prone to a good cry now and then. Sam definitely didn't know what to do with her at moments like that.

No. The one person who knew her she had pushed away in the most spectacular display of self-destruction she had ever witnessed—and for Starbuck, that was saying something.

The look in Lee's eyes when she'd seen him that morning, the morning after, with Sam's arm around her shoulders, that look had haunted her for the year they'd been on the surface; for the four months she'd been held by Leoben. It was the look that had forced her out of her bed with Sam and into some alleyway or bathroom stall with a nameless civvie she never even spoke to. Just shoved her tongue down his throat while she undid his pants and got off.

And now, she was back with the Fleet, unable to be Kara because the only person she could show that side to was no longer part of her life; and unable to be Starbuck, because Starbuck had surrendered to the enemy, an unforgivable transgression.

So, who was she?

"Kara?"

Eyes wide, her head snapped up, squinting into the dark, finding the silhouette of a man outlined by the orange light. She couldn't see his features or face, could just see him standing there uncertain.

"Kara, what in the hells are you doing up here?"

For a second she had foolishly hoped. But it was Sam.

"What are you doing?" she asked instead of answered, voice rough like gravel under tires.

"I thought I heard …" he stopped abruptly, halting his forward momentum and Kara released a slight sigh. She couldn't handle him right now. Dropping his chin to his chest he let out a shuddering breath that sounded somewhat like a sob and then said, "It's crazy, but I thought I heard this song. Can you hear it?"

Kara's eyebrows knit together. In their relationship, she was the crazy one, they had determined that very early on. "You came all the way up here because of an ear worm?" It was easier to focus on his psychosis than her own.

"No, Kara. Not an ear worm. I can—" He paused, eyes luminous in the little light there was as he cocked his head sharply to the side, tilted up slightly as if listening.

Kara listened for a second too. Nothing.

"You don't hear that?" he asked in a hushed voice as though afraid he'd drown it out.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Kara shook her head. "No, Sam. I don't. And I'm not in the frakking mood."

He stood so still for so long, Kara thought he hadn't heard her. Just when she was about to scream at him to get the hell out of her sight, his eyes snapped back to her face. When the orange light blinked again, she saw something scary and foreign in those blue eyes and something even more menacing on his face.

"Come with me, Kara."

She pressed her back against the bulkhead behind her as he spoke. His voice wasn't Sam's any longer, it now held a dark timbre she'd never heard before. A tone that commanded attention, that implied Sam was not used to being denied.

Kara shivered again, shaking her head. "Frak off, Sam."

He took a step forward, not even bothering to walk around the debris in his way. Instead, he flipped crates and metal tubing out of his path with a quick flick of his arms. The materials were too heavy to go flying as far as they did. Kara scrambled to her feet, cursing silently. Something was wrong with Sam.

"No. Kara Thrace you have a destiny. I can see it. You are a part of the stream, you can't escape your destiny."

Her body went numb in a second. All feeling drained away, rushing out of her fingertips and toes in a deluge that left her deflated and sagging against the wall behind her.

"Stop playing around, Sam. This isn't frakkin' funny."

She glanced to the side, looking for anything she could use to stop his forward onslaught. He was closer now, the sound of metal bouncing off metal loud in her ears. It forced Sam to speak up.

"You have tried to fight this, Kara. You have fought Two, you have fought Six, you have fought me."

Kara stared, swallowing hard as Sam finally stopped, no more than inches from her. Watching him closely, unable to move despite every instinct telling her to run, she watched him reach forward and cup her chin in his hand, locking their gazes. "The time for fighting is over."

Her heart thundered in her ears. She licked her lips trying to find her voice, trying to think of anything she could say that would put an end to this. Finally, she murmured, "Who are you?"

This time, Sam smiled and it was almost familiar enough to make Kara think this all had been some elaborate joke. But the expression didn't reach his eyes and then he spoke again and Kara had to clutch the wall to keep herself upright.

"I am one of the Final Five."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

A/N 2: Just a side note – some of my favorite Kara introspection is in this chapter. Thought I'd share. Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Coming Back – Chapter 5/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13 (It's gonna get a little more creepy and violent in this chappy, FYI.)  
>Spoilers: Anything after Exodus, Part 2. The story is completely AU following those events.<p>

Summary: Sam's a Cylon and he has Kara. And Lee is not happy about any of it.

A/N: Well, I didn't want to leave you all with a terrible cliffhanger for the whole weekend, but this might be a worse one. Suspense is a good thing, right?

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Chapter 5

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Okay, Lee was willing to admit in the last few hours his mood had progressed from worried to panicked. Since leaving Life Station empty handed, he had been to the bunkroom, the rec room, the head and the ready room. He'd even gone so far as to search his father's office. Luckily, the Old Man had been in CIC allowing Lee the chance to get in and out, without having to explain to his father, and Kara's commanding officer, that he was currently missing a pilot.

Lee stopped at the entrance to the flight deck, eyes doing a quick scan of the activity, looking for Kara's familiar head of blonde hair, straining to hear her chuckling at one of Cally's dirty jokes. But as his eyes swept the large space from left to right, he didn't see her. Raptors, Vipers, pilots and deck crew filled the space, but there was no Kara anywhere.

"Apollo, what the hell are you doing down here?"

He turned to find Helo standing behind him, a lollipop firmly planted in one cheek. Lee took a minute to wonder if he might be able to beg a few off his friend for a currently sick little girl in Life Station. Just the thought of the type of smile such a gesture would elicit from her and Kara had him smiling.

"Uh, Apollo? Do you need to visit the little boy's room?"

Lee blinked, realizing he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other as if, he did indeed need to use the head. Forcing his body still, he said, "No, no, Karl. I'm actually looking for Kara. Have you seen her?"

Helo pulled the sucker from his mouth with a soft pop as his features grew pensive. "Nope, can't say that I have."

"Frak."

At Lee's expletive, Helo's face lost all evidence of levity. "Wait. What's going on? Is Kara all right?"

The look Lee offered him was more than scathing. Shaking his head, Helo lowered his voice and said, "No, no. I know she's not all right. But what happened now? Today? When's the last time you saw her?"

"I saw her about two hours ago, running down the corridor by my office." Lee omitted the circumstances surrounding said run, choosing to eye the room again. She had to be here.

"There's more to that story," he heard Helo mutter even as his own eyes followed a similar path to Lee's. "Where have you looked?"

"All the usual places." Lee was losing hope fast. If Karl didn't know where she was …

But then, the taller man smiled. Popping the candy back in his mouth, Helo clapped a hand to his shoulder and steered him back out of the hangar deck. "Well, that's your problem, Apollo. You should know by now—Kara is highly unusual."

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Sam's grip on her hand was iron tight, his fingers squeezing hers so hard she knew she'd have bruises as soon as he let go and aggravating her already shredded knuckles from her impromptu boxing match with Lee.

He was a Cylon. Kara had spent the first five minutes of being dragged through the ship with that simple sentence repeating on a loop in her mind. Sam was a Cylon; her husband was a Cylon. She had loved Cylon, even slept with him. Had it all been a game? A big trick?

What if Sam had been colluding with Leoben all along? With if their marriage had been a warm-up act? A way to lower her defenses so she'd give in to Leoben?

The thought repulsed her and Kara had stopped within just a few steps and been sick. As soon as the retching stopped, Sam had tugged on her hand again, almost pulling her arm from the socket.

She tried digging in her heels, tried grabbing onto anything for purchase, but each time, Sam whirled to face her, eyes cold and hollow and simply said, "I will hurt you, Kara. Stop fighting me."

She had acquiesced then if only because she wouldn't have any chance for escape if Sam knocked her out and threw her over his shoulder. At least conscious, she had a shot.

He had retraced her earlier path, keeping to shadows and abandoned parts of the ship until they reached a juncture about two bulkheads down from the T in the hallway where she had chosen darkness and isolation instead of warmth and familiar faces. Kara was strongly berating herself for that decision.

Stopping, he pressed her back into the bulkhead, stepping in front of her, blocking her entire body from view. There was barely an inch between them and Kara was forced to breathe him in, her nostrils flooding with that familiar scent of man and pyramid chalk that had always meant Sam to her. Now, she choked on it.

Digging her hands into his shoulders hard, he jerked away from her, turning so quickly, she barely registered the motion, giving her no chance to see the hand that connected solidly with her cheek, slapping her so hard the back of her head thunked off the wall behind her.

"I meant what I said before, Kara." Sam had never spoken to her like this. With no mirth, no concern, no sweetness. "I will hurt you. You are coming with me by any means necessary."

The words echoed through Kara's skin and down to her feet, making her knees shake. He was serious. But getting off the ship meant flying and Sam couldn't do that. He'd need her to pilot a ship, maybe even to get him clearance for one. That left her plenty of time to get a message to someone.

To Apollo.

"And how are you going to manage that, genius?" she spat, feeling Starbuck waking within her. Too many days and nights of being lost and alone, too many moments of being a victim had pissed her off. Kara seized the anger with both fists. "You can't fly and I'm certainly not going to help you kidnap me."

Sam's face turned yet again, this time away from cold and toward something even more sinister. "I am one of the Final Five, Kara." She did the math even as he said, "That means there are four others who are more than willing to help me."

Knowing he had help, knowing there was an actual plot designed to get her off Galactica and back on a basestar or in Leoben's idea of a third story walk-up swelled Kara's anger until it came bubbling out of her in a flurry of kicks and punches accompanied by an unbridled yell.

She had the satisfaction of seeing blood dripping from a cut above Sam's eye before he pulled back and this time, punched her, knocking her out cold before she could even scream for help.

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Lee was beginning to seriously doubt Karl's insight when twenty minutes of looking in the "unusual" places still resulted in no sign of Kara. He probably wouldn't have minded so much if every time they found a new hatchway or corner, he didn't turn to Lee and say, "She's gotta be in here."

A battlestar was big, this was true, but not so big that you could lose a person. True, Kara had been in a less than stellar mood so she was probably doing her best to stay out of sight, but something in Lee's gut told him there was more to it than that.

He should have found her by now. And if not him, then someone, some crewmember should have stumbled upon her. The fact that no one had spoke of something far more sinister.

Something had happened to her—someone had made Kara disappear.

Stopping before Helo ascended another set of stairs, Lee told him. "I need you to go to CIC, Helo. Tell the Old Man we've got a situation and I sent you there personally. If he questions you, tell him it's about Kara."

Helo frowned, studying Lee's face for a moment. "You think this is really serious."

"I know it is."

"And what are you going to do while I give orders to my commanding officer?"

"I'm going back to the flight deck. No ship leaves this boat until Kara is found, not even CAP."

Lee turned on his heel, breaking into a light jog as he took a shortcut that would get him back to the deck in half the time. _I'm not letting you disappear, Kara_, he promised her silently. _Not again_.

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Kara awoke in darkness with a headache that's beat that could have rivaled the Colonial Army Marching Band. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, running through a mental checklist of aches and pains. Her face was throbbing which implied Sam had probably broken her nose when he'd delivered his little love tap. Frakker.

She listened closely, trying to determine where she was, if she was alone. After a full minute of no sounds other than her breathing, she risked opening her eyes.

Her senses hadn't failed her. She was alone, hands and feet bound to a chair, a smelly rag tied tight over her mouth in what looked like an unused storage locker. She couldn't see any bulkhead markings from where she sat, but the smell of tyllium fumes and oil implied she was probably somewhere near the flight deck. Made sense, Sam needed a bird.

She pulled at the zip ties around her wrists, feeling the cut of the plastic into her flesh after just a few tugs. He had bound her tightly, not giving much thought to her comfort or circulation. Kara couldn't even break a thumb to pull her hand out. There was no room between the metal armrest and her hand.

She flexed her fingers hoping to keep feeling in them while she thought of a plan. Already the tips were going numb. There was nothing usable within reach and the chair was solid metal; there was no hope of weakening the structure to gain some mobility.

Craning her neck as far as she could, she spotted a wall, close enough to possibly be helpful. Using the tips of her toes, which barely connected with the floor, Kara scooted the chair across the ground, the screech of metal on metal loud in her ears. Kara paused for a second, worried she might draw attention to herself before shaking her head.

That was the point, genius.

Sweat dripping down her face, a few drops stung in the general vicinity of her nose and she figured she must have a cut there too. Ignoring it, she managed to get close enough to tilt the chair back on two legs and then shifting all of her weight forward she crashed the seat onto all four legs making a satisfying thunk as the metal surfaces met.

Of course, the impact also jarred her teeth and her already broken nose causing a bright burst of pain to cloud her vision for a moment. Shaking it off, she pushed the chair up on the back legs again and repeated the move.

She did it again, even as her hands lost all feeling and again, even as her toes started to go numb. She had a rhythm going. She just hoped the noise was loud enough to draw someone's attention.

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Lee sprinted onto the deck, relieved to finally hear his father's voice on the comm ten minutes after he'd sent Helo to warn him.

"Attention Galatica, this is Actual. We will suspend all flight operations for the next thirty minutes. All birds are grounded; any in the air, are to maintain a holding pattern at the perimeter of the Fleet and await my instructions. Actual out."

Ignoring the puzzled looks of his surrounding crewmen, Lee started a perimeter sweep of the deck, starting at the edges first, places where someone could hide a bound body or an unconscious one with little chance of detection. He'd just passed his fifth raptor when he rounded on an odd sight.

Sam and the Chief stood a few meters away, heads bent toward one another, speaking in low tones that were easily muffled by the loud sounds around them. The Chief held a clipboard in hand that looked suspiciously like a pre-flight checklist and Lee tensed as Sam nodded once and then took it from the man's hands.

Both of them looked up then, eyes scanning and Lee could see the tension of discovery clearly in the way they were standing, the way their shoulders bunched. He also saw the very real gash across Anders' forehead, a bit of dried blood blending in with his eyebrow.

Stepping out of the shadows and into their line of sight, Sam saw him first, but it was the Chief who managed to ask, "Apollo. Do you know what's going on? Why are we grounded?"

Lee ignored the question, focusing all of his considerable attention, and growing rage on Sam—Kara's husband, former star athlete and giant pain in Lee's ass.

"Where is she, Sam?" he questioned, moving forward slowly, unwilling to spook either man and cause a scene. If Sam was holding Kara, the quieter they kept this, the better chance he'd have at finding her.

"What are you talking about, Apollo?" There was a forced quality to his tone, a strain that Lee had never heard before. "Where is who?"

"Starbuck, you mother frakker," Lee spat, hand hovering a few inches from his side arm. Drawing it would seal Anders' fate and maybe his own—Lee wasn't going to miss and he wasn't going to drop his weapon until he found Kara.

"Oh, you mean my wife." Sam's tone was ugly, his face twisting in a grotesque look of disgust. "She's my wife, Apollo. Kara chose me."

Lee knew he was trying to distract him, embarrass him in front of the Chief or get him so riled up he'd let his guard down and gave Sam an opening. Fat chance. "She _settled_ for you, Anders." A few things had become clear to Lee over the past few weeks, while he'd observed Kara. The past day and a half, talking with her, seeing her with Kacey, thinking about that night and the morning after on New Caprica, had just solidified his assumptions. Even going back further, to that first night they'd met and the drunken double dog dare that had almost changed their lives forever.

In reminiscing, Lee had realized how similar Sam and his brother were. And how Kara had never feared being with either one of them, because they were easy and laid back and wouldn't ever ask her for more than the bare minimum.

Which forced him to realize that Kara, emotionally-stunted frak-up, brilliant Viper jock and the most beautiful woman he had ever met was using Sam as an excuse the same as she'd used Zak; as a reason to push him away.

Lee wasn't going to stand for that any longer.

"Where is she?" he asked again, noting that the Chief had been slowly edging toward the middle of the bay. Just a few more steps and he'd be out in the open, able to signal for help or simply run, Lee wasn't sure which he'd choose. He'd thought the Chief was his friend, his and Kara's.

Keeping his gun on Anders, Lee pinned Galen in place with a sideways glance. "Easy, Chief. We're not finished either."

"You've lost your mind, Apollo." Sam was still moving, his feet sliding across the deck, away from Lee and the Chief, toward the edge of the raptor. "She's finally done it, Kara's finally driven you crazy."

With barely any forethought, Lee strode forward, flipping his gun in his grip so he could bring the butt smashing down on Sam's temple. Despite the force of the blow, Sam only stumbled, straightening slowly as he pressed fingers to his temple, bringing them away red with blood.

Lee watched in confusion, as Sam looked to Galen with an odd smile on his face. "Isn't it weird, Chief? Blood."

The other man's face drained of color and while Lee found the exchange fascinating, he wanted to find Kara. He needed to.

"I'm only going to ask one more time." This time, he cocked the weapon, standing close enough that the muzzle was just inches from the center of Sam's chest. "Where. Is. Kara?" 

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Kara slumped forward in the chair, breathing heavily, trying to get some feeling back in her legs so she could begin her rhythmic SOS once again. After ten straight minutes of rocking back and falling forward, she'd been forced to stop, most of her body and her entire face going numb as pain lanced across her features.

She entertained the idea of giving up. Just letting her body succumb to the pain and the fear. She could pass out and when she next awoke, she'd probably be back in that dollhouse. Back with Leoben.

For some reason Kara's survival instinct was still alive and kicking. In spite of her very real belief that she was worth less than the threadbare tanks she was wearing, Kara couldn't just surrender. It seemed Kara's will to live was greater than her self-loathing.

Head tipped forward, she didn't see the hatch swing open across the room, didn't know someone had entered, until she saw two boots standing directly in front of her. Kara squinted to bring them into focus, thinking they looked awfully feminine for Sam.

Working spit into her mouth, Kara expectorated right on the left shoe, a slow smile on her face as a hand gripped her chin and brought her eyes up.

But it wasn't Sam who stood staring at her. It was … frak, what was her name? She worked with the president, right? Cory or Laurie? Tory.

"Starbuck." Her voice, like Sam's was tinged with something menacing, something not quite human. "I honestly didn't think Sam had the stones to go through with this."

Wrenching her chin away from the woman's hand, Kara shook her head. Another one of the final five. And again, someone she never would have suspected.

Tory smiled, the expression oddly visible in the dim lighting, her white teeth almost glowing beside her dark skin. She ran a hand through Kara's hair even as she struggled. "I still have no idea what they want with you. Or why," she said, disgust evident in her voice. "I think Leoben is delusional, but he and the others are determined to have you with them. And we're going to deliver."

Having Tory confirm that her next stop would be Leoben's side, Kara shuddered violently, her body rocking against the chair. She had to get out of here. She couldn't go back to that, couldn't face him again. Starbuck had already given into him—Kara wouldn't stand a chance of resisting.

Shaking her head forcibly back and forth, renewing the throbbing headache behind her eyes, Kara started to throw her weight to the sides, managing to rock the chair side to side instead of back and forth like before. Tory grabbed for the arms, stopping her momentum with a hard shove. Kara winced as one her hands grabbed her forearm, pushing down hard until something gave way and another spike of pain shot up Kara's arm to her shoulder.

The slap in the face was almost laughable in its mundanity. "Behave, Starbuck or I'll take you to Leoben with more than just a bloody nose."

Kara met her gaze and knew she was serious. She was also closer then she'd been since she'd entered the room, hands still holding Kara down, head dipped close. Behind her gag, Kara smiled before cracking her forehead against Tory's and dropping the woman to the ground with a thud, blood pouring from a gash at her hairline.

Despite the additional pain she felt because of the move, at least Tory was out and Kara could again try to get the hell out of here.

She started rocking back and forth again, doing her best to slam the chair into the decking. She began shouting too, the sound most ineffectual with the gag in her mouth, but if someone got close enough, they just might be able to hear her.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Coming Back – Chapter 6/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13 (This chapter is still pretty dark.)

Spoilers: AU after Exodus Part 2

Summary: Anders has Kara and he knows he's one of the Final Five. Based on Kara's current mental state, Lee's worried what will happen if he doesn't find her in time.

A/N: So sorry this update is a day late—Internet was shoddy at the hotel last night. But here you go. So pleased by everyone's responses so far. Hopefully, as the story progresses, you'll still be interested.

Also, by turning my phone into a tape recorder, I was able to plot out the rest of this story. That's the good news. The bad news: it's probably going to require another 100-150 pages. So, once I run out of stuff that I have saved, updates will probably come a little more slowly. I hope you'll hang in there with me!

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

~TamSibling

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Chapter 6

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"She's not supposed to be here, Apollo."

Sam had started spouting nonsense as soon as Lee cocked the gun and he was getting really tired of it.

"Where is she, Anders?"

"She's meant for more than this. More than you."

If he hadn't spoken with such conviction, Lee might have dismissed his ramblings as delusions. But something about the certainty in his tone, the belief in his eyes unnerved Lee.

"Anders. We gotta let her go."

Finally, the Chief had spoken up. Eyes darting to Lee and then back to Sam, he added, "This isn't the way. It's not going to work. Starbuck deserves to be here, on Galactica."

"With him?" Sam spat, some of the man's real anger shining through.

Galen tensed, before meeting Lee's gaze and then he nodded. "If that's what she wants, yeah. It's over, man."

Sam raised a hand, ready to strike, but Lee fired first. The bullet lodged itself somewhere in his shoulder. It would hurt like hell—Lee knew a little something about shoulder wounds—but it wouldn't kill him. Standing over Sam's body as he writhed on the floor and cursed at him under his breath, Lee asked, "Where is she, Chief?"

Tyrol shrugged. "I don't know, Apollo, I swear. He just came and said he was ready."

Lee bit his tongue to keep from cursing again. Eyes darting about the immediate area, he looked for some clue. There was nothing. Even as he tried to concentrate a banging noise he'd heard earlier started again, making it almost impossible for Lee to focus.

"Frak, Chief. Can you tell your knuckle draggers to keep it down?" he asked, pacing away from the noise.

"I don't know what that is, Apollo, but it's not my guys."

Eyes snapping to the other man's face, Lee felt a surge of hope. "Kara," he murmured, listening hard now, trying to discern the echo from actual noise so he could find her location.

Glancing back to Anders, he ordered the Chief, "Get him to sickbay and then turn yourself in to the MPs. If I come back and find out you're not in the brig, things are going to go very badly for you, Chief."

Eyes wide, Galen just nodded, before leaning down beside Anders' injured form. Lee didn't spare them another glance.

He found the hatch in minutes. Pressing his ear to the door, he heard the sharp clang of metal hitting metal and the muffled voice of someone being held against their will. Pressing his hand to the door, Lee shouted, "Kara. I'm here. I'm coming."

Keying in the override code didn't work; Lee wasn't surprised. Orchestrating a kidnapping on Galactica meant more than just tying someone up and throwing them over your shoulder.

Looking around for anything he could lever the door open with, he found a long piece of piping that might do it. Returning to the hatch, he inserted the metal in the crease between the door and the jamb and started to push, hoping to pop the lock.

It wasn't budging.

"Apollo."

He turned to find Cally and a couple of deck hands standing behind him, each holding a tool of some kind. His face must have conveyed his confusion.

"Chief told us you'd be around here. Said you might need some help."

Lee would be grateful later, right now, he just wanted to get to Kara. "Get this door open, ASAP."

Cally brought out a can of compressed air, stepping toward the hinges, her workers following with heavy mallets. As she froze first the top one and then bottom, they swung the heavy hammers against the stressed metal, banging hard to dislodge the hinges and get the door open.

Lee waited impatient. Kara had stopped making that noise. He told himself it was because she knew help was coming, but the silence still made him panic.

But silence was preferable to the crack of a gunshot filling the air.

Charging at the door, Lee ripped one of the hammers out of the crewman's hand and attacked the hinge with a barely contained growl. "Kara! Kara, I'm coming!"

Two hinges finally dropped away and Lee began pulling the door open, leaving the bottom hinge in place, not caring as he bruised his hands all to hell tearing at implacable metal in his desperation to get to her.

He vaulted over the ruined door, gun back in his head, staring into the dim room. His eyes adjusted quickly and finally he could see Kara. She was shaking, her limp body only held to the chair by the bindings at her feet and wrists. Lee moved toward her, just as he heard the soft groan of someone else near his feet.

Glancing down, he saw Tory on the floor, forehead bloody, another trail of blood oozing from her lower thigh. A gun was laying in her palm. "That bitch," she hissed, grasping for Lee's ankle with her free hand.

Lee didn't hesitate. Leveling his gun at her, he fired two bullets into her head and then holstered the weapon, moving swiftly to Kara's side.

"Kara. Kara, look at me." Her body was shaking so violently, Lee could hardly get his hands on her cheeks to steady her, to tip her head up so he could see her, pulling the gag away from her mouth.

Her face was a mess of blood and bruises. Eyes tightly shut, she was biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, murmuring something Lee couldn't hear. Checking her over quickly, he didn't see blood from a bullet wound, but he'd heard the gun shot. And she couldn't have fired a weapon, not tied up like this.

"Kara, are you hurt? Come on, Kara. Talk to me." He winced at the desperation in his voice, but she had to be okay. He had to have gotten here on time. He had to.

"Apollo?"

Cally and her team stood silhouetted in the doorway, the final hinge no longer an issue, the hatch completely gone. "Call Life Station, tell Cottle to prep a team." Catching sight of Tory's dead body just over his shoulder, he added, "And call my father. Ask him to come down here."

Cally nodded, ushering the others away from the door, scolding them with her firm tone for their craned necks and curiosity.

Looking back to Kara, Lee pulled his utility knife from the back of his belt, and slid it under the plastic bindings around her ankles first. He lifted the bottom of her pant legs a bit, hissing at the sight of the raw, red skin and the stark white skin directly below it. The bonds had been so tight she'd had no circulation to her toes.

Forcing away the implications of not enough blood moving to certain appendages, he undid the two ties at her wrists, holding both hands gently in his own. Her hands were freezing, the tips of her fingers just slightly blue.

Slowly, he began massaging one palm, pressing his thumb into the center and working outward in a growing circle, trying to restore circulation. As he moved on to each of her fingers, she hissed, eyes finally meeting his, finally registering someone else was in the room with her.

"Lee?"

He almost sobbed at the sound of his name falling from her lips. Keeping one hand holding hers, he cupped the other against her cheek. "Yeah, Kara. It's me. Are you okay? Are you hurt? I heard a gun shot."

Kara shook her head once before pressing the fingers of her free hand against her temple. "No, not shot." Eyes drifting past his shoulder, she added quietly, "She missed."

Trying to shield Kara from the sight of the body, Lee pushed himself onto his knees and straightened, blocking her view. "Kara. Hey, look at me."

It took her a minute, a minute in which Lee's heart stopped. Finally, when she met his gaze, he saw a clarity in her eyes that had been missing just moments before. "We need to get out of here, okay? Can you walk?"

She nodded, but as soon as she tried to push off the chair with her barely functioning hands and put weight on numb feet, she stumbled forward. Lee, who had risen with her, was there, arms outstretched so that she fell against his warm chest as her body and gravity betrayed her.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her, hands rubbing small circles along her spine as she sagged against him, breathing heavily, face turned into his neck. Lee was more than happy to stand there holding her, but the sound of shuffling feet outside reminded him they weren't exactly alone.

"Lee?"

He turned with Kara still in his arms, and found his father's concerned gaze where he stood at the hatch. His eyes swept the room as Lee placed his mouth next to Kara's ear and encouraged her to walk with him. It was more of a shuffle step and Lee guessed he'd soon be carrying her to life station. Her body just wasn't up for fine motor skills.

"Is she all right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, she's okay. But we need to get out of here. She needs to see Cottle."

Kara finally moved, using her still numb hands to press against Lee's chest. She didn't have much success in actually separating them, but she at least got his attention.

"No." She murmured, pulling back far enough to meet his gaze. "No, Lee. I don't want … I don't want to."

Moving a hand to her face, he said softly, "Kara, your nose is broken. The doc's going to have to set it." Something besides stubbornness flashed through her eyes for a moment, but it was too quick for Lee to analyze. "Besides, he's got the good pain meds. You're going to need them if you have any hope of getting sleep tonight."

She nodded slowly, eyes dropping down to the decking. But she didn't relax her stance, didn't lean against him as she had minutes before. Lee was embarrassed to realize he felt a little naked without her in his arms. "Kara?"

"Don't make me stay there." It was the softest whisper he'd ever heard. He barely understood her, but something about the tone of her voice and the request finally clicked. "I don't want to stay there."

Pulling her back towards him, Lee rested his chin on the top of his head. "Don't worry, Kara. You won't be alone. I promise."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara fought the urge to fidget; fought the overwhelming desire to rip the IV from her arm and bolt. She'd had an aversion to needles, hospitals and doctors since Caprica and The Farm, but today, after discovering her husband was a Cylon, after learning that the president's aide was one as well, Kara didn't trust anybody. And she certainly didn't like being this exposed, lying on a hospital bed, surrounded only by curtains that could be ripped down or burned away or just slid to the side.

She was vulnerable here. Anyone could sneak up on her and worst of all, she wasn't allowed to have a weapon. Kara desperately wanted to find the smallest corner in life station and shove herself into it. With cold metal on two sides and her vision clear, she'd be able to head off any kind of enemy before they got the drop on her. She liked those odds a hell of a lot better.

"Kara." Lee's soft voice was like a balm against her ragged nerves. His hand stroked her arm slowly, moving up to her shoulder and then to her face, cupping her cheek. He was so warm; the heat from his palm almost scalded her, but Kara liked it. Turning her head to the side, she caught sight of his blue eyes and felt a little of her frenetic energy dissipate. "Just breathe, Kara, okay? Cottle's almost done and then we'll get out of here, all right? I promise."

She believed him. Kara wasn't sure if it was foolishness, stupidity or naivete that allowed her to actually have faith in this man who had rescued her from Sam and Tory, rescued her from herself more times than she could remember. But the drugs Cottle had given her had made everything a little fuzzy and she couldn't quite find the energy to distrust Lee. Not when she couldn't trust anyone else.

"All right, Thrace. Now, listen up."

She whipped her head to the other side as Cottle entered the area, his entrance spoiled by the cigarette smoke that preceded him. Standing over her with the same stern look he had given her every time she had graced his precious Life Station, he said, "I've reset this nose five times, counting today. Next time you break it, I'm just going to cut it off and save all of us the trouble."

Cottle liked to pretend he was a mean old man, but Kara saw the twinkle in his eye and the softness at the corners of his mouth as he teased her. She wished she felt like smiling back.

"Other than the nose, I'm most worried about that arm." His eyes fell to her right arm where it lay at her side, encased from wrist to elbow in a flexible cast. "It's only a hairline fracture, but if you do too much too soon, it could get a lot worse."

"Don't worry, doc. She's going to take it easy."

Kara frowned, shooting a glare at Lee that didn't really have any menace behind it.

Lee fixed her with his own glare, before wrapping his hand around hers. "You can shoot dirty looks at me all you want, Kara. But you are going to take it easy." When she had no response to that, Lee again looked to the doctor. "What about her fingers and toes? Those bindings were really tight."

"I know." Cottle moved to the end of bed, flipping the sheet up and exposing her feet. They were starting to get color back in them, no longer matching the white bandage that the nurses had wrapped the cuts in. But it was a mottled red-pink, not the even color that skin should be. "Flex your toes for me, Thrace."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Kara lifted her right foot slightly off the bed and wiggled her toes. She did the same with the left foot, making the mistake of also trying to roll her ankle just to prove she could. The effort was met with a sharp pain as the movement pulled on the raw, abused skin. Hissing, she sank into the bed as she breathed through the lingering twinges.

She closed her eyes willing the pain away. The methodical touch of Lee's hand brushing across her forehead, careful of the bruises there made the initial pain fade quickly. When she opened her eyes again, she found his blue ones staring back at her, concern and so much more evident in his gaze. So many things she'd wanted to see for so long; so many things she didn't deserve.

"Don't do that again," Cottle ordered, back at her side, holding her right hand in his gently. "Now, let's try flexing the fingers."

This was harder. Kara tried to bend them, tried to make her knuckles do what they should, but it hurt. They were still numb, the tips slightly blue and Kara couldn't bend them far enough to make a fist. Add that to the pain of pulling on the tendons running alongside the hairline fracture and the pain was growing at an exponential rate.

She huffed out an exasperated breath, screwing her eyes shut to dispel the tears of pain that had gathered against her lashes.

"Easy, Kara. Just take it easy." It was Lee again, his hand smoothing a path over her forehead, running along her cheek and down her arm. By the time he'd started the pattern a second time, Kara felt steady enough to open her eyes and meet his gaze. Once again, she couldn't breathe but for an entirely different reason.

"Listen, Thrace, your hands and feet are going to be fine, but you're going to be damn uncomfortable for the next few days." Cottle had flipped open her chart and was making a note. There was a quarter-inch of spent ash dangling at the end of his cigarette. Kara didn't know what law of gravity kept it from falling. "And it's going to be pretty difficult to do anything normal, get dressed, take a shower, hold a fork. You're gonna need to be patient."

She couldn't help the eye roll that followed his statement. Lee went so far as to chuckle. "I'm sorry, doc. Have you met Kara Thrace?" he teased, giving her hair a gentle tug.

Cottle apparently didn't see the humor. "I want you to take in another bag of fluids, then you can go home." He left, muttering something about sending Ishay to discharge her in about an hour.

As soon as the curtain swished shut behind him, the tension Kara had tried to forget tightened in her chest once more. Despite Lee's steady presence at her side, she still felt too exposed.

"Kara, just breathe, okay?"

She slanted her eyes toward Lee, feeling some of the panic in her chest dissipate as they locked gazes. He gave her a soft smile, one she had missed in the past year and a half, before he leaned forward to brush a kiss against her cheek. "You're going to be okay. I promise."

She shook her head once. "You don't know that, Apollo."

He stiffened slightly at the use of his call sign. Kara figured that would bother him. He considered it impersonal, a way for each of them to hide behind their pilot personas which they both knew were not a fair representation of who they really were as people, never mind what they meant to each other. But Kara wasn't certain she could handle breaking that final barrier right now.

Maybe once they were alone. Maybe not ever.

"I do know that, Kara," he said quietly, as she resumed staring at the ceiling. "I know it because you're here and I'm here and that's all that matters."

She wanted to believe, with her entire being, with all the spit and fire that Starbuck had ever possessed, that Lee was here to stay. That he really meant all the things he said, that he had come looking for her today not just because she was a pilot, but because she was Kara and he was Lee and there were some things nobody—machine or human—could touch.

"Lee?"

They both startled at the sound of his father's voice. Kara could see him standing uncertainly in a part of the curtain, his eyes sliding from her to his son. "Hey, dad," Lee finally answered. He shifted in his seat and Kara felt an irrational fear that he would try to leave. She attempted to tighten her grip on his hand, but the movement was nearly impossible given the state of her fingers.

And it hurt like hell.

"I promised you I'd stay, and I will," he whispered, brushing a kiss to her cheek before pulling away, smiling softly. Kara actually smiled back.

If any of their interaction seemed odd to Adama, he didn't comment. "I need to talk to both of you," the Old Man stated, coming fully into the room. "First, about why my deck chief is cooling his heels in the brig and second, why your husband is laid up with a gunshot wound."

A physical shudder went through Kara's body at the mention of Sam. She had forgotten, for one blessed second that she'd actually married a machine; a skinjob just like Leoben. Another chill ran down her spine and she flinched involuntarily, feeling an overwhelming need to run again.

Lee's touch anchored her. "He won't get near you again, Kara."

She could tell by looking at him that he meant it, that Sam would need to go through Lee the next time he even thought of being on the same deck as her. But it was another promise he couldn't make. This time, she didn't call him on it.

"What exactly happened?" Adama asked, pulling another chair beside her bed, sitting just past Lee's shoulder. "Can you walk me though it, Kara?"

"I can. I don't want to."

Lee studied her for a moment and then looked to his father. "Maybe we can do this in the morning?"

"No." Kara forced herself to take a deep breath. Closing her eyes for a moment, she pushed all of her emotions and pain and the rest of it into a small closet in the back of her mind. It was getting pretty cramped between the transgressions of her mother, Zak, The Farm, Leoben and now Sam, but she managed to squeeze in this latest trauma and slam the door shut.

"It's fine." She felt more centered when she again opened her eyes and looked directly at the Old Man. "Sam's a Cylon. One of the Final Five."

"And apparently, so is the Chief and Tory, Roslin's aide," Lee added.

"The Chief?" Kara asked, feeling another knife of betrayal sink into her gut. "Really?"

Lee nodded, lips pressed together firmly. She recognized his own look of disappointment in the man they'd considered a friend.

The Old Man sucked in a breath between his teeth, sitting back heavily in his chair. He removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Kara and Lee kept quiet, waiting for his reaction.

With a heavy sigh, he put his glasses back on and then met Kara's gaze. "Do we know who the other two are?"

Kara shook her head. "I don't."

Lee echoed the sentiment. "No."

Adama nodded once, eyes focusing on the monitor just over Kara's shoulder. It was a common look of contemplation for the Old Man and Kara knew well enough to let him have a few moments.

"Do we know what Sam and the others wanted with you?" Adama finally asked, looking back to Kara.

Tory's threat to deliver her to Leoben, bloodied and bruised whispered through her mind, Sam's face, features hard, grip unyielding followed on its heels. "Sam said something about a special destiny. Apparently, I have one." Kara swallowed hard again, feeling her emotions pushing at the walls she'd placed around them. The heart monitor attached to her chest started to beep insistently as Kara felt her panic rise despite her best efforts.

Lee and the Old Man exchanged a quick concerned look before the latter got up quickly and left, while the former turned back to her. Rising out his chair slightly, Lee carefully cradled her hand between his as he brought his face directly into her line of sight. "Breathe, Kara, okay? You're safe. I swear to the Gods, he'll never come near you again. Please trust me."

That was the crux of it, really. Trust. Kara had learned from a painfully young age that she couldn't trust anyone. Not her father to stay with her; not her mother to take care of her; not her faith to guide her through a return trip to Caprica; not Sam, the man she'd chosen to marry; not the Old Man who had taken away her flight status. Not even Lee, who had told her he'd always have her back, but had left her behind.

It was no less than she deserved, Kara knew that. She had committed the first sin in their storied past, loving his brother and then killing him. Every other failing in their relationship could be traced back to that transgression: Colonial Day, Caprica, Sam, New Caprica. But now, when she had nothing else, when she had no one else, she found herself being weak, weak enough to need Lee, weak enough to think that maybe she had suffered enough and now she could finally be happy.

If Leoben had done one good thing for her, it was show her that she could never be happy. She would always want things she couldn't have—Kacey, Lee—and she would always remember that before she'd walked out of that dollhouse on New Caprica, she'd allowed Leoben to break her. Weak, selfish girls didn't deserve happiness. Wasn't that what mama had always said between the slaps of the belt?

Hurried activity around her pulled Kara back from her silent self-flagellation. Lee was still standing beside her, worry and concern etched into every line on his face. Ishay and Cottle were back as well. The doc, still smoking, was reviewing her vital signs, barking orders to the nurse who left and returned to the curtained area with brisk efficiency.

Kara watched them in a detached way as they hung another bag of some clear liquid on her I.V. stand. She watched in silence as Cottle pressed his stethoscope to her heart and flashed a penlight in front of her eyes. Somewhere she knew Lee was calling to her, she could hear the edge of fear in his voice. She watched as his lips moved, saying her name, asking her if she was okay, but Kara found she couldn't answer, she just felt like slipping under, sleeping so she wouldn't have to remember. Giving in, she closed her eyes.

Through it all, she was only truly conscious of one thing: Lee was still holding her hand.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Coming Back – 7/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Everything after Exodus Part 2

Summary: Is Kara really on the road to recovery? And is Lee really willing to see it through and stay with her no matter what?

A/N: So sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Starting a new job is really kicking my butt. But I am starting to work on this again and my goal is to have it completed by New Year's Eve! Thanks again to everyone for sticking with this and for all of your wonderful and encouraging comments. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate it. Truly.

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Chapter 7

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Lee chugged back the rest of his coffee, doing his best to bypass his taste buds. He needed the caffeine; the bitter, almost moldy taste was simply an unfortunate byproduct of algae processing and the lack of coffee beans post-apocalypse. It'd be easier to take stims and far less disgusting. But he didn't want to be that hopped up. He'd suffer the taste.

"Lee?"

He turned to see his father entering Kara's area. As the Old Man took a seat in the other empty chair, Lee greeted him. "Hey, dad. What's up?"

They both kept their voices low, hoping not to disturb Kara, although Lee doubted her drug-induced slumber would be disrupted by simple talking.

"How is she?" His father's eyes did a quick perusal of Kara's resting form before coming back to Lee.

"No change, not really." Almost of their own volition, his eyes skirted back to her. No matter how much time he spent in her presence, no matter how many times he assured himself she was here, Lee found it almost impossible to turn away. As if keeping her in his LOS could somehow keep her safe, make her better.

"Has she awoken since her last episode?"

Lee bristled at the term, but figured it was better than 'psychotic break' which was how Cottle had described the incident a few hours ago. "No. Cottle thinks the drug will keep her out for a few more hours. Her body's in pretty bad shape, she needs the rest and the nutrients."

It turned his stomach that Kara had fallen this far before anyone—including him—had noticed. She shouldn't be trussed up in a Life Station bed, getting nutrition from a clear bag of IV fluids. How could he have missed the warning signs?

"This isn't your fault, son."

Whipping his head back to his father, Lee said sharply, "Really, dad? Because last time I checked, it was my decision for the fleet to abandon New Caprica."

"A decision I agreed with," Adama conceded. Removing his glasses, he rubbed a hand over tired eyes and for the first time Lee saw how much his father had aged since the exodus. "It was the right move for the fleet, Lee. We wouldn't have been in any position to launch a rescue if we'd stayed."

"Fine. So, it was the right move for the fleet, but Kara suffered, dad. She was held captive."

"I know that," he snapped, no doubt hoping to end this discussion.

Lee refused to indulge him. "Did you know that Leoben held her? That he kept her in some kind of apartment and brought Kacey to her, claiming it was their child? Did you know that?"

The utter devastation on his face gave Lee his answer. "Yeah, I didn't think so." Giving Kara another glance, he looked back to his father once more and made him meet his gaze. "So, you'll have to forgive me if I don't give a rat's ass what was good for the fleet. Not when it means Kara went through nine types of hell."

His father remained silent. Lee took a few deep breaths, trying to get his rioting heart under control, trying to choke back the disgust he felt at his own actions in those few crucial moments over New Caprica almost two years ago. It should have never gone down like that. Hell, Kara shouldn't have even been on that planet. _She should have been up here, with me._

"I talked with Anders and the Chief."

Lee sucked in a breath, not prepared for this conversation. He was still fighting the urge to pound Anders' face into a bloody pulp. The Chief's betrayal, a man who he had considered a friend, a man who had kept his bird and Kara's safe, was worse.

"And?"

"They both claim they had no idea they were Cylons until a few weeks ago. Anders is very concerned about Kara. He's asked to see her."

"No."

"Lee, that's not really your decision. They are still married."

His father's infuriating rationality was like a cheese grater on Lee's nerves. "Are you kidding me? He lost all claims to Kara the minute he let Leoben get his hands on her. He just kidnapped her not less than twelve hours ago."

Lee heard the rustle of fabric and when his father spoke again, his voice was lower, but closer, implying he'd leaned forward in his seat. "Son, you're still married as well. Don't you think your wife—"

His father's helpful marital advice was cut short as Kara stirred, her forehead creasing, a distressed moan issuing from her, before she murmured, "Lee. Lee will come for me."

His heart clenched painfully in his chest. Lee rose from his chair, and reached for Kara's hand, squeezing it as gently as possible, still aware of the pain she'd been in before she'd passed out. With his other hand against her hair, he leaned forward, brushing his lips against her cheek as he whispered, "I'm here, Kara. You're safe."

This time, Kara's sigh was one of contentment. The worry lines eased off her features as she relaxed again. "Lee," she murmured once more, only this time it was more a hum than a sign of distress.

Both men waited a handful of minutes, not wanting to disturb Kara further, wanting her to continue to get the rest her body so desperately needed. Finally, Lee spoke, still next to Kara's side, his hand still holding hers. "I've filed divorce papers. I moved out of our quarters pretty much right after we jumped from New Caprica. The divorce should be finalized by the end of the week."

His father inhaled a sharp breath, but had no further comment. Lee continued. "As far as I'm concerned the only thing Anders deserves to see is the inside of an airlock. If you want to ask Kara when she wakes, that's fine, but I won't do it."

Turning, he set his jaw and met his father's gaze as he said, "I promised her she'd be safe. I promised her she'd never see Anders again, and I'm going to keep that promise."

If his father had more to say, he obviously knew it wasn't the time. Lee kept his attention on Kara even as he heard the Old Man rise, taking a few slow steps to the edge of the curtain. "Call me if there's any change," he whispered before slipping out.

Alone with Kara again, Lee breathed a sigh of relief. No matter how desperately his body needed rest—and a shower—he knew he couldn't leave her. No one seemed to understand how precarious her situation was. It was Lee's job, as her friend, lover, wingman, to watch her six. And that's exactly what he was going to do.

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It wasn't until Bill was back in his quarters that he realized Kara really had slipped away from him. Her distress hit him like a physical blow and Adama leaned heavily on his sofa, sinking into the overused cushions. He ripped at the buttons on his collar needing more air, needing freedom. He couldn't be responsible for this.

He'd already left three thousand people on New Caprica. He thought Kara had been one of the lucky ones – one of the people he'd actually saved. He couldn't bear to think he hadn't – couldn't live with the thought that something had finally destroyed her.

And Lee – had they destroyed each other? Who was responsible? Adama wanted someone to blame. Blaming the Cylons was no longer satisfying – they were too ephemeral and Bill wanted a target. Someone needed to hurt – just as Kara was hurting.

Maybe if someone paid for her pain, he could ease it. He had an entire Battlestar at his command and yet he'd never felt more impotent. There had to be a way for him to make it up to her. To make it better.

Gods, he wanted to make it better.

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_Kara awoke feeling fuzzy. Her mind was slow to recognize where she was, feeling as though she were wading through cotton balls to bring anything into focus. Slowly, the muted lights and the soft beeping connected in her mind signaling Life Station._

_Immediately, her heartbeat spiked. Why was she here and where was Lee? Kara felt the sharp sting of an IV in the top of her hand as she tried to move and found herself hooked up to a bag of clear fluid on a stand above her head. Struggling to sit up, she found it hurt too much to put pressure on her wrists, her right arm giving out completely, causing her to flop back down with an 'oof.' _

_An alarm started to beep insistently, the noise growing louder as seconds passed and her breathing quickened. Similar to the sluggishness of her mind, the sounds around her sounded foggy, like they were traveling through water. It left her insanely disoriented and even more frakking panicked then before._

"_Kawa, Kawa."_

_She turned her head in the direction of the voice and felt her heart stutter in her chest before she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. "Kacey?"_

_The little girl was sitting beside her, perfect and whole, no bandage wrapped around her head, no dried tears on her cheeks. She was simply there, smiling at Kara. "Kawa better?"_

"_Yeah, honey, I'm better. I'm a lot better." _

_Kacey gave her a toothy grin that Kara's weakened resolve was powerless to resist. Tears sliding down her cheeks, Kara tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. During her silence, Kacey crawled toward her, kneeling next to her on the bed before thrusting something at her. It was small and shiny in the little girl's fist. _

"_What's this?" Kara asked, reaching for it. "A present?"_

_Kacey nodded, still smiling and crowed proudly, "Auwowa."_

_Kara stared, eyes wide as she studied the small gold statue in her hand. "What?"_

"_Auwowa."_

_She didn't understand. Kara tried to order her mind, tried to make sense of what was happening, but just as quickly Kacey was gone and she was thrust into blackness. _

"_Kaceyy?"_

"_It will be all right, Kara." The soft, calm voice sent a jolt of fear through her body and Kara froze, refusing to look up, refusing to acknowledge what had to be a delusion. _

_She would have believed it was all part of some horrendous nightmare until she felt his dry, warm hand on the top of her head. "Shh, Kara. God has a plan for you. Everything will be fine."_

_Slowly, Kara looked up and felt her stomach churn with disgust and loathing. Leoben's gentle smile greeted her. He was beside her, looking at her with those patient eyes, his expression full of its normal condescension. _

_Terrified, she tried to get away from him, but the IV and bedding trapped her. "You're not real," she murmured, wide eyes still intent on his form. "You're not real. You can't be real."_

"_It's me, Kara," he said, and again the touch of his hand to her cheek was unmistakable. "I've come to take you back with me. You need to fulfill your destiny."_

_She shook her head hard. "No, get away from me."_

_Again, he smiled that same patient smile, the one that made her want to scream and then sighed. "I'm sorry, Kara, but I can't do that. God has sent me to you. I love you, Kara. I will protect you and care for you the rest of your life."_

_He leaned forward, bringing their lips just inches apart, and whispered, "And you love me, too, Kara. You told me. Remember?"_

_She shuddered, closing her eyes as the memory of those last few minutes on New Caprica came back to her. She shook her head slightly and murmured, "I don't. I didn't mean it."_

"_Yes, you did, Kara." He looked amused, as if he found her denial cute. "I know you meant it."_

_A muted shout that sounded suspiciously like Lee, insistent and determined, was scratching at the edge of her consciousness, but all Kara could see was Leoben; all she could feel was his hand against her cheek; all she knew was that he was going to kiss her. And as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, Kara felt herself pitch over into the darkness that had settled itself into her heart._

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He had dozed, on and off, for the six or so hours Kara had been under. Every time, the jerk of his chin hitting his chest woke him with a jolt, but despite his best efforts, Lee found exhaustion was taking hold. He was just considering whether stims might actually be his last resort, when Kara awoke on a gasp, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

The fear and terror radiating off of her hit Lee in waves and he had to swallow a few times before he trusted himself to speak. "Kara? It's okay. It was just a dream. You're safe now."

She gave no reaction, just closed her eyes, murmuring something under her breath, pulling herself into the tightest ball she could manage on the narrow bed. Rounding the bed, Lee knelt before her, trying to catch her eyes. She was staring at nothing. "Kara?"

She simply began murmuring louder at the sound of his voice, placing her hands over her ears. He listened closely, trying to make out her words and felt another piece of his heart break.

"Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama, Kara Thrace loves Lee Adama," she murmured over and over again.

Resting his hand to her cheek, he leaned forward and answered, "Lee Adama loves Kara Thrace."

She inhaled sharply, eyes finally focusing on him. She covered the hand he held to her face with hers and squeezed before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, they were clear and focused. "Thank you," she murmured.

He nodded, holding her gaze and maintaining his position even as his knees ached from crouching beside her. He wasn't letting go until she did.

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It was close to an hour before she spoke again. "I want to go."

Lee glanced up, surprised by the steadiness in her voice. "Go where, Kara?"

She shrugged, taking in a shaky breath. "Just not here. I can't, I can't stay here, Lee. Please."

Lee sighed. She had warned him hours ago that she didn't want to stay in Life Station. Despite the improvements she'd made physically with Cottle's attention, there was no doubt her mental state was still suffering and not getting any better. Sitting beside her once more, he was more than relieved when she didn't pull away from him. "Okay. I'll see if I can get Cottle to spring you, but you've got to agree to rest. Okay?"

She nodded before threading her fingers through his. "Understood," she said quietly.

Lee took it as a good sign, even though he knew it would take more than a shared smile and an agreement to sleep to make it better. "I'll go talk to Cottle. Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

He expected a derisive snort and some cutting remark about her ability to take care of herself. But instead, she just withdrew her hand from his and pulled the covers tight over her body. "Yeah, I'll be fine," she said with little conviction.

Lee nodded and then bent forward to brush a kiss to her forehead.

She flinched, causing Lee to pull away before he'd managed to make contact. "Kara?"

Squeezing her eyes shut, he watched her cheeks go pale before she managed a deep breath and then met his gaze again. "Leoben used to … he used to do that," she murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

Lee paused, horrified at the implication that the Cylon had taken such liberties with Kara, but he wasn't going to let that monster keep winning. So, instead of pressing his lips to her forehead, Lee bent down once more and pressed them gently against her mouth. She hesitated for a second before returning the gesture. It was probably the most innocent kiss they had ever shared, but to Lee it felt like the greatest victory. Pulling back, he smiled, glad to see a similar expression on Kara's face.

As he left, he said a silent prayer to the gods that he was making the right call for Kara. Now was not the time to continue his streak of doing all the wrong things where she was concerned.

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Kara walked with Lee from Life Station, grateful for the solid warmth of his hand in hers. She still wasn't sure what was real, if she was real, if any of this was real, but she knew Lee was real. She just knew it, intrinsically, like knowing when you've nailed the perfect landing or aced a test. She knew it.

Everything else was blurry, frayed at the edges. Colors and shapes seemed too sharp, too pronounced. The people they passed, all feigning nonchalance, when in truth their curiosity was choking them, seemed out of proportion—eyes and mouths too big for their faces, heads too big for their bodies. Kara did her best not to focus on them. She was barely holding onto her own existence, she couldn't afford for anything or anyone else to confuse her.

They made it back to Lee's office. She hesitated outside the door, unwilling to have a repeat of the scene from earlier in the day, but with a gentle tug, Lee urged her inside and she followed him.

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A/N: Well, what do you think? Are you still with me?


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Coming Back – 8/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13 (there is some kissin')

Spoilers: Anything up to Exodus, Part 2, AU after that.

Summary: Kara's barely holding on to her sanity. Is the worst really behind her or is there more darkness to come?

A/N: Okay kids, this is the last bit that's actually written, so updates will be coming more slowly. I'm hoping to update at least once a week until the end of the year and finish the story before New Year's Eve. I'll trust you all to keep me honest.

I struggled a bit with elements of this chapter, but I believe the journey I have Kara on warrants her current state of mind and reactions. Hopefully, you agree.

Thanks again for reading and for all the comments. You guys are the reason I have the wherewithal to finish this.

Thanks,

~TamSibling

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Chapter 8

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Lee sat across the room, watching Kara as she slowly cleaned her plate. He had brought the most appetizing thing from the mess that he could find. He'd expected to have to fight her, force her to choke down the algae and live with it. But instead, he'd returned to his office to find Kara sitting cross-legged on the bunk, calm as can be. She'd taken the food without complaint, even murmuring a small "thank you" before digging in. Mindful of Cottle's warning about her inability to hold a utensil, Lee had hovered for a moment before it became evident that Kara, in spite of the discomfort, wasn't going to be spoonfed.

Now, she was finished and she looked up to him, empty plate in her hand. "Aren't you eating?"

He shook his head. He could barely keep himself from dry heaving as he thought of everything Kara had been through. The idea of eating anything seemed unbelievably impossible.

Rising, he took the plate from her and set it on his desk. Grabbing a couple bottles of water, he handed one to her and then opened his own, taking a few big swallows. Kara studied him closely, eyes wide and seeing and despite how much he'd wanted her to come back to him, her abrupt shift was unnerving.

"Kara." He stopped, not at all certain what to say. Was he honestly going to chide her for seeming all right?

"Lee. Thank you," she said softly, eyes cast down to the bedspread. "Thank you for stopping him."

He swallowed hard once more and took a seat. He kept space between them, not wanting to give Kara any reason to pull away from him again. Reaching for her hand, she stretched out her free one and then winced as uncurling her fingers reminded her of the restraints.

She stared at her their joined hands, taking a few deep breaths before she raised her head and looked at him, wide eyes full of tears, so big and dark Lee felt himself sinking into them. "They said … they said they were taking me to Leoben."

Lee fought the urge to tighten his hold on her hand knowing it would only hurt. "It's not going to happen Kara."

She nodded in response and then blinked, dislodging her tears. They fell in silent streams down her face as she stared at the room, taking in everything but Lee. He desperately wanted to draw her attention back to him, but he didn't want to push. He had no idea what would happen if he did.

"You should let them take me," she said softly, eyes still not looking at Lee.

For a second, he was sure he'd misheard her, but as his eyes registered the utter despair on her face, he knew he hadn't.

"No, Kara, that's not going to happen," Lee told her, inching closer still, until their knees were touching. "You're safe here."

She shook her head more tears falling, but stayed almost eerily calm as she said, "No. You don't understand. Leoben wants me, he says I have a destiny. If you'd let me go, he'd stop." Raising her eyes to his face, she explained urgently, "Kacey would be safe. The fleet would be safe."

Lee swallowed hard, not at all sure how to convince her she wasn't thinking clearly. "What about me, Kara?" he whispered finally, not surprised when the statement brought a confused expression to her face. "I love you, remember? I can't let you sacrifice yourself."

She smiled softly, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Then stop loving me," she told him, as if it were simple, as if all he had to do was rethink their relationship and he'd be free of her.

"No." Cupping her face in his hands, he held her gaze and told her, "No, Kara. I can't and I don't want to. So, you're going to stay here with us, with me, and you're going to be safe."

Terror clouded her eyes for a second, before she again replaced it with a placid calm. "I'll never be safe, Lee."

He was desperate to help her. Dropping his chin to his chest, he took a deep breath, fearing his own tears would fall. He couldn't allow that; the last thing he could afford was to be weak for Kara.

"Kara, what does Leoben want with you?" he finally asked, meeting her eyes once more. She immediately retreated from him, but he wouldn't release his hold on her and she was forced to look at him.

She exhaled a shaky breath and Lee didn't know if she'd answer him. He knew that whatever Leoben's diabolical purpose was, getting Kara to recognize that he couldn't get her—that handing herself over to that frakker wouldn't do anything but put her life in danger—was the first step in getting her to admit what had happened and maybe move on.

Slowly, as though the movement pained her, she raised her eyes back to his and said softly, "He wants me to love him."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara watched fear, disgust and horror cross Lee's face before he replaced his emotions with his usual stoicism. She didn't understand why admitting Leoben's purpose hadn't sent Lee running. He was still sitting on the bed, his knee touching hers, his hands cupping her cheeks, his gaze intent on hers. Why didn't he leave?

"Kara, that's not going to happen." He sounded so sure; Kara wondered how he knew that. Even she wasn't that confident.

"You don't understand, Lee," she murmured, pulling away from him. He let her go and she let out a heavy sigh. "That's all he wants. He thinks that if I love him, I'll be able to fulfill the destiny his God has apparently set before me."

"Which is what, Kara?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure, but it involved believing I was Kacey's mother and that he was her father." She paused and then spoke the traitorous thought that had haunted her since Sam's revelation yesterday. "I've already loved one cylon. What's another?"

Kara tried to gauge Lee's reaction, watching as his eyes widened and then narrowed. She could almost see his brain working, trying to piece together the random bits of information he knew. He now knew enough to be dangerous; to be noble and chivalrous and Lee. She wondered how many times she had to break his heart to cure him of that.

"Kara, tell me. All of it." His voice was gentle, but his eyes left little room for disagreement.

Rising, she crossed to his desk, hoping that gaining distance would make this easier. "No, Lee. You don't want to know and I don't want to tell you." She let the room fill with silence, before moving toward the hatch. "I'm going to go."

"No, Kara." Lee was in front of the hatch in the few steps it took her to reach it and she could tell by the set of his shoulders he wasn't going to budge. She sighed. She really didn't have a fight in her, not tonight; especially with her body still aching from all she'd been through.

"Apollo, don't do this," she murmured, not afraid to add the tiniest hint of a plea to her voice. "Just leave it."

Lee's jaw tightened and she watched intently as he struggled for something to say. She knew he would hold her there indefinitely if he thought it would actually work. But he knew her far too well.

Giving her a quick look from head to toe, he finally said, "You promised me you'd get some rest."

She sighed. "I can rest in my bunk."

"Yeah, because that's worked so well the past few months," he taunted softly, no real malice behind the accusation. "Look, aside from promising me, I promised Cottle that you'd get some sleep. I don't need that old coot coming after me for disobeying a direct order."

She wanted to leave, needed to leave, before her resolve broke completely. But Lee had been trying all day to care for her. He'd watched over her in Life Station, convinced her to get some rest, even found her, saving her from Sam and Tory.

"Fine." She went without argument back to his bunk, noting that Lee stood frozen before the door for a moment before moving quickly to the footlocker on the other side of the room.

She wouldn't look at him, even as he came back and stood before her, holding something in her direction. "Here. These will be more comfortable than your BDUs."

Kara reached up and took his sweats, the worn fabric soft against her bruised hands. As she lowered them into her lap she couldn't help taking a deep breath, and caught the scent of Lee, soapy and masculine, on the fabric. The sense memory was enough cause her stomach to clench and she realized this had been the biggest mistake. Kara already felt her body locking up, refusing to move, intent to stay right where she was until the nightmare images she'd tried to ignore stopped haunting her.

In a startling moment of clarity, she realized she didn't have that extra reserve of strength she had relied on so often. With Starbuck's disappearance somewhere on New Caprica, it just wasn't possible. Despite her bravado, she couldn't do it. She couldn't pretend.

With her breath frozen in her lungs and fear causing her heart to race, she knew she was going to lose it and there was nothing she could do. She wasn't sure what would push her over the edge. And then, Lee said her name.

"Kara?"

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

The wail that filled the room was almost inhuman in its pitch and volume. But the emotions beneath it: fear, pain, terror, anger, despair, were so real, Lee found himself staggering back a step, bracing himself for a moment against the nearest bulkhead.

He watched fascinated as Kara collapsed on the bed, body curled into the tightest ball he had ever seen and sobbed. Her body shook violently with the weight of her tears and Lee found himself staring, unable to conjure a time when he'd seen a similar sight. And then, as the realization of what he was seeing really hit him, Lee finally moved like a Viper being shot out of the tube.

Without hesitation, he crawled onto the bed behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back tight into his chest. With one hand, he brushed her hair from her cheek, finding it difficult as he was now shaking in harmony with Kara's trembling form.

Pressing his cheek to hers, he murmured ridiculous things, telling her it would be okay, that she was safe, that he was here and he wasn't leaving. She continued to sob for untold minutes and eventually Lee stopped trying to make it better and simply held her tight.

The room was soon filled with a strange silence, the only sound Kara's ragged breathing and the pounding of his heart. Lee felt certain she could feel it against her back, it was beating so hard. He didn't venture anything into the quiet, knowing Kara would speak when she was ready; he was actually about eighty percent sure she wouldn't say anything, but eventually stand up, wipe off her cheeks and walk out. He wouldn't let her, but it was what he expected her to do. This level of intimacy was almost unheard of for Kara Thrace.

"He told me she was mine." Her hoarse, quiet voice startled him, but Lee forced himself to focus as she continued to speak. "He kept me in that apartment for months and then, a few weeks before the exodus, he brought Kacey to me. He said she was my daughter, that they …" She inhaled a heavy breath and pushed it back out. Lee brushed his lips to her temple, giving her an extra squeeze around the waist.

Her hands were resting over his and she entwined their fingers. "He said they had made her from my ovary, the one they took at the Farm. That she was mine and his and that I was a mother."

Lee closed his eyes. It was bad enough being held prisoner, but knowing her as he did, he could only assume that images of her vindictive and abusive mother had been all she could think about when first setting eyes on Kacey.

"He left me with her and I just couldn't take it. I kept thinking of mama and all the times she locked me in a closet or left welts on my back or broke my bones." Again her fingers tightened imperceptibly over his before she went on. "And I couldn't … I knew she was just a kid, but in those first few minutes, I hated her."

Tucking her chin into her chest, Kara paused and Lee felt her shudder once more. "She was part Cylon and I hated her for it."

There was a longer pause and Lee knew she was crying again. Holding tight, he raised himself up, just a bit, getting a sidelong glance of her face. Her cheeks were pale, shining in the little light there was from her tears. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he murmured against her skin, "It's only natural, Kara."

"No." She shook her head fiercely, releasing his hand to wipe at her face. But she still didn't turn to look at him. "She's just a kid. No matter who or what her father is, none of it was her fault, but I just couldn't see it."

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I couldn't be in the same room with her. She kept running around, singing some nonsense song, coming up to me and begging to be picked up, I just couldn't handle it. So I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the water so I wouldn't have to hear her.

"Oh Gods," she groaned.

Lee's heart inexplicably tightened in his chest. "What happened, Kara?" he asked gently, moving one of his arms from around her waist to stroke her arm gently.

"I heard a little scream and then a thud," she told him in a hushed voice. "When I ran out to see what had happened, she was lying at the foot of the stairs and there was blood …"

Lee continued to touch her, wanting her to know he was here, wanting her to know that he wasn't judging her or leaving her alone. Considering all she'd told him so far, he was amazed she'd come back from the surface even remotely coherent.

"He must have been watching us, watching me, that frakker. He came in as soon as I called for help," she continued. "He took her to a Simon and I just couldn't leave her." Inhaling, she pushed out with her next breath, "I couldn't let a cut on the head be the only legacy I left with my daughter."

"Kara," he sighed, not knowing what to say, only wanting to stop her litany for just a moment. The amount of pain and self-loathing he heard in her voice scared him.

"I stayed next to her until she woke up and he stayed, too. When she opened her eyes …" Kara swallowed. "When she opened her eyes, I was so relieved, I was so grateful that the Gods had given me another chance. And I thought, 'If she's mine, then my only job is to be the best mother ever. My only job is to love her and protect her.'

"So, I let him in," she finished darkly. Lee froze for just a second, but he knew she felt it when she sighed heavily and said, "He wants me to love him, Lee. He thought that if I thought we had a child together, I would naturally grow to love him."

A million different scenarios Lee didn't like surfaced in his consciousness. The idea that the Cylon had kept Kara captive was already grim enough; the thought that he might have hurt her, attacked her, made him sick with fury. "What happened, Kara?"

"I stopped killing him every night. I started being a little friendlier. I had to make sure Kacey was all right. If I smiled at him, he'd bring her a toy or a special dessert. My only focus was her. She kept me alive, kept me from going insane.

"The day of the exodus, Leoben wanted to leave us there. He didn't think we'd win. When I tried to leave, he hit me, hard and I blacked out. The next thing I remember is Sam waking me up, telling me I was safe. I panicked though 'cause we were halfway down the hall and I didn't see Kacey. I sprinted back toward the cell, I know Anders thought I was insane, but I couldn't leave without my … my daughter," she said hoarsely, almost choking on the word.

"He was waiting for me, he had her and he wasn't going to let her go. So, I gave in."

Lee had no idea what she meant, but just the words "gave in" and Starbuck even remotely in the same sentence, chilled his blood.

"He wanted me to love him, so I told him I did. Then, I kissed him and I killed him. And I took Kacey and ran."

Silence. It was punctuated over the next few minutes by Kara's hiccupping sobs. He simply held her tight, keeping her close to him so that she'd know nothing she'd said had changed Lee's opinion of her in any way. All of this was his fault any way.

"When we got back, to Galactica, Julia found us and she took Kacey and she was just gone." Kara's voice was barely more than a whisper. Lee had to lean even closer to hear her. "You hated me. The Old Man hated me and all that was left was Sam.

"I married a Cylon, Lee." She shuddered, a full body shiver that spread from her head to her toes. "Maybe Leoben was right. Maybe I am destined to love him too."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee took a deep breath and fought the urge to let her go. He didn't want to, but the sick churning in his gut had grown the more Kara spoke and he needed to get some distance on it. Needed to take a few deep breaths until the urge to vomit passed.

Keeping one arm around her waist, he levered himself up into a sitting position, gently turning Kara until she was on her back, looking up at him. He inhaled sharply as he studied her features, uncertain what to say. Were there even words to express how much he loved her? How much he wanted to march to Life Station and kill her husband? How much he wished he'd been with her on New Caprica so that he could have kept her safe?

"It's okay, Lee," she murmured, a sad smile replacing her desolate expression as she brushed her fingers against his cheek. "You can leave. I understand."

He blinked once, sitting upright all the way. It required him to remove his arm from her waist, but when he reached back for her hand, she wouldn't give it to him. "Kara, what are you talking about?"

She sighed heavily and then matched his posture, sitting up with a wince as she put too much pressure on her damaged wrists. Back leaning against the bulkhead, she fingered the cuff of the sweatpants he'd given her, resolutely keeping her eyes fixed in her lap. "I told you I loved you and then ran away. I married a frakking Cylon, Lee. I understand why you don't love me anymore. You should leave before I hurt you again."

"No, Kara." Her head snapped up, eyes locking with his as he shook his head and said firmly. "No. We've done that. We've done the hurting each other thing, being apart, trying to do what's best for everyone else except us. I'm not doing it again. I'm not leaving you."

Kara gaped at him for a moment, her expression blank, until it slowly filled with something akin to anger. Knowing Kara as he did, Lee guessed it was simply to mask her fear—fear that she might finally get what she wanted, what she needed. "You don't want to be with me, Lee. I frakked a cylon. A skin job! Do you really think you can make love to me now, knowing that? Knowing that a cylon had me? Knowing that I almost gave into another one just to keep a kid who isn't even mine safe?"

Her voice had risen to a shout and she was standing now on his bed, pointing an accusatory finger at him as her cheeks flushed with anger and fear and self-loathing. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her down forcefully, holding her tight to his side even as she tried to scratch at him, tried to get away.

"Kara, listen, no one could have known Anders was a Cylon. Listen to me. He fooled all of us. He was the frakkin' captain of the C-Bucs and no one ever suspected. That is not your fault. Sam used you, maybe unknowingly, but he did, just like Leoben. They're the bad guys in this scenario, Kara. You did _nothing_ wrong."

He paused to take a breath, realizing that Kara was no longer struggling against him. Pulling back slightly, he saw that her face had again gone blank, eyes staring into the far distance, looking at nothing. Taking her by the shoulders, he pulled her around until she was facing him, until they were almost nose-to-nose and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet, gentle. "You did what you had to do for Kacey. Because you knew that little girl didn't deserve to suffer. Because you couldn't leave her on New Caprica with the Cylons. Because you are a good person, Kara, a loving person who cares about people, especially people who can't defend themselves. Frak, you've dedicated your life to rescuing people." He dropped his eyes to his lap for a second, thinking of all the times she'd rescued his sorry behind.

"Do you remember the first day of the war? My ship was busted and I figured my ticket was punched. And then you, you just swooped in out of nowhere and lodged our birds together and rescued me. You saved my life, Kara. You saved my life with little regard for your own, because that's what you do."

At some point, she had focused her eyes back on him. As she listened to him now, he saw the start of tears welling in the bottom of her beautiful eyes. He ran his hands up her arms and to her cheeks, dropping his voice to a whisper as he continued. "You have saved my ass more times than I can count. You're so good, you've saved your own ass before anyone can even think to do it for you. But you can't now, Kara. This is—it's too big for one person to handle alone. So let me help." Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, he smiled softly and added, "Let me save you, for once."

Kara's bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, eyes still searching his looking for something he hoped to the Gods she'd find. Finally, leaning forward until his lips barely brushed hers, he murmured, "Lee Adama loves Kara Thrace. Then, now, always."

And then he kissed her.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara's heart was thundering in her chest, the pounding almost drowning out Lee's words, but she could hear him, could hear him over the sound of Leoben's taunting voice in the back of her head. If she focused hard enough, she could even banish the image of her and Sam in her bunk, frakking each other to the point of exhaustion.

And as he kissed her, she could believe that she was worthy of someone like Lee, someone warm and kind and loving who thought she was worth something in return. Almost involuntarily, one hand came up and curled around the back of Lee's neck pressing them closer together as the kiss continued, stealing Kara's breath. Tilting her head to the side, she opened her mouth to catch a breath and Lee gently traced his tongue along her lower lip. She knew he wanted to deepen the kiss and despite the fact that anyone else's touch had made her skin crawl in the past few months, she wanted Lee to touch her.

Kara met his tongue with her own, giving him tacit permission and soon they were consuming each other, tongues meeting and twining, arms and legs akimbo as they strained to erase every inch of wasted space between them. Longing to get closer, to feel more, Kara raised herself on her knees, straddling his hips with her own before settling back on his lap. Still kissing him, she worked her hands up and under Lee's tanks, pressing her palms flat against his warm skin, ignoring the twinge of pain she felt at straightening her knuckles.

Tentatively, Lee's hands explored as well, feather light fingers glancing down her sides, tickling the sides of her breasts before settling on her hips, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into the skin above the waistband of her pants.

Chest heaving, Kara had to pull away, resting her forehead to his shoulder as she fought to catch her breath. His lips continued a slow slide down her cheek, to the soft skin behind her ear, where he attached his mouth and sucked for a few moments, causing Kara to shiver. Apparently, he remembered her weak spot.

As he drew back, Kara straightened to meet his gaze and held her breath, worried about what she'd see there. Would he regret kissing her? Would he be disgusted that he still wanted someone who was so obviously damaged? Would he tell her to leave?

But all she saw was a soft smile on his face, as he brushed his lips against hers and murmured, "Gods, I missed you."

Smiling back, Kara pressed her forehead into his neck, hoping to hide the tears she felt forming. "I missed you, too," she whispered, before brushing a kiss to his skin and then wrapping her arms tightly around him.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Adama dismissed the guard as soon as he entered the brig, telling the young man to take a walk. Without hesitation, the solider had obeyed and so now, Adama stood with a receiver in hand, staring through clear plexiglass at his former Deck Chief.

Galen had saluted the minute he entered the brig, but quickly relaxed the posture as Adama simply stared. Finally, with a defeated slump to his posture, he shuffled toward the wall and lifted the receiver inside his cell. "Sir?"

He wanted answers, needed them actually to keep the yawning darkness from swallowing him whole. But now that Bill was here, in close proximity to one of the only people who might know what the frak was going on, he didn't even know where to begin.

"I'm sorry." Galen broke the stalemate, dark, expressive eyes full of emotion Bill would have felt sympathy for a day ago. Now, he simply felt a twist of anger at the obvious manipulation.

"Where is the Cylon Fleet?" he finally asked.

Tyrol's eyes clouded for a second, before he shook his head and shrugged. "I don't know."

"What do they want with you and Anders? What is your purpose here?"

Another sigh, another shrug. "I don't know."

"What do they want with Kara? Where were you taking her?"

"You'll have to ask Anders that one." Tyrol leaned against the hatch, cradling the receiver between his shoulder and his cheek. "I had no idea he would try and take her."

Adama clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to rail at the other man, fighting the even deeper urge to unlock the cell door and pummel his face beyond recognition. Gripping the phone so tight his knuckles began to ache, he finally managed, "Tell me why."

Galen straightened, but didn't answer. For a long minute, there was only silence. Again, Adama marveled at the expressiveness on the other's face. He looked closely for the glint of metal, the hint of red in the eyes or the cold detachment of a machine, but it wasn't there.

Finally, Tyrol swallowed hard and shook his head once. "I can't, sir."

Despite everything, Adama believed him. Maybe he was simply being played for a fool once again, but something deep in Adama's gut told him Galen was just a much a pawn in this mess as he was. The realization didn't make him any less angry, didn't make him sympathetic either. It did make him want to hit things. Repeatedly; until his knuckles bled.

Taking a step closer to the glass, Adam was almost nose-to-nose with the man that only a day before he would have said he trusted more than just about anyone on his ship; Tigh, Lee, Kara and Galen, that was the list. Now, like Kara's psyche and his son's heart, that trust was broken.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't show you to an air lock?" he worked hard to keep his voice controlled, but he heard a slight tremor signaling the anger he couldn't hold back.

Tyrol didn't offer any pleas for mercy or beg forgiveness. He simply shook his head one more time and said simply, "I can't," before replacing the receiver and turning away.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee awoke to the steady sound of knocking against his hatch. As he blinked his eyes open, he took a quick inventory and had to do a doubletake as he registered the blonde head of hair and the woman it was attached to, curled into his side, arms wrapped tight around him as she slept.

With a soft sigh, he stifled a smile. Despite the horror of the past days, he hadn't imagined Kara being here, Kara leaning on him, trusting him, needing him. He hadn't imagined their kiss of an hour or so ago, hadn't imagined the way Kara had melted into him or the soft noises she'd made in response to his touch.

The knocking began again and as much as Lee wanted to stay in his warm bunk with a soft, pliant Kara in his arms, he didn't want to wake her. Shifting, he slowly eased his way out from under her, making sure she was covered and resting peacefully before heading for the hatch.

Spinning it open, he began, "This had better be—"

He stopped abruptly when he realized it was his father. "Dad."

"How is she, son?"

Lee gestured his dad inside, before closing the hatch. "Resting," he answered finally, keeping his voice to a whisper. The two men huddled as far away from Kara as possible so as not to disturb her. "I managed to get her to eat something too."

"Good, that's good." The Old Man's eyes were focused on Kara, but his mind was somewhere else. Lee took a good look at him for a moment, noting the more pronounced slump to his shoulders, the look of utter fatigue on his face, in his posture. Even more than before, he looked old.

"Dad, are you okay?"

"Hmm?" He finally looked at Lee, a spark of presence finally showing in his gaze, but he still looked far too dejected, far too sad. "Yes, fine. I just came from seeing Tyrol."

"And?" Lee's stomach twisted tightly at the mention of the man's name; he was even more grateful he hadn't had anything to eat with Kara a few hours ago.

"He has the same story as Anders. Didn't know he was a Cylon, doesn't know what they want or where they are."

The fact that his father was not planning their execution by airlock told Lee all he needed to know. "You believe him."

Surprisingly, the realization didn't make him angry. Without even having talked to either man, Lee believed them too. He had no basis for such a belief, but there it was, all the same.

Before Adama could agree, the soft murmur of Kara waking reached them. Lee's body immediately tensed, waiting for the cry of distress, but in a moment, she simply sighed again, murmuring something under her breath and appeared to settle. Lee released a breath of relief.

"Have you talked to her about Anders?" his father finally asked after a few minutes of absolute quiet.

Lee felt his jaw tighten. "No. And I won't, I already told you that." Lee had a few more choice opinions on the matter, but his father cut him off.

"We need to know why he did what he did, Lee. He might be willing to actually admit it to Kara. We need to know why he was taking her to Leoben."

"No."

Kara's response startled them both. Lee moved toward her on instinct, reaching out a hand to reassure her. The closer he got the more agitated she became. "You're not taking me back there."

"No, Kara, I'm not." Lee stopped his forward momentum, keeping his arms at his sides, forcing his body to be still. "Do you know who I am?"

She didn't answer the question. "I can't go back there. You can't take me back there."

This time the statement was directed at Adama who was now standing just past Lee's shoulder. "I won't, Kara. I promise."

"You want them to have me," she accused, standing slowly. Lee and his father both tensed. Lee knew she wasn't fully cognizant, could tell that she was trapped somewhere between waking and sleeping where the nightmare of her captivity was still real. "You want me gone."

"No, Kara, I don't." His father's voice cracked on the last word, but Lee refused to take his eyes off Kara. He tried taking a step closer again, but she flinched back, face still clouded with confusion.

"Kara—"

"No!" She flew into a rage, flinging herself across the room and at Adama, hands and fingers shaped into claws as she attempted to tear him limb from limb. His dad was able to throw an arm up to protect his face before she descended, but Kara just kept coming.

Lee took two strides and was at her back, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her bodily away from the Old Man. She was kicking and screaming, angry tears coating her cheeks and wetting her hair as she shouted incoherently.

"Kara, calm down." Lee spoke in a firm tone, but didn't raise his voice to be heard over her. "Kara. Listen to me."

Quicker than any other time they'd had such an incident, Kara seemed to recognize his voice. Her body relaxed against him completely as she inhaled a sharp breath, finally waking up. Turning slightly in his arms, she met his gaze. "Lee. What happened?"

"Are you all right?"

She nodded, still obviously confused. "I thought … I thought I heard Sam talking about Leoben again. I thought—"

Lee wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "No, Kara. Sam's not here. No one's taking you to Leoben."

She sighed heavily and then fully relaxed against him, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, forehead pressed into his neck. Lee returned the embrace, catching sight of his father over Kara's shoulder. With a look of utter desolation, the Old Man simply turned and left.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Coming Back – 9/?

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2. It's AU.

Summary: Now that the Chief and Sam know they are Cylons, whose side will they be on? And what exactly are Roslin and Adama going to do to protect the Fleet?

A/N: Hi friends! Here is the next chapter. I think this story will finish itself pretty well, it's really just finding time to write it. This chapter is a little more plot-heavy than the others, but I realized that if this story was really going to have a satisfying ending, I had to commit to telling the whole story, not just the Lee/Kara bits.

I hope you enjoy this! Make sure to let me know in the comments!

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Chapter 9

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Saul Tigh had had his share of hallucinations. Drink enough of any type of alcohol and your mind will play tricks on you. After New Caprica, it had only gotten worse. Phantom figures that always seemed just out of his line of sight, shadows that disappeared the moment he turned to look them full-on. With his peripheral vision shot to hell, he assumed it was just something else he'd have to adjust to now, on top of the way the patch dug into the skin above his cheekbone or the tightness of the strap giving him a headache every other day.

But he'd never heard things before. Not voices or noises, nothing. And now he was hearing a full-out frakking song.

Saul lay on the couch in his quarters, one arm thrown carelessly across his face, while the other hung over the edge of the couch, knuckles almost touching the floor. Somewhere down there was an empty bottle of the Chief's rotgut moonshine, and broken pieces of another that Saul had hurled at a nearby wall in hopes of drowning out the melody.

It hadn't worked. And despite the fact that his brain was currently soaking in a few inches of alcohol, he was unable to pass out, unable to disappear into the oblivion of a drunken sleep and wake up in ten hours when this was all over.

Saul sighed heavily as his stomach tipped to one side, reminding his bladder it was full. Slowly, he sat up, even as every inch off the cushions brought a stabbing pain to his head, right behind his eyes. Once he was fully seated, he opened his eye and waited for the room to right itself. Only then did he attempt to stand.

He missed Ellen. This was the thought that followed him to the head. He missed his wife. Despite her traitorous final act and her inappropriate groping of men that weren't him, Saul had loved her. She'd been sexy as hell and fun and could drink him under the table. He had often wondered, especially early in their relationship, what an attractive woman like Ellen would want with a sloppy drunk like him.

As he zipped up his pants, he considered that maybe it was his drunken confusion she had liked the most. Certainly made it easy for her to sneak around on him. Gods knew, she had never been faithful.

Leaning heavily on the edge of the sink, Saul didn't bother looking in the mirror. He wouldn't like or recognize the man staring back at him. At least with Ellen around he'd always known who he was, before New Caprica he'd had some semblance of a purpose. Now, even though Bill had reinstated his commission, it didn't feel like it had before. Saul felt as if the entire fleet were simply waiting for the other shoe to drop, holding their breath and walking on tiptoe until whatever other catastrophe was going to befall them came along.

And he could still hear that frakkin' song. Whirling, he almost pitched to the floor, but kept himself upright with a tight grip on the sink. Eye searching the room, he looked for the telltale sign of a feed. The ship-wide speaker was silent, he'd already dismantled that a day or so ago when the song had first started echoing in his head. Saul had thought he'd already explored every seam and rivet in the room, looking for the place that had been tampered with by some enemy who seemed intent on driving him insane.

Stalking unsteadily across the room, he went to his footlocker and yanked the door open, reaching inside for another bottle of the chief's gin. Brushing his fingers against the back of the shelf, he glanced across something that felt out of place. Quickly emptying the shelf, Saul pressed on the metal at the back of the locker, finding it gave way easily, popping out with a soft snap, revealing a compartment. Little light could make it that far into the small space, but he reached back as far as he could, pressing his cheek against the metal. Finally, his fingers snagged the soft bundle at the back and he pulled it forward.

It was a letter. Saul was immediately disappointed—he had hoped to find a battery-operated radio back there playing that song. But revealing the secret space hadn't stopped the tune. If possible, it was louder now. Sitting down again, he studied the worn envelope. Ellen's loopy script spelling out his name was inked across the front. Praying for a distraction that would stop that frakking music, Saul opened the envelope carefully, unfolding the paper inside with a bit of reverence.

He had no idea what would have been so important or so damning that Ellen would have felt the only way to get him the information was to leave him a letter that he had about a ten percent chance of finding. Maybe she had intended to give it to him when she was alive. Maybe she just hadn't found the right time.

Regardless of her motives, he had the letter now, the secret was out.

_My darling Saul,_

_I never knew quite how to share this with you, but I had hoped one day I could. However, by you finding this letter, hidden as it was, I realize that I am probably gone. And you are probably hearing the music._

He paused, a strange lump clogging his throat. How could she possibly-? He kept reading.

_If you are hearing the song, then the others are as well. Tyrol, Anders, Tory. The song is your cue, you are being activated. _

His nausea returned as the odd syntax Ellen had chosen started to make a sick kind of sense.

_You, Saul, are a Cylon. Just as they are, just as I am. We are the Final Five._

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"Madame President."

Adama held the door open, allowing Laura to enter the room. She dismissed her guard, allowing them to wait outside, giving the two of them some privacy. Bill was grateful.

"Admiral."

She was walking slowly again, looking as unsteady as she had during her last bout with the cancer. Reaching the nearest couch, she sat down slowly. Bill watched her closely, noting the wince that the movement caused.

"Are you ill, Madame President?"

Apparently, rolling her eyes didn't tax her in the least. "Bill, please. We're alone, call me Laura. And I'm not sick, not in the way you mean." She closed her eyes briefly, releasing a heavy sigh. "But I haven't been sleeping well."

Adama could sympathize. "Can I get you something?"

"A glass of water would be lovely."

Bill moved toward the side bar, pouring a glass for her and himself before returning to the sofa. Taking a seat beside her, he initiated a small clink of their glasses before they both took a drink. A comfortable, familiar silence filled the space between them. Bill was hesitant to brook any conversation; he couldn't think of topic that wouldn't cause either of them pain, anger or despair.

"How is Captain Thrace?" she asked finally.

"I want to say better, but it would be a lie. She's with Lee, so that's something. But otherwise …" The image of Kara, frightened and trembling from a few hours ago would not leave him be. He couldn't even close his eyes without seeing the absolute terror in her face as she'd attacked him.

"And how is Lee?"

Bill smiled softly, sitting back into the cushions. "Worried, concerned, lovesick."

Laura chuckled once at the last description. "I wondered when you'd finally see that."

"I think maybe I always knew, I just chose to ignore it."

"Why? Because of your other son, Zak?"

The immediate answer of 'no' almost escaped, but Bill held it back, giving himself a moment to really form an answer. It was a question he had asked himself numerous times during the exodus, when Lee's mood telegraphed just how much leaving Kara behind had cost him, and over the last few months as he'd watched the two of them slowly bob and weave their way back toward each other.

"I think part of it had to do with Zak. I never had the chance to see Kara and him together. The first time I met her was the day before his funeral." The old memory didn't cause the normal gut-wrenching grief. He wondered if that was a form of progress or simply a sign that he was emotionally spent. "When I saw Kara and Lee interact that day, well, I wouldn't realize it until last year, but they had obviously had some kind of blow-up before the ceremony. Their behavior was so reminiscent of the few days following the groundbreaking."

Roslin hummed softly. "Yes. That was quite the night for everyone apparently."

Bill was far too old to blush, but he had the courtesy to take a well-timed drink. Laura didn't call him on it.

"These past few months, the past few days, I've realized how much I was ignoring. And how much they've both been hurting."

"They need each other, Bill." This time, he did meet her gaze, once again amazed at the level of empathy she conveyed. "I never believed in soul mates until I saw your son and Captain Thrace interact. I never truly believed it was possible for two people to complete each other. But what Lee and Kara have … not only is it rare, it's incredibly precious."

"Then why do they hurt each other?" Bill's discomfort at discussing the love life of his son and ersatz daughter was quickly displaced by his curiosity. "Laura, that morning after the groundbreaking, when Lee saw Kara and Anders … I've never seen him look so devastated. Never. And when she got back from the surface, not even when Zak died was she so bereft. I agree with you, they are two halves of the same whole, but I'm not convinced that coming together won't cause them to combust."

Laura's touch against his thigh was gentle. He offered her a small smile, before covering her hand with his and squeezing lightly. "Bill, I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. I don't believe your son and Kara were ready for a fully committed relationship all of those months ago. I think they both needed to experience a few other things before they could realize just what they had and how special it is."

"And you think they're ready now?"

She nodded, another smile tweaking the edges of her mouth. "I do."

"Even now? After Anders?"

The light in Laura's eyes disappeared. "Even now," she said quietly, her gaze falling back to her lap as she took her hand back, clasping them both in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Laura. I didn't mean to upset you."

She waved it off, but he knew the damage was done. "It's all right, Bill. We do need to discuss what we're going to do next."

He sighed. "I know, but I was kind of hoping it would all go away if I ignored it long enough."

She smiled ruefully. "We don't get the luxury of sticking our heads in the sand until the storm passes."

"Have you spoken with the Chief or Anders yet?"

Roslin shook her head. "No. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I'm ready to." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and then added, "I just came from seeing Tory's body."

"I'm sorry, Laura."

"The time for sympathy is over, Bill. Now is the time to understand why and how. Why are they being triggered now? How is it happening?"

All good questions Adama had no answer for. "Neither Tyrol or Anders have any idea. They say it started with them hearing a song."

"A song?"

He nodded. "Yes. Anders doesn't remember much between hearing the song and kidnapping Kara. It was only after he woke up in Life Station that he realized something was truly wrong."

"And the Chief?"

"Pretty much the same. He insists he didn't know. Insists he never had any intention of harming anyone, but … Trust is a luxury we no longer have."

Roslin kept her silence for a moment and Bill drained his glass. He wanted another drink, but the effort of getting up and crossing the room to get it seemed too great right now. "But you do believe them? That they didn't know until recently?"

"I can't explain why, but yes, I do."

"I do, too. Does it strike you as odd that the three of the final five we know about were all huge supporters and organizers of the resistance movement on New Caprica?"

Bill paused. He had never framed it that way before. "I guess I never realized … what do you think that means?"

"I don't know. It could mean nothing, it could mean it's just another way for the Cylons to frak with us. It could be the reason why our efforts were successful."

"How so?"

"Maybe without even realizing it they were helping us stay one step ahead of the others. Maybe they knew, subconsciously, what moves we should make."

Something about that conclusion didn't sit well with Bill, but he still gave himself time to consider it. Just when he was ready to counter with a different idea, knocking began on his hatch.

"Enter!"

The door opened and closed revealing his XO looking highly agitated and, if the flush to his cheeks was any indication, highly drunk as well. "Saul?"

"Bill, I-Oh, hello Madame President."

"Saul." She gave him a quick once over, but didn't comment on his disheveled appearance or the stink of alcohol Bill could now smell as he approached them.

"What is it, Saul?"

Tigh pulled his eye away from Laura, swallowing visibly as he again met his friend's gaze. Bill noticed now that it was more than just unsteadiness causing his friend to shake a bit, there was fear in his features as well.

He swallowed a few more times before finally managing, "Bill, we need to talk. I have something important to tell you."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara had managed to get a few more hours of sleep, and when she awoke again, it was a gentle return to consciousness, no night terrors or frightening images chasing her out of her slumber. Lee was exceedingly grateful.

She was showering now, dismissing his offer of help with a sharp punch to his upper arm and a sarcastic remark about his ulterior motives. Lee blushed, but didn't dispute her assumption that part of his motive was to see her naked; not when it was partly true.

He was trying to catch up on his paperwork, but his concentration was severely lacking. Aside from the fact that only a door separated him from a wet and naked Kara Thrace, Lee couldn't stop the instant replay in his mind of the past few days. Every time Kara woke up, confused and afraid, every time she spoke Leoben's name or the fear in her eyes when he'd found her in that supply closet. The way she had felt under his hands and mouth when they had kissed. The way his body had responded to her, the way his heart finally felt whole again after holding her while she slept.

The water shut off, signaling Lee that it was time to get his thoughts under control and his focus back. He wasn't exactly sure what his next move should be, but he knew Kara's recovery had barely begun. There was more work for both of them to do.

A knock on his hatch stymied that line of thinking. Assuming his father was back to check on them, Lee hurried to the door and opened it, hoping to reassure him and then send him on his way. He and Kara needed some more time alone to work through this.

But it wasn't his father. "Lee, hi." It was Julia, standing with a hesitant expression on her face and Kacey on her hip. In contrast to the last time he'd seem them both, both girls looked well-rested and happy.

"Julia, hello. How are you?"

"Better, thank you. And Kacey has made a full recovery."

The little girl perked up at hearing her name, lifting her head from her mother's shoulder and fixing Lee with a toothy grin. He couldn't help smiling back.

"We actually wanted to check in on Kara."

"Kawa, Kawa." Kacey's chant tugged at Lee's heart for inexplicable reasons, but he ushered them both inside.

"Yes, of course. She's actually doing better. Although still not one hundred percent."

Julia frowned, apparently ready to say something else when Kara emerging from the bathroom interrupted them. "Adama, how in the frak did you get actual lotion?"

"Fwak."

Lee's went wide, but it was nothing compared to the look of pure surprise on Kara's face as she came around the corner, taking in the sight of Kacey and Julia.

"Kawa, Kawa."

The little girl raised chubby arms in Kara's direction the moment the two girls could see each other. Kara paused for a second and Lee watched her closely, looking for any sign that this little visit might be too much for her. But in a second, she was across the room, lifting Kacey from her mother's lap, despite the pain it must have caused.

Lee rose quickly and stood to her side, hand hovering against the small of her back. "Kara, are you sure you're okay to hold her?"

She didn't glare at him or offer some flip remark. Instead, she met his gaze over Kacey's blonde head and actually smiled. "Yeah, Lee, I'm good."

Julia spoke next, reminding them both that they had a guest. "I don't mean to barge in, but Kacey's been asking about Kara for a day or so, and we just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm better," Kara told her, rubbing a light hand over Kacey's back as the little girl pulled Kara's dogtags out from under her tanks and started jingling them while singing a nonsense song. "I'm a lot better, actually." 

Lee was fairly certain Kacey's arrival was the cause of the smile on her face and the light in her eyes, but he would take it.

"Can you stay for a bit?" Kara asked, sitting in the closest armchair and adjusting Kacey on her lap. The little girl was still babbling nonsense, which Lee found decidedly adorable.

"Absolutely," Julia assured her with a smile resuming her seat. "It's so good to see you up and about, Kara."

Starbuck simply smiled shyly, dipping her head and coming face to face with Kacey. "Kawa better?"

"Yup, honey. I'm all better. Just like you," she added, giving the toddler a gentle tickle in the belly, eliciting a loud giggle that brought a smile to everyone present.

This started a few minutes of a tickle war with Lee and Julia as spectators. Lee didn't care. Watching Kara with that little girl in light of what he now knew was like a gift from the Gods. Seeing Kara that open, knowing what it cost her to accept this child as her own, what she had sacrificed as a result, was simply another reason why he loved her.

As minutes passed and it became obvious that Kara and Kacey spoke a language he couldn't possibly understand, Lee rose. "I'm actually going to run an errand, if you'll excuse me."

Julia nodded. He looked to Kara. "Will you be okay for a while? I'll be back in an hour, tops."

She smiled again, fingering one of the errant curls on Kacey's head. "I'll be fine, Lee. Go on."

"Hee?"

Kacey's question surprised all of them. Kara indulged the girl with a smile, before nodding and pointing a finger at him. "That's right, little Kacey, that's Lee."

Kacey turned in Kara's lap, wide eyes taking him in, pinning him in place. And then the girl grinned wide before clapping her hands and starting another chant, "Hee, Hee!"

Lee found himself smiling for a long time after he'd left the room.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

They hadn't spoken since Saul had been taken to the brig by an armed guard. Adama had simply told them that the XO was to be confined with Chief Tyrol and that should anyone have a question, they could report directly to him. The marines hadn't even blinked.

Roslin seemed to be suffering from as much shock as Bill. She had kept her silence once Saul had revealed his secret, only intervening when it appeared the two old friends might come to blows. At the time, Bill had been beyond angry, but he could see now how much worse things might look if his XO turned up in the brig with a black eye and a broken jaw.

"Bill? Say something."

He sat behind his desk, chin dropped to his chest, hands covering his face trying to order his thoughts. Trying to think about anything other than the ultimate betrayal by his oldest friend. So far, he'd been unsuccessful.

"What do you want to do?" Laura's question was soft, but insistent and Bill knew he should answer her. He simply had no idea what to say.

"I have no idea, Laura. I truly don't."

He finally met her gaze, her eyes telegraphing her sympathy. He knew that out of anyone on board, the president would have the best idea of what he was feeling right now. She had gone through the same thing not more than twelve hours ago with her assistant.

He watched as she rose, crossing the room with a measured step. He expected her to take a seat across the desk, but instead, she rounded the corner, leaning against the side, and placing a warm hand on his shoulder. As she gave it a squeeze, she told him, "I know how hard this is, Bill. But it appears the situation is far worse than we originally imagined. I fear the Cylons might actually be working on a plan to infiltrate the fleet again."

He shared her fear. Nodding once, he reached up, giving her hand a gentle pat, before rising and straightening his suit jacket. "You're right, of course. I think it's time we got some more answers."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

He found that a day of distance hadn't lessened his anger. In fact, Lee had almost turned around the moment he'd entered Life Station, worried that he'd face brig time if someone happened upon him beating Anders' face into a bloody pulp. But he forced himself to stay, forced himself to take a deep breath and walk to Anders' curtain, pulling it aside and entering the space.

Anders was awake. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, there were no outward signs that he was anything other than Sam Anders, former captain of the Caprica Buccaneers, Kara's husband, and well, human. The right side of his face was still swollen, but the bruise around his eye had faded from black to purple. His shoulder was wrapped and padded with extra gauze, protecting the bullet hole Lee had graced him with.

The minute he heard Lee's approach, Sam's head popped up, sharp blue eyes taking in his visitor quickly, before he fell back against his pillow in silence.

Lee took a breath. He'd expected Anders to say something, at the very least plead his innocence. Wisely, he'd kept quiet.

"Why?"

Anders' eyes slanted to the side, taking in Lee again, before resuming their perusal of the ceiling. "I don't know."

Lee bit back a flash of anger. Slowly approaching the man's bedside, he stood at his head, making sure he was in his line of sight, before saying, "Not good enough. Why?"

This time Sam sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he answered. "Why what, Apollo? Why am I cylon? Why didn't I know? Why did I try to kidnap Kara?"

"Why did you marry her in the first place?" Lee asked instead, not surprised when the question got a puzzled look from Sam.

"Because I love her." He spoke as though Lee were a five-year-old who hadn't quite grasped the concept of logic. "Why else would I have done it?"

"So, it wasn't to frak with her head? It wasn't to serve her up on a platter to Leoben?" Lee didn't believe Anders' feigned innocence.

"What are you talking about?"

Lee felt a sick spike of pride that Kara hadn't confided in Anders the way she had in him. "On New Caprica. That place where you found, Kara? Leoben was holding her there. Trying to play house. He told her Kacey was hers." Leaning forward, Lee placed his fists at the edge of Anders' pillow. "So, you mean to tell me this wasn't part of your plan? Marry Kara and then turn her over to your brothers?"

Something suspiciously similar to horror crossed Anders' features. "I had no idea, Apollo, I swear. I had no idea where she was those four months. I certainly didn't let her get taken."

"No, you were just conveniently sick, in and out of consciousness. And then you miraculously recovered." Lee realized the accusation bordered on ridiculous, but he could only see evil intent when he looked at Sam.

"Believe what you want, Apollo, but I was sick on the surface, you can ask Cottle. And no one quite knows how I got better, but I did." He swallowed, taking a breath before adding, "And I would have gladly giving myself up, let them take me instead, if it would have kept Kara safe. But the Cylons didn't give us a whole bunch of choices."

Pushing off the bed, Lee took a few steps back in frustration. Despite his very deep desire to blame Anders for everything involving Kara and her current emotional state, he didn't sense any sinister intent from her husband. It was infuriating; he was running out of people to blame.

"At least I didn't abandon her at the first opportunity."

The accusation hit Lee right between the eyes and he inhaled a sharp breath. "What?"

"Kara told me what happened. She was on the comm with you that day, when the Cylons showed up. And in minutes you and the rest of the fleet jumped away. You left us there. You left us there knowing what we were facing. And you didn't give a damn."

"We left so we could return and get you all back!" Lee's voice sounded loud in the quiet space. He forced himself to breathe evenly, forced himself to get his emotions back under control. But his fists were still clenched at his sides, fingernails pressing so hard into his palm he knew he'd have marks in his skin. "If we'd stayed, we would have been destroyed. You may not understand much about the military, but I have to believe you can do simple math."

"I'm not talking about everyone else, Apollo." The disgust in Anders' tone might have been offensive if it had been coming from anyone else. "I'm talking about Kara. You left her behind. How is that betrayal any worse than what I did?"

"How can you even compare the two?" Lee demanded. "You lied to her. She's been beating herself up thinking she must have missed something, some clue that you were a machine. She's disgusted with herself, knowing she slept with the enemy."

"I never lied to Kara," Anders said adamantly, the conviction of his statement obvious in the set of his jaw. "I never did anything but love her as best as I could." He hesitated for just a moment and Lee tensed unconsciously. Then, he added, "Can you say the same?"

The urge to hit Anders came back tenfold, but even as Lee felt the anger work its way up his gut, he felt another familiar feeling accompany it—shame. Anders had proven he couldn't be trusted, that he was indeed the enemy, but it didn't mean he might have a point.

"You don't … you don't know what you're talking about," Lee defended lamely, even as the thought of that night on New Caprica flashed through his mind. Of course, the blush of the memory was followed closely by the ultimate despair of the next morning, when Kara had left his side to marry _him_.

"I know enough, Apollo. I know she ended up married to me."

Lee took a breath. He felt a thousand excuses rushing to the forefront, a thousand retorts that all ended with him telling Anders to mind his own frakkin' business. No one understood Lee's relationship with Kara; he didn't understand it most days. He wasn't going to give the cylon the satisfaction of knowing he'd actually made Lee doubt himself. The truth was, he had hurt Kara—they had hurt each other—numerous times. Up until about three days ago, it seemed to be the only thing they were truly capable of sharing—the ability to destroy the other with a word, a look, a well-placed pop to the jaw.

"I don't have to explain my relationship with Kara to you. We've been through more together than you could ever comprehend," Lee told him, his voice low. He approached the bed again, making sure to catch Anders' eyes. "I'll admit, I made mistakes. Kara and I both did. But you know what, even when things were really bad, when we could barely stand the sight of one another, Kara knew I'd have her back. And I knew she'd have mine."

Leaning forward and dropping his voice to a whisper, he added, "And I can promise you, pneumonia or not, I would have died a thousand times on that planet if it meant keeping Kara from that psychopath."

"She didn't give you the chance, Apollo." Lee had to admit, Anders willingness to bait him was admirable, if stupid. "She ran away from you the second she could."

Lee snorted, fighting down the bile rising in his throat. It was the truth, and from an outside observer, like Anders, it did look like Lee and Kara did everything but care for one another. "She might have married you and she might have marked you," Lee said, motioning to the tattoo still emblazoned on Anders' arm. "But Kara and I together are so much more than you will ever be."

With that, he turned to go, unwilling to give Sam the satisfaction of watching him shake. The minute he was beyond the curtain, Lee headed for the nearest bathroom, managing to lock himself inside a stall before emptying the contents of his stomach.

He knew he needed to eat, which was probably contributing a bit to his upset stomach, but more than that, Anders' words had made an impression. He couldn't deny that he had made some monumental mistakes where Kara was concerned. And he would never deny that she had hurt him. And, in a deep, dark place he didn't like to go, he could admit to a voracious fear that once Kara was feeling better, once she again felt like herself, she would realize all the many ways Lee had failed her and leave him alone once again.

He would fight her, fight her until he had no fight left. Lee knew now, had seen over the past few months and even more over the past few days that the most important thing he could do for Kara was stick it out. He had run too many times, he had allowed his pride and her brash persona to act as a deterrent to something lasting and good between them.

But Lee had seen Kara now, seen deeper into her soul even than on the night under the stars. And Lee had the faith now, in Kara, in himself, to know that they belonged together. So, she could push and fight and kick all she wanted, but Lee wasn't going to let past mistakes and past hurts keep them apart any longer. It was time they stopped hurting each other, he had told her that just a few hours ago. They both had to remember that.

Lee was willing now, more than ever before, to remind her should she forget. And he believed now, with all that he was, that they belonged together. He wasn't going to falter again.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Coming Back – 10/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2. AU after that.

Summary: Now that Saul's identity has been revealed, Adama needs to make a decision about the final five. And while Kara rediscovers her relationship with Kacey, a troubling thought sends her looking for answers.

A/N: I hope all who celebrate it had a great Thanksgiving. I gotta admit, I'm pretty happy with where this story is heading, so I hope you all are too. Enjoy this new chapter. I'll post more during the week or next weekend. I am doing my best to keep my "once a week" promise.

Remember to comment/review. It really is the best motivation!

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

It was amazing what a few pencils and paper could do. Kara had ferretted out the wayward supplies from Lee's desk after Kacey tired of Kara's dogtags. Worried they would leave, Kara had searched quickly for something else to keep the child occupied. Remembering the few hours one day on the surface when Leoben had left behind art supplies had served as inspiration for their current activity.

Julia appeared content to sit on the sidelines, watching Kara and Kacey in a somewhat reserved silence. It had made Kara tense at first, this casual observation by the child's rightful mother, but as soon as Kacey had started drawing, chattering away about the different blobs she was embellishing the paper with, Kara forgot all about Julia, Leoben, Sam, even Lee. Her entire world narrowed down to this one little girl.

Of course, Kara had no idea what would happen when Julia and Kacey left. She was uncertain if their impromptu visit would make their parting better or intolerable.

"Kawa." The soft pat of a hand to her arm brought Kara's attention back to the room. Glancing over, she caught sight of Kacey, sitting up on her knees, a puzzled expression creasing her two-year-old face. Leaning over, Kara brushed the child's curls behind one ear and asked, "What is it, baby?"

"Hear-wah." Kacey proudly held out the picture she had recently finished, beaming with obvious pride.

Kara put down her own pencil and sat up straighter on her knees, to take the image. Unfortunately, the sight of a circle, an oval and two triangles all joined together didn't give Kara a clue as to what she was looking at. Not that it mattered.

"Is this for me?" Kacey nodded vigorously, still smiling. Kara returned the grin. "Thank you. It's beautiful. I'll be sure to hang it up."

"Auwawa."

Pausing, Kara felt an inexplicable chill skitter down her back. "What?"

Kacey pointed at the drawing, and then smiled at Kara again and repeated "Auwawa. Kawa an' Auwawa."

Glancing back to the picture, Kara began to see the resemblance. She supposed that the circle and oval could be considered a head and body, while the triangles were crude wings, making it similar to the small statue Kacey had handed her in that odd dream she'd had a day ago. Just like before the correlation the child was drawing between her and Aurora, Goddess of the Dawn, left Kara with a sour stomach and a strong desire to bolt.

"Kara?" Julia's voice startled Kara from her daydreaming. There was something to this strange feeling, this strange vision she got every time she thought of Aurora, a swirling, yellow, red and blue vortex that occupied her mind, calling to her silently. It frightened her.

"Are you all right?"

She swallowed certain she could answer the woman and assure her she was fine. But when she tried, no words came out. The other woman's puzzled expression turned into a frown and just as she opened her mouth to ask again, the hatch opened, signaling Lee's return.

"Hi everyone." Lee's voice was light and untroubled, a direct contrast to the funnel of doubt currently clouding Kara's mind. She glanced up at him as he approached, leaning down to press a kiss to her hair. The gesture was so natural, so expected Kara barely thought anything of it.

"Hee, Hee." Kacey bounced on her heels at Lee's approach and as soon as he was close enough reached her arms up. Lee paused for a second looking first to Julia who nodded and then to Kara.

She could see the question in his eyes, coupled with a healthy dose of fear; she knew Lee had never really been comfortable around children, which had never made any sense to her since he'd practically raised Zak from the age of three. Regardless of his discomfort, she knew Kacey would cure him of that really quick, just as she had for Kara. She nodded slightly and then Lee was swinging Kacey up into his arms, bringing her up into a high arc that caused the girl to squeal and giggle, making Lee laugh as well.

Kara closed her eyes to the warm sound, doing her best to absorb it into every pore, every cell of her body. It was the happiest sound she had heard from Lee in a while, completely unguarded and open. It pulled at her heart in a way she didn't fully understand, but she liked it. She wondered if it was the same for Lee, when he saw her with Kacey.

"Did you have fun with Kara?" Lee asked the little girl who had already uncovered Lee's dogtags and was jingling them just as she had Kara's an hour ago.

"We draw," Kacey reported, holding the chain in one hand so she could point to the papers at their feet. "See?"

"I do see," Lee answered. "Do you want to show me what you drew?"

Kacey nodded and then wiggled, signaling she needed to be put down and Lee obliged easily. As the little girl collected her drawings to her, Lee took a seat beside Kara, placing an arm around her back. She immediately leaned into him, barely even considering how it might appear to Julia. How she might look weak or needy or lovesick by relying on him. Aside from the fact that she doubted Julia would think any of those things, Kara found she didn't really care if anyone did. She was starting to care less and less actually about other people's perceptions. She wasn't going to ignore her instincts anymore, not with Lee. Ignoring them had never worked for the two of them before.

Kacey started rattling off her drawings, a house, a tree, a flower and Lee listened intently, noting the child's artistic acumen dutifully. He looked to Kara when the child paused to take a breath, brows knitted together. "Everything okay?" he asked under his breath, the arm around her waist tightening imperceptibly.

She nodded, finding it wasn't that hard to give him a smile as well. "Yeah, I'm good. Sorry we drew on your old schedules." She ducked her head, expecting at least a slight chiding from him.

Instead, he laughed again and it was just as carefree as it had been with Kacey. "They've never looked better," he told her, pressing a kiss to the skin just above her ear. Kara released a sigh and turned into him even more, watching as Kacey sifted through the rest of her drawings.

She didn't even think of trying to stop the girl before she got to the last one. "This Kawa and Auwawa," the girl told Lee proudly, holding up the final drawing she had given to Kara.

Puzzled, Lee looked to Kara before turning to Julia. "Auwawa?" he asked, obviously not well-versed in two-year-old.

Julia shrugged. "I'm not sure what she's trying to say exactly. I've never heard her use that word before."

"It's Aurora," Kara explained softly, taking the drawing from the girl and placing it in her lap. "She's saying Aurora."

"Like the goddess?" Lee asked, still puzzled.

"We don't even attend services," Julia answered. Rising, she took a seat beside her daughter. The girl crawled easily into her mother's lap. Kara pretended not to notice. "Where did you hear that word, Kace?"

The girl shrugged, shoulders reaching her ears. "Dunno. For Kawa."

Kara swallowed hard, still uncertain why a child's drawing should bother her so. Of course, it had nothing to do with Kacey and everything to do with that dream she didn't want to remember.

Rubbing a hand to her forehead, Kara tried to force her thoughts into some type of order, but it was futile. She didn't understand what any of this meant and now, she was simply tired once more.

"I think we should be going," Julia said quietly even as Kacey protested with a whiny, "No."

"Yes, Kacey. It's almost time for your nap and we've taken up enough of Kara's time today."

"It's not a problem," Kara assured her, meeting the woman's gaze intently. "I really don't mind."

Julia smiled. "I know, Kara. But someone needs to take a n-a-p." Julia tilted her head in Kacey's direction. "And I'd like us to get out of here without a complete meltdown."

Kara returned the smile. "Totally understandable."

The phone rang as Julia and Kacey were cleaning up the drawing supplies and Lee answered it, frowning as soon as he hung up the phone.

"Everything okay?" Kara asked.

Lee nodded. "Yeah, it was dad. He wants me to report to the brig."

Kara couldn't help but give him a slight jab. "What'd you do now?"

"Ha, ha." Lee crossed back to her side and pulled her into his arms as if this was something they did every day, as if this was something they hadn't just started doing three days ago. But despite the newness, Kara liked it. "Apparently, there's something new with Anders and Tyrol. Not sure what, but Dad didn't sound good."

Kara frowned. "You should get going then."

He paused, meeting her eyes, before glancing back to Julia and Kacey who were ready to go. "I don't want to leave you here by yourself."

Kara didn't want him to either, but she'd never admit it. "Come on, Adama. I'm a big girl, I think I can handle being alone for an hour." They both knew recent history would severely call that assumption into question.

"I—"

"Actually, you know what? I'll walk Julia and Kacey back to Camp Oil Slick, how about that?"

Turning, Kara glanced to Julia. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all. It'd be nice for us to chat a bit." Kacey was already nodding off in her mother's arms. "I think this one might finally be down for the count."

Kara smiled tightly, trying to shove down the jealousy she felt at watching the sleeping girl with her mother. Besides, there were other reasons she needed to go to that camp. She was using Julia and Kacey as a cover. Given that less than stellar intent, her jealousy felt more than a little hypocritical.

Lee wasn't convinced; Kara could read his skepticism in every line of his body. She chose to ignore it. Leaning up on her tiptoes, she brushed a kiss to his cheek and then joined Julia and Kacey at the door. "I'll see you when you get back from your meeting, okay?"

He nodded, still looking uncertain. "Yeah, okay. If you're sure?"

"Adama, you ask me that one more time and I'll use my fists to show you how sure I am."

It was a familiar threat for the two of them and it brought a smile to Lee's face. Holding up his hands, he acquiesced. "All right, all right. Point taken. I guess we're all heading out then. Shall we?"

Kara nodded, following Julia outside, with Lee close behind. The odd dread she felt at the mention of Aurora was back as she considered what she was about to do. Asking the Oracle was not her first, second or even third choice, but Kara had an odd feeling that the woman would know something.

She was also fairly certain she wouldn't want to know whatever it was.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee hadn't expected this, and considering how unpredictable life had been in the past few months, being blindsided like this was a feat. But he was standing here, staring at Tryol, Anders who had recently been moved from Life Station and Saul Tigh all in the brig. All Cylons. Three of the final five. And if Tight was to be trusted, a fact that was now severely called into question, than Ellen was the last missing piece of the puzzle.

"It is up to you now, Saul. Up to you to convince Bill and the rest of the Fleet that despite the actions of the other eight models, we, the Final Five are not a threat. We are different. In so many ways I can't possibly reiterate them all, but we are. And we mean the Fleet, we mean humanity no harm." Saul spoke his wife's words with a reverence Lee had never heard from him before.

He eyed his father carefully as Tigh finished rereading the letter that spelled everything out. Lee had never quite understood the Old Man's attachment to Saul. He was a fairly sorry excuse for an XO and a sloppy drunk, but something had transpired between his father and this man to make them best friends. Lee had only ever heard bits and pieces of stories from the first Cylon War, from the early days of battle when Tigh and his father had shared a bunkroom. He knew war could forge strange and lasting bonds.

But now, as he watched his father watching Tigh, Lee saw more there than he expected. There was anger and disappointment and betrayal of course, but perhaps what struck Lee harder than anything was the utter sadness shining in his dad's eyes as he gazed on a man he had called friend for over four decades. Lee's hatred for the cylons grew exponentially in that moment; they had already threatened and nearly destroyed the woman he loved and now, in the span of a few hastily written sentences, it appeared they had ruined his father as well.

Silence filled the space, laced with so much tension Lee had to fight to take a deep breath. The three captives glanced to one another uncertainly, before looking back to the three leaders on the other side of the bars. Lee, Roslin and Adama locked gazes as well.

"Do you believe it?" Lee asked, already certain he knew the answer. His father would have escorted Tigh to an airlock hours ago if he thought for a second the man was a true danger to the fleet. Friendship or no, Lee knew his father.

"Despite the evidence, yes." Adama's voice was weary. He glanced to Lee before quickly looking away and meeting the president's gaze instead. Lee felt a tiny of flare of hurt at his father's lack of connection, but stifled it fast. He could only imagine the jumble of emotions and thoughts coursing through his father's mind and heart at this moment. "But I still don't understand how any of this relates to Kara."

"I have no interest in Starbuck," Tigh avowed. "You'll need to ask Anders about that one."

Lee's eyes immediately fell to Kara's husband. Their talk of a few hours before kept him from feeling his normal stab of anger at the mere sight of the man. However, the scene from a few days ago, with Kara strapped to a chair and all but comatose because of Sam's actions brought his rage to the forefront.

"You still haven't provided us with a satisfactory explanation, Mister Anders." The president addressed him coolly, the steel and grit Lee had come to associate with her time in office easily coming through. "Care to try now?"

Something close to despair registered on the man's face before he dipped his head and avoided everyone's gaze. "I can't, Madam President, truly. All I know is that once I heard that frakkin' song, all I could think about was getting to Kara and getting her off this ship."

"To what end?" Lee demanded.

Sam just shrugged.

"Actually, sir, I might have the answer to that."

Tyrol spoke hesitantly, but his words brought everyone's focus to him. Cheeks blushing a deep shade of crimson, he ducked his head and told them, "I think I might have done something to Starbuck's bird."

The statement chilled Lee's blood, a dozen bloody and explosive scenes playing in his mind's eye. Suddenly, his father grounding Starbuck seemed like divine intervention.

"Why didn't you say something before now, Chief?" Lee wasn't sure how his father managed not to scream at the other man, demanding answers.

"Honestly, sir, I didn't know. But the more we've talked, and now with Ellen's letter, I don't know, things just started to get clearer. It's like I get these flashes. At first I thought maybe they were just remnants of a dream or something, but now I can see they're real." He raised deep brown eyes to Lee as he said, "I swear, sir, I never meant her any harm."

"Maybe you didn't but your brethren did," Lee shot back, feeling a spike of anger-fueled adrenaline bursting through his limbs. It forced him to move, pacing an angry path before the cell. "What's wrong with her plane?"

"I—"

Lee spun on his heel and marched to the clear plexiglass, slapping his open fist against it and halting the man's words. "If you say, 'I don't know' one more time, I swear they'll be the last words you ever utter."

"Lee!"

He held his ground despite his father's warning, staring Tyrol down until the other man slinked away from the barrier and fell heavily on the cot across the way. His obvious remorse did nothing to abate Lee's growing rage.

"Lee, why don't you head down to the deck and inspect Kara's bird?" His father rested a heavy hand to his shoulder, squeezing hard enough to bruise. "The president and I will finish up here."

Stifling his initial instinct to tell his father to 'frak off,' Lee shrugged out of his grip and headed for the exit in silence. The more distance he put between himself and the sleeper cylons, the more his anger devolved into panic. Apparently, the cylon's goal to reacquire Kara went beyond an ill-advised kidnapping attempt and four-months of forced domesticity on New Caprica. While he wanted to know what had been done to her bird, Lee feared the knowledge would only lead to more worry and anxiety. He already had an irrational urge to keep Kara locked in quarters until things started making sense again. Lee worried another layer of exposed threat might lead him to smuggling her onto a raptor and jumping the hell away from the fleet.

These thoughts followed him to the deck, where he found her bird easily. A quick perusal of the fuselage and cockpit turned up nothing. Lee shrugged out of his uniform jacket, draping it over a nearby ladder before wheeling over a tool cart laden with the typical maintenance equipment pilots used during shift. He didn't relish the idea of dismantling her Viper by himself. For one thing, one set of eyes meant he could miss something; for another, it would take at least three hours to complete the job, closer to five if he wanted to be thorough and Lee was already missing her. He didn't like the thought of being separated from Kara for that long. Not when she was still so fragile; not when their truce was still so tentative.

"Major?"

Lee turned abruptly at the sound of his rank and was faced with Cally's pale features. The anger he felt toward her husband seemed cruel and out of place when confronted with her forlorn expression and obvious pain at his betrayal. Lee added the destroying of families to his growing list of grievances against the cylons.

"Cally, I—" He knew whatever he might say would be more than inadequate, but Lee felt compelled to offer some type of condolence. He wondered if there was a greeting card somewhere in the ashes of the colonies for such an instance: "So sorry to hear you've been betrayed by person you love. You are in my thoughts and prayers."

"Apollo, if it's all the same to you, I'd really like to not talk about it." Despite her small stature and inherent fragility, there was a core of steel running through Cally that Lee had witnessed a few times and was witnessing once again. And he respected it.

"Of course, Cally." He tried not to feel a twinge of guilt at the flood of relief that accompanied her statement. Gods, but he was a coward.

She nodded sharply before clearing her throat, dropping an indifferent mask over delicate features. "Good, now, sir, is there something I can help you with?"

Lee returned the nod. "We need to do a complete diagnostic on Kara's bird. I'd really appreciate some help."

"Is there something in particular you're looking for?" she asked, stepping up beside Lee and studying the tools he'd gathered.

He let his gaze roam over the ship, his eyes settling on Kara's nameplate just below the canopy. "Something that doesn't belong."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Kara had been to Camp Oil Slick a handful of times following the exodus. Twice she had snuck down to the lower deck in the middle of the night shift, seeking out Kacey and Julia, trying to work up enough courage to approach them, to ask how they were and see if by some miracle she might be able to spend time with the child who had saved her life in the final weeks of her captivity. She had never made it past the door.

Another time she had found refuge in an abandoned storage closet, holed up with a bottle of ambrosia and her sidearm. She had been looking for a place to hide from Sam, knowing he was looking for her, knowing he wanted to spend time with his wife. It had been just a few weeks following the exodus, when Kara still became almost violently ill at the thought of anyone touching her. It had taken her almost a month to even tolerate Sam holding her hand; two months before she had managed to figure out how to frak him without feeling anything.

The last time she'd been down here she'd attended a service. Hoodie pulled up over her head, and all signs of rank hidden or absent, Kara had snuck into the back of the makeshift temple, really just a cordoned off section of the deck with a few rows of benches and a makeshift altar, and listened as the Oracle had recited from the scrolls of Pythia. It had been years since Kara had attended a formal service of any kind, but the prayers came back to her easily and she recited them faithfully with the other believers gathered there. But the Oracle's sermon about destiny and the Gods' plan had sent her hurrying away before the service officially ended. By the time she'd hit the corridor, she'd all but stripped out of her hoodie, sweating heavily as she sprinted across the deck and back up the five flights of stairs. Unable to fathom seeing anyone or trying to explain, Kara had spent the few hours following huddled in a corner of the hangar bay, staring at her bird and wondering how far she could get before anyone noticed.

She stood now outside of the Oracle's tent uncertain. What exactly she had to fear Kara didn't know, but coming here meant something. It meant she was opening herself to the possibility that something more than her own free will was at work in her life. For about the fifth time since she'd said goodbye to Julia and Kacey, Kara wished she'd asked Lee to come along. But just as she had four times prior, Kara dismissed the idea quickly.

He had never had her faith, not in the Gods or the scripture. He had never truly believed that there was a higher power working in the universe, dictating events that affected him or his daily life. Lee had always been a firm believer in the power of choice, not fate. And while he would have come if she'd asked, he wouldn't have listened, wouldn't have opened himself to the possibility that the Oracle might be right. And he wouldn't understand how Kara could either.

Forcing herself to go through with it, Kara pushed aside the heavy canvas flap of the tent and stepped into the dim interior. The heady scent of incense and burning candles overwhelmed her, forcing Kara to stop just a few steps inside and take a steadying breath. It also gave her eyes time to adjust. Sitting a few feet away on a pile of rags was the Oracle, her eyes closed in concentration, a few crystals and totems carefully arranged on the low table before her.

Unwilling to disturb her, Kara considered retreating, but the woman stopped her. "Come in, Kara Thrace. Find the answers you seek."

Despite her faith, it was still creepy when members of the clergy could read minds and/or name names without even setting eyes on a person. Shoving her discomfort aside, Kara knelt onto a pillow placed opposite the Oracle and the small altar. As she came down to the woman's level, she opened her eyes, milky green orbs regarding Kara calmly.

She stared for a handful of minutes, Kara's discomfort growing tenfold as every second passed. This had been such a mistake, she knew that now. She knew that whatever the Oracle said, Kara would take it as gospel, no matter how crazy, damning or frightening it seemed. She wanted to believe she could maintain some semblance of rationality, but Kara knew it wasn't possible, not when it came to this; not when it came to faith.

"You should not be afraid of the truth, Kara Thrace," the Oracle said quietly. Placing her hands palms up on the table before her, she added, "The truth cannot hurt you."

It had been Kara's experience that truth and lies hurt just about the same, but she bit her tongue to keep the sarcastic remark inside.

"Place your palms on top of mine," the Oracle commanded, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes once more.

Kara hesitated for a second before slowly resting her palms atop the Oracle's. The woman's skin was warm and dry, only serving to remind Kara of how clammy and cold her own skin was. No sooner had they touched skin to skin than the other woman hummed softly and murmured, "Aurora."

Jerking back as if shocked, Kara fell back on her butt. "What?" she breathed.

The sage woman appeared not to hear her or simply chose to ignore her. "Aurora, goddess of the dawn and first light. She heralds the arrival of a new day, banishing the darkness, and clearing a path for Apollo to bring the sun."

Kara forced herself to breath evenly, as the woman's eyes opened again to regard her. "Apollo needs Aurora, just as Aurora needs him. One means nothing without the other. Incomplete halves of the same whole. Why would you fear that?"

She tried to answer her, tried to form words around the lump in her throat, but Kara couldn't. The Oracle's all-seeing eyes simply continued to stare, at times appearing to stare into her soul or heart with obvious understanding.

"Ah, you believe you will suffer once more." The Oracle nodded as she uttered the words, as if something was now suddenly clear. Turning, she rummaged through a crate behind her, pulling out three smooth stones and placing them carefully on the table before her. "You fear your instincts. Fear that the uncertainty you feel is rational and justified, fear that you are tempting the gods again and this time, Apollo will burn you beyond repair. Fear that the false one told you truths."

She stared at the stones in silence as Kara struggled to breath, struggled to process her words. Each statement made her heart flutter. They were all true observations, every single one. Kara knew she was not worthy of the love or security she craved from Lee; knew that if Leoben should come for her again his torment was no less than she deserved.

"You fear that your mother was right, in spite of the fact that the only legacy she left you with was fear and pain. Fear that things that are too good to be true really are."

The Oracle lifted the middle stone from the table, pressing it to her forehead, before repeating the sequence with the other two rocks. She hummed something under her breath, words Kara couldn't make out, as she lightly ran her hands over the crystals and stones on the altar. Slowly at first, her fingers traced the lines of each small talisman as she continued to hum, muttering words that could have been Caprican, but could easily have been Tauron or Gemonese. Kara watched fascinated as the woman's movements became sure and sharp and she moved the pieces of ephemera around the table reorganizing them into another pattern.

Sitting forward on her knees again, Kara was trying to decipher meaning from the objects as the Oracle opened her eyes and smiled before casting her own glance downward.

"He is coming for you, Kara Thrace," she said quietly, tone even as if she were relaying the weather. The words caused Kara's heart to stutter in her chest. "But you do not need to fear him. You have all you need here and now. Aurora and Apollo must walk hand in hand to bring light to the day. Light cast into the darkness removes the shadows and burns away the fog. You must embrace the light, Kara Thrace."

She inhaled a sharp breath as the woman's eyes snapped to her face, her expression now hard and deliberate. "Embrace the light or the darkness will consume you. And He will win."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG**


	11. Chapter 11

Title: **Coming Back, Ch. 11/?**

Pairing: Kara/Lee

Rating: R

Spoilers: Everything up to and including S3 Exodus, Pt. 2

Summary: Kara has met with the Oracle and is even more confused about her destiny and what part the Cylons might have in it. Will she trust Lee with these new revelations or will she let her past ruin her future?

A/N: [raises white flag] Remember me? Yeah, I know, I suck. So sorry for the lack of updates. I'm not going to make my new year's deadline to finish this story, but the end is coming. The holidays and some RL issues kicked my booty, hence the delay in getting this next part up. It's shorter than I normally like, but I wanted to give you all something. Hopefully, you're still with me …

A little love will go a long way toward helping me finish. I intend to get some writing down this weekend for the new year and hopefully will finish this by the end of January. I swear, that's the plan!

Thanks as always for your continued readership and support.

~TamSibling

BSG BSG BSG BSG

**Chapter 11**

BSG BSG BSG BSG

Kara knew she should return to quarters. Lee would have returned by now and he'd be nervous if she wasn't there. But after her encounter with the Oracle, Kara felt as though she couldn't breathe; the thought of being confined to a small space like Lee's office was too restricting. Hell, the whole frakkin' ship felt too small, as though the walls were slowly closing in around her and soon, Kara would be crushed between two opposing deck plates, the air forced out of her lungs as her body broke.

The hangar was the only place where she felt like she could breathe. She was perched on one end of the catwalk, body wedged into a corner of the walkway so she could see everything, all the activity, the knuckledraggers and pilots and the birds. Her own ship was across the bay, sitting quietly, untouched while she stayed out of the sky.

Her anger at the Admiral from just a few days ago felt foolish now. She wasn't fit to fly, she was barely fit enough to walk upright, there was no way the Old Man should trust her with one of his birds. She couldn't imagine having one of her flashes from New Caprica while she was behind the stick. Being distracted like that was the quickest way to end up as a smudge on the side of Galactica's hull. And despite anyone's thoughts to the contrary, Kara didn't really have a death wish.

Well, not today. She'd reassess in the morning.

She was staring at nothing in particular when a long blue-clad leg made its way into her line of sight. Startling slightly, she tipped her head back not really surprised when she found Helo's face staring down at her. His expression was an interesting mix of concern and bemusement.

"'Buck."

"Helo." She resumed her staring into space not really interested in having a conversation. But Helo rarely—scratch that, ever—heeded her non-verbal cues. Karl was forever disregarding her 'frak off' vibes and today was no different.

He folded his tall form into a sitting position, nudging her crossed feet out of the way so he could sit beside her. Kara sighed heavily as she readjusted her position, sitting up straighter against the wall. She tried pulling her knees into her chest, but her joints were still rebelling at the oddest moments and they didn't want to be bent in such a way. Instead, she swung her legs out over the edge of the catwalk dropping them down next to Helo's.

"Come here often?" he asked lightly, the smirk on his face a clear indicator that he had no desire to pick a fight. Lucky for him, Kara had no interest either.

"What do you want, Helo?" She didn't have much interest in a conversation though.

"What are you doing up here?"

She shrugged but didn't elaborate. Helo sighed before asking, "Hiding or sulking?"

She turned to him, sticking her tongue out quickly and managing to get a bark of a laugh from her oldest friend. "How about neither? How about thinking?"

Helo lightly punched her upper arm. "That would explain the smoke."

Kara didn't even bother with a fake guffaw.

"I realize you probably don't want to talk, Kara, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm willing to listen if you do."

She thought about ignoring him, seeing how long it would take before he finally gave up and took a walk, but she couldn't handle the guilt that was slowly uncoiling in her belly at the thought.

"How does it feel knowing you married the enemy?" she asked after a moment, cringing at the way it sounded once she actually spoke it aloud.

Luckily, Helo's first reaction wasn't offense. "Sharon's not the enemy," he said instead, speaking patiently as though this was an argument he'd already had many times. Kara figured that was true.

"You know what I mean."

He nodded. "I think I do. And I'm assuming this isn't about Sharon, but Sam."

Kara nodded, but couldn't speak past the sudden lump in her throat.

"Kara, there was no way you could have known Sam was a Cylon. He didn't even know."

That rationale rang hollow to Kara. How could she not know her husband was a machine? She shuddered at the thought, thinking of all the times they'd made love, how many times it had been violent. She had always assumed it was because she knew she was a shitty wife—Sam had every right to leave a few bruises as a reminder of her transgressions. But now it felt more sinister. Maybe there had been intent. Maybe she had allowed him to hurt her just as she'd allowed Leoben to manipulate her because she had always been destined to love a Cylon.

"What do you know about it, Helo? How do you know all of this, Sam, my marriage, New Caprica—how do you know that wasn't part of some giant plan? My special destiny."

Helo sighed, but kept his silence for a few minutes. Kara waited, not feeling particularly patient, but unwilling to push him for a response. She wasn't at all sure what he was thinking and therefore didn't know if she really wanted to hear it.

"I know that Sam and the Cylons are not your destiny, Kara. No matter what your mother told you, no matter what you've been telling yourself for twenty years, your destiny doesn't involve pain and sadness. Kara, you deserve to be happy. To be loved."

Lee's face sprung to her mind unbidden. Hadn't he been saying pretty much the same thing for as long as she would listen? Hadn't the Oracle said something similar as well? Kara didn't need a special decoder ring to understand the Oracle's words; to understand that Lee was Apollo, her sun, the light in the darkness, her wingman. She didn't need powers of divination to understand the Oracle's warning, that she would only survive what was to come with Lee beside her.

But trusting it was another matter entirely.

"You've got to let some of this go, Kara." Helo's soft voice pulled her back to the present. "This guilt you're carrying with you, it's not going to fix anything, Kara. It's just holding you back."

"From what?"

The exasperated look on his face was almost comical. "From what you want. What you deserve. From Lee."

Kara's face flushed hot at the mention of his name. It was fine for Kara to covet Lee in her heart, to imagine them having a life together in her own mind where no one could see or make fun of her for her foolishness. But having someone else call her on it made it too real.

"Like it's a secret, Kara, for either of you," Helo said with an eye roll. "Do you have any idea how frantic Lee was when you were missing? I've never seen him that upset, Kara."

She kept her silence, uncertain what to say. She wanted to tell Helo he was imagining it, but the look on Lee's face when he'd broken into that storage closet confirmed her friend's assertion. "He's in love with you, Kara and I'm about ninety-nine point nine percent sure you're in love with him." 

"What does it matter? Just because I feel something doesn't mean I deserve for it to be reciprocated."

"Gods, Kara, it's a good thing your mother's dead or I swear you'd be testifying at my trial."

Kara blushed again. Helo and Zak were the only people to ever profess matricidal urges toward her mother. She always assumed it was a misplaced sense of chivalry, some kind of displaced desire to defend her honor. She couldn't imagine either of them actually doing it; couldn't imagine her mother dying from any other cause than the cancer that ate away at her organs.

The sudden sting of tears forced Kara to look away, blinking as she took a deep shuddering breath. There were too many emotions, too many questions, too many memories swimming too close to the surface. The elation of her reconnecting with Lee alternated with fear at Sam's betrayal. Memories of Leoben and his obsession gave way to flashes of Kacey's smile and the sound of her laugh. And now, underneath all of it was the heady smell of the Oracle's incense and her cryptic words that made far more sense to Kara than they should.

"Hey. Kara? Kara, can you hear me?"

The brush of Helo's hand against her forearm startled her so much she actually jerked away, her lower back connecting with the bulkhead behind her, a dull ache added to the sharp stabs of pain she was subjected to already. Helo immediately retreated, holding up both hands in a sign of mock-retreat, his puzzled expression quickly turning to one of worry.

"I'm sorry, Kara. I didn't mean—"

She couldn't handle hearing one more person apologize for things they weren't responsible for. It wasn't Helo's fault she was wound tighter than a drum or Lee's fault that she could barely look at herself in the mirror. Hell, it wasn't even Sam's fault that she was disgusted with herself. Nope, all of that blame fell squarely on her shoulders.

So why were all they all apologizing to her when she was the problem?

"It's fine, Helo." She rose faster than her body could really handle, causing muscles and abraded skin to protest at the movement. Brushing by him quickly, she kept her head down, ashamed at the tears she could feel already wetting her cheeks. Too much; it was just too much.

"I'll see you later, okay?" She didn't bother to wait for his acknowledgement, didn't bother waiting to see if he tried to follow her. She took the ladder to the deck two steps at a time, praying she could make it back to Lee's quarters before her emotions truly betrayed her.

BSG BSG BSG BSG

Saul stood at one of the windows of the cell, looking into an empty brig antechamber. Even the guard on duty had been relegated to an outer room, advised to keep his distance from a man he would once have called friend and another he would have called superior. So it was only Galen and Saul trapped behind clear glass and metal, waiting.

"What do you think the Old Man's going to do?"

Tyrol had been a pretty agreeable bunkmate, keeping his silence, maintaining a calm demeanor so as not to drive Saul made with fidgeting or nervous tics. But since Lee, the President and Adama had stopped by an hour ago to show off the alien device they'd found wedged under Kara's seat, he'd been impatient, nervous. Tigh didn't blame him.

"I've known Bill Adama for about thirty years now," he admitted, keeping his gaze focused on the outside world. "And I think I've been anticipating his moves for about the last twenty-nine."

Their shorthand had developed quickly. It only took a few firefights, shoulder to shoulder in the same hole for one man to understand the other; for one man to know when to zig while the other zagged.

"But for the first time in a long while, I have no idea what the Old Man is planning."

Galen kept his silence after that.

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"What did you find?"

Lee held up the round disk, the dull silver almost gray in the muted lighting of his father's office. "According to Hadrian and Cally, it's not a bomb."

"Any speculation on what it is, then?" The president asked, stepping beside Lee and removing the instrument from his hand, turning it over in her own as though it were made of the most precious metal.

Or the most toxic.

"Well, it was emitting a signal when we pulled out from under Kara's seat. Cally was able to rig something to jam it. Otherwise, it's fairly non-threatening." If they all ignored the fact it had been in Kara's cockpit.

Taking the device from Laura's hands, Bill held it close to his face, eyes roving the technology in studied silence. Lee balled his fists, physically forcing himself to keep his temper and his patience. He had left Kara over three hours ago now and he didn't like it. Actually, given the events of the past few days, there weren't too many things he did like.

"I agree that it doesn't appear to be a weapon." The Old Man glanced up with a twisted look of humor on his face. "Of course, Saul, Tyrol and Anders didn't either."

Even Lee felt the sting of that statement.

Handing the disk back to Lee, his father said, "Take this back to Hadrian and ask her to keep it locked up. I want her team to run as many tests as possible on that thing. Once we've concluded it doesn't pose an immediate threat, we'll discuss how we want to proceed."

Apollo nodded, taking the device while biting his tongue. Lee wanted to get back to Kara. He wanted to be sure she was all right. Of course, if this Cylon tech was another way to get to her, then no amount of his hovering was going to keep her safe.

"Cottle has also given Anders a clean bill of health, he'll be transferred to the brig at the start of the next shift."

Bill moved to take a seat on one of the room's couches, gesturing the president to do the same. She sank into the nearest soft leather cushion, a look of sheer exhaustion gracing her features before she again masked it with her affected persona. Lee wondered when the last time either Roslin or his father had had a full night's sleep. They both looked merely days away from crumbling to dust under the weight of their responsibilities.

"How is Kara?" his dad asked, pulling Lee's attention back to the present.

He opened his mouth to answer before shutting it again just as quickly. "She's … better," Lee finally said. "Better than she was at any rate."

"But?" Laura's eyes held the smallest twinkle as she tried to coax additional information out of Lee. He suspected the president had always known more about his relationship with Kara than she'd ever admitted.

"She's still not back to being Kara." It was the most Lee was willing to concede. His time with Kara in these past few days felt precious, a gift he had no right to open let alone keep. She trusted him with her vulnerability and he wouldn't be betray that by blabbing to his father or the president. No matter how well meaning they seemed, Lee knew that Kara's pride was still a powerful thing and he didn't want her questioning his loyalty should she ever discover he had over-shared.

"Am I dismissed?" he asked abruptly, surprised by the smirk that graced his father's features at the question.

"Yes, Lee, of course. Please give Kara our best," the Old Man answered.

Lee nodded and then left quickly, ready to dump off this Cylon tech and get back to Kara.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Title: Coming Back – 12/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: R (This one is a little racy, kids.)

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2

Summary: Kara is still reeling from the revelation that Sam is a Cylon, while Lee, Adama and Roslin try to determine what exactly the Cylons want with her.

A/N: All right, I'm back and if I do say so myself, with a doozy of a chap. I really hope y'all were being honest about sticking with it.

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**Chapter 12**

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Kara wasn't sure what propelled her to stand outside of Sam's curtained off area in Life Station, heart pounding so fiercely in her chest, she feared it would give her away. But here she stood, having sprinted from the deck down five flights of stairs and half the length of the ship, not the relative safety of Lee's office, but to the bedside of her husband if only by law.

Nothing good could come of this and yet, Kara was here anyway.

"You can go in and see him, captain, if you wish. We'll be transferring him to the brig at the top of the hour." Ishay breezed past her, completely oblivious to the delicate situation she had just stomped all over, announcing to Sam and everyone else within earshot she was skulking about.

Blowing out an exasperated breath that also helped to dissipate some of her nerves, Kara pushed her way into the bedside area, making sure the curtain was closed completely before looking to Sam.

The left side of his face was a miasma of bruises. Kara felt a burst of pride knowing Lee had caused most of the damage. Of course, a flash of shame followed quickly, as she realized she was what had inspired Lee's violent tendencies.

"Kara."

He said her name the same as before. She closed her eyes for a moment, replaying the two syllable word in her mind, listening for some kind of difference, a tell that should have told Kara in seconds that she was falling in love with the enemy.

There was nothing.

"Are you all right?" She didn't know why she asked. Kara had already told herself, over and over again, that she didn't care, yet it was still the first thing she could think to verbalize.

"I'm fine, fine. How are you, Kara?" Sam kept saying her name as though trying to remember it. She wondered which of them needed the clarification more.

"Fine."

Kara crossed her arms over her chest as a bitter chill swept over her skin. There was no cause for it, no physical cause, but she could already feel the hastily patched together pieces of her soul shuddering under the weight of Sam's gaze and his presence.

"Why did you …" She wasn't sure it was even the most pressing question, it certainly wouldn't provide a satisfactory answer, but she forged on anyway. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" There was no way a machine could feign that kind of innocence.

"What do you mean 'what?' All of it. Marry me, sleep me with me, pretend you loved me." Offered the choice of utter despair and anger, Kara would pick anger any day. It was the only explanation for the rising cadence in her voice and the fact that she hadn't yet crumbled to the ground.

"I wasn't pretending, Kara." Sam's eyes were intent on hers, staring with an earnestness she had learned to associate with him early in their relationship. In quiet moments, after making love, Kara would find him studying her with such quiet dedication, as though she were a puzzle he'd just figured out how to solve. It had unnerved her then and it bugged the frak out of her now. "I love you, Kara. I have since I met you."

"No you don't. You're a machine." It felt good to throw the insult in his face, even though Kara wasn't sure she totally believed it.

"Maybe I am, Kara, but that doesn't keep me from loving you."

Her stomach convulsed and Kara swallowed hard, worried she'd regurgitate the nothing she had for lunch. "You can't love me. You're not capable of it."

Of course, Kara was also impossible to love, mama had always said. So maybe this was some kind of Kismet. "Kara, you can think of me whatever you want, but please understand, I love you."

She had strayed close enough for Sam to touch her and he grabbed for her hand, holding it tight even as she tried to back away. With nowhere to go, she was forced to again meet his earnest blue-eyed gaze. "I married you because I was in love with you, Kara. Because I believe we were meant to be. Because I believe you deserve to be happy. And no matter what happens, that won't change."

He gave the hand he held a gentle tug, turning Kara's arm toward them, bringing her half of their marriage tattoo into her line of sight. "No matter what happens, I'll always know that you're mine."

"Don't touch me." Kara forcefully removed Sam's fingers from around her wrist, barely noticing the scrape of his fingernails down the back of her hand as she did so. She backed away, doing her best not to fly into pieces, but he just kept calling her name and repeating, "I love you, Kara. Don't forget. I love you," and she was forced to bolt once again, this time walking at a measured pace out of Life Station, past the odd looks of medics and the off-duty corps men who were reporting for shots or physicals or some other reason.

Kara walked at a resolute pace, watching the decking at her feet blur beyond recognition as tears filled her eyes again. She walked undisturbed for quite a while, having a vague sense of heading back toward the CAG's office when a pair of shiny boots appeared before her and they didn't move.

"Kara?"

His voice was the sweetest sound she had heard in what felt like years and Kara gasped out a whimper as she raised her eyes and met Lee's concerned gaze. "Hey." His hands cupped her cheeks, bringing their bodies into closer proximity and Kara leaned into his warmth. "Hey, what happened?"

Arms still crossed over her chest, Kara didn't bother trying to explain, she simply sank forward into Lee's broad chest and let his arms hold her up. He didn't ask again what was wrong, didn't try and get her to talk, he simply wrapped her tight in his arms, supporting them both and when the worst of her shaking had stopped, he turned them toward his office.

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Lee had given up watching Kara sleep, convinced after the third hour rolled into the fourth that she was sleeping undisturbed and her body would be afforded the rest it had been lacking in the past few days. His body was on high alert, attuned to any noise, ready to wake her at the first sound of distress, but after jumping at what amounted to no more than a sigh, he retired to his desk, doing his best to slog through the paperwork he'd been neglecting in order to be with her.

Finding her as he had in the hallway a few hundred feet from his office didn't ease his mind or inspire a sense of relief that Kara might finally be healing. He had managed to get her to admit in mumbled fits and starts that she had been visiting Sam and it was something he'd said that had set her off. Lee wished she'd waited to step on that landmine when he could have been with her. He didn't like the idea of her going to see her husband period, let alone going by herself without him there for back-up … or moral support.

Of course his internal debate over whether to share their finding of the Cylon device in her bird had been rendered moot at her emotional state. Despite his own embarrassment that the Cylons seemed capable of reaching her, he knew that the best thing he could do for Kara was make her feel safe. Knowing how close they'd been would not accomplish that.

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill."

Gaeta's voice jolted Lee from his reverie just as it jolted Kara awake. She was already up, staring at his open duty locker, obviously looking for her flight suit before he'd even made it across the room.

"Kara. Head back to bed. This isn't your fight," he told her, brushing past her and reaching for his flight suit, shrugging out of his uniform jacket while he toed off his boots.

In silence, she returned to his bed, back leaning against the bulkhead, blanket drawn over her knees. He caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye as he pulled his flight suit up to his waist, stomping his feet into his boots. The distance in her gaze made him uneasy.

As he zipped up the suit, he turned again, and found she was no longer staring at nothing, but instead staring at him. He had less than a minute before his absence on the deck would be noted and reported. Crossing the room in two large strides, Lee pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be right back, okay? Sit tight."

As he tried to pull back, he realized Kara's hand was wrapped tightly in the collar of his flight suit. The closeness of the position forced Lee to meet her eyes and he inhaled a sharp breath at the fierce look of protection in them.

"Be careful out there. Okay?"

He grinned, his heart hammering in his chest for reasons that had very little to do with adrenaline. "Good hunting is what you say," he whispered back, kissing her quickly on the lips before pulling back and sprinting to the deck.

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By the time he made it to the hangar bay, Gaeta's voice was signaling he was no longer needed. "Enemy ships have jumped away. All birds back to the barn. Prepare for FTL jump in sixty seconds."

Lee found Cally quickly, watching as she ordered her team to shift their operations from flight prep to recovery. "What happened, Cally?"

She gave him a nod, while barking orders and signing off on a clipboard, moving the entire time, forcing Lee to follow. "Six bogies showed up, sir. By the time we scrambled the alert fighters, four of them had already jumped away. The last two left as soon as we launched the squad."

He frowned. "Casualties?"

She returned his expression. "None. We barely got off a warning shot. According to Hot Dog, they never even fired."

A heavy, hot feeling of dread lodged itself into Lee's gut. Turning, he spotted Constanza dismounting his bird and jogged across the deck meeting him at the foot of the ladder. "Report, Lieutenant."

Offering Lee a sharp salute, Hot Dog answered, "Not much to report, sir. They came, they saw, we threatened, they left."

"Is it true they never fired?"

"No, sir. Just hung out there for a bit. Two of them ventured in pretty close, sent out some kind of signal, waited about fifteen seconds and then bolted."

"A signal?" The dreadful feeling in Lee's stomach twisted, forcing him to swallow hard. "What type?"

Constanza shrugged. "Not sure, sir. It didn't mess with any of our instruments. Cockpit recordings got a sample though. I'm guessing Gaeta can decipher it, if it means anything."

Lee nodded. "Yeah, of course. Thanks, Hot Dog. File your report and then hit your rack."

"Yes, sir." He saluted again before turning back to the knuckledragger hanging at his elbow, waiting patiently for his post-flight signoff.

"Lee?" Cally was back, an inscrutable look gracing her young features. "There's a call from you. It's the Admiral."

He acknowledged her with a nod, finding the nearest phone and picking up the handset. "Adama."

"Lee? You'd better get up here." His father sounded equal parts angry and afraid. It made Lee's stomach churn.

"On my way."

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"They were definitely looking for something." Gaeta, pointed to the screen, noting the spikes in the electronic transmission they had intercepted during the truncated dogfight. "Here and here, these levels are masking a different signal. It's a call and response type of model."

"Did they get it? What they were looking for?" Adama asked, arms crossed over his chest as Lee and the President flanked either side.

Gaeta shook his head. "No, sir. I'm guessing that's why they bolted so quickly. They didn't get the response they were hoping for."

"The beacon." Lee knew it, in a way that made him decidedly uncomfortable, that the cylons had been looking for that round disk he and Cally had ferretted out of Kara's bird twelve hours ago. Which meant they had been looking for Kara.

"Thank you, lieutenant." Adama dismissed Gaeta, waiting until the three of them were alone before addressing Lee's assumption. "It seems we found that beacon just in time."

"If we assume that's correct, we have to wonder what their plan is now," Roslin said. She met Lee's gaze quickly, before setting her eyes on Bill. "If they are after Captain Thrace and have gone to such lengths to find her, we have to wonder what they'll be willing to do now that they know we're aware of them."

Lee supposed it was too much to hope they might just leave them in peace.

"I'll speak with Anders," Adama decided, causing Lee to release a breath he hadn't even known he was holding.

"We could ask Captain Thrace to speak to her husband," Roslin added, again looking to his father.

"No." Now Lee understood why he'd been so fearful of their conversation. He had known, instinctively, that this would somehow involve Kara. Considering how he'd found her an hour ago, he couldn't allow this to get any closer to her than it already was.

"No, that's not an option."

Both the president and his father seemed surprised, whether by his resolute tone or vehemence, he wasn't sure and he didn't care. "Lee—"

"No, dad. I mean it. Kara's not ready for that. You've got to trust me on this." _Trust that I know her better than you. Trust that I know what's best, at least for right now._

"Major, I can understand your need to protect Captain Thrace, but …"

Roslin let the sentence die no doubt hoping Lee's sense of duty and his overly pronounced sense of guilt would prevail once again. That he would bristle once more at the condescension in her tone and do what she wanted just to shut her up. Lee liked the president, he even respected her in some ways and he knew his father's feelings for the former schoolteacher ran deep. Lee could even get behind their relationship.

But it didn't change the fact that Laura was skilled in the art of persuasion and she had used her talents on him since the beginning of the war. And like a dutiful son who knew the wrath of a displeased mother, he'd done as she'd wanted.

That stopped now.

"All due respect, Madame President, but you really don't. Neither of you do."

There was no mistaking their silence for anything other than shock. Lee decided he might as well go for broke. "I realize that you both could still order Kara to speak with Anders, but I'm here to tell you, I'll end up sharing a cell with Tyrol before I let either one of you do that to her. She's not ready for a face-to-face with Anders."

Something akin to pain creased his father's brow before his face again relaxed into his commander's visage. "Lee, I'm not sure Kara would appreciate you speaking for her."

It was almost comical how easily they thought he could be manipulated. If his own sense of propriety seemed faulty, might as well pounce on his other insecurity: disappointing Kara.

"No, _sir,_ she wouldn't." He emphasized the indicator of respect hoping to send a signal to his father that playing dirty wasn't acceptable. "Which is why I will talk to Kara about it. But whatever happens next will be her choice, not an order, not a command, not even a thinly veiled threat that sounds like a request. Kara needs people she can trust right now. I'm going to be one of those people even if it costs me my job."

Silence followed his ultimatum. Lee considered leaving, not waiting for a dismissal, but his pragmatic side won out. His rank and the access it afforded were more useful to Kara right now. He wouldn't purposefully try to get bounced out of the service.

"She's really not all right, is she Lee?" Roslin finally asked, voice hushed as though speaking the words was some affront against the universe.

Lee wanted to weep with relief. Finally. "No, Laura, she's not. I wish you both could understand that."

This new silence stretched past the point of comfortability, making Lee fidget. Now that this immediate danger had passed, he was more acutely aware of the time, realizing it had to be close to an hour now that he'd left Kara alone. He wanted to get back to her if only to assure her that he was fine, that the Cylons were gone and that they were going to figure out a way for Kara to get back to being herself. He couldn't help her twiddling his thumbs on the bridge.

"If there's nothing further, may I be dismissed?"

"You're dismissed," his father said quietly, not meeting his gaze.

Despite getting the result he wanted, Lee still felt a twinge of guilt at knowing he'd just scolded his own father.

"We do understand, son," the Old Man said gruffly, clamping a strong hand on his shoulder, preventing Lee from leaving.

Lee met his gaze, realizing his glasses had obscured a growing wetness in his eyes. "I don't want Kara to hurt anymore than you do," he added, squeezing Lee's shoulder painfully hard for a second before letting go.

"I know, dad." He felt another, sharper twinge of guilt at his father's obvious distress. "I know."

"I want you to take the next forty-eight hours off."

Lee blinked. "Sir?"

"Kara needs you," Laura spoke this time, offering Lee a warm smile as she threaded her arm through Bill's. "Believe it or not, your father and I aren't heartless, Lee."

"I just wanted to believe that Kara would be all right," the elder Adama added, voice still heavy with sadness.

"And she will be," Lee told them determinedly. "I know it. She just isn't there yet."

"Then it's up to all of us to help see her through this, Major. And I can't think of better man for the job than an Adama," Roslin offered, this time sparing his father a glance. "If anything new develops with regards to the Captain, may we contact you while you're off duty?"

Their reversal had Lee's head spinning. It took him a moment to answer. "Yes, yes, of course. Please do." He looked between them, filled for the moment with such gratitude he feared he might kiss them both. "Thank you," he whispered instead, giving Laura's hand a squeeze before meeting his father's gaze.

His father simply nodded curtly in return restoring balance to their relationship in the process. "Good luck, son," he intoned quietly.

Lee returned the nod wishing he had something a bit more concrete than luck to rely on.

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As soon as the hatch shut after Lee, Kara was up and out of bed, pacing. Adrenaline flooded her system with no outlet, no promise of a dogfight or a Cylon kill to scratch into the wing of her bird.

The claxons stopped soon after he'd left, but Kara's body was still shaky with displaced aggression. She needed to shoot something, needed to watch it explode into a million tiny fragments, needed to feel the reverberation of its destruction along the fuselage of her bird.

Fingernails scraping through her hair, Kara took a deep breath, forcing herself to relax, even as her heart thundered in her chest. She could feel the start of a panic attack, the tell-tale racing of her heart, the need to breath in short gasps, forcing oxygen into her lungs as her body fought its autonomic responses.

_I'll always love you, Kara. I'll always find you._

The voice was barely more than a traitorous whisper glancing against the shell of her ear. In the midst of a dogfight, she'd probably have dismissed it, drowned it out with a quick firing sequence into empty air or the engine block of a bogey. But there was no distraction here save Kara's own inaction, the knowledge that she wasn't fit to fly and therefore, couldn't exact revenge on the enemy who had made her this basket case.

_I've marked you, Kara._

Head snapping up, Kara's vision blurred for a second before she recognized the scene before. And the person whose voice taunted her.

"You can't be here."

Leoben smiled, even as Kara charged at him in a rage. He easily sidestepped her, forcing Kara to stop and regain her balance. By moving to the side he'd revealed the giant yellow, blue and red mandala now inexplicably painted on the wall of Lee's quarters, paint cans and splattered remnants scattered at her feet.

"No." She moaned the word, looking for anything that might cover it up. In the paint cans, she found untouched pools of white matte and thrust her hands into them hurriedly, wiping them over the brilliantly colored swirl before her. "No," she breathed again, over and over. "No, no, no."

_Kara._

She ignored him, choosing instead to focus on the wall, finally lifting a half full can of paint and splashing it over the artwork. It succeeded for a moment before the white appeared to dissolve, the yellow, blue and red emerging brighter and more defined then before. It wouldn't go away.

_Kara, Kara, stop._

His hands were on her shoulders now, moving along her arms, curling around her hands. His fingers interweaved with hers, smearing them both in white paint as he wrapped her up firmly in his embrace. _Kara, stop._

"No." She struggled against him, against the strength of his arms and his intent, obvious to her by the hardness pressing into her backside.

His mouth was at her ear, breath hot as it blew against her skin. _Kara. It's okay_.

She went limp at the timbre in his voice, relieved that it wasn't Leoben playing tricks on her any longer. It wasn't. It wasn't him.

She turned quickly, feet slipping on the paint at her feet as she threw her arms around Sam's neck, breathing in the familiar scent of him, now tinged with fumes. "Sam. He was here."

_It's okay, baby._

Kara knew, in a small part of her mind that was fighting its way to the surface that it wasn't all right. That nothing was all right about any of this-not the mandala or the slick white latex under her feet or Sam's unnaturally strong touch, but he wasn't Leoben and at this very moment that was all she cared about.

"Don't let him take me, Sammy, please. Not again." Kara clutched at her husband's neck, realizing she was covering him in paint. He held her back just as tightly, hands bunching up and under the overly large white shirt she wore. It's what she always wore to paint in.

_No one's taking you anywhere, baby. I got you. _

His lips moved along her cheek, down her neck until his mouth found the sensitive spot below her ear and began to suck. Teeth nipped lightly at the skin, causing a thrill of desire to shoot straight down to Kara's core, toes curling as he laved the abraded skin with his tongue before taking another playful bite.

"Sam." She knew this wasn't real, couldn't be real because Sam wasn't here and while part of her wanted to push him away, he was warm and solid and making her forget.

In seconds, she was backed up against the stained wall, her shirt now sticking to the paint, limiting Kara's range of motion, leaving her writhing as Sam's talented mouth and hands roved her body in familiar paths. She knew she should tell him to stop, knew that if Lee should return to find her in such a compromising position he would never forgive her; he wouldn't understand. He couldn't know how close she was to drowning in her own pain, couldn't know what the mandala meant.

The Oracle's words called out to her through the fog of desire Sam was causing. Her shirt was gone now, leaving her only in her dark gray boy shorts and they had sunken to the floor, Sam's solid, heavy form over her, pressing her body into the cold decking, coating her back in white, red, yellow and blue paint. His mouth was back on hers, tongue thrusting inside with purpose, as the Oracle's voice shouted in her mind: _You must embrace the light, Kara Thrace. __Embrace the light or the darkness will consume you._

Sam's hand was creeping past the edge of her panties just as Kara's sense returned. Oh gods. Oh gods, she couldn't do this. She didn't want this. She wanted Lee.

"No." She pushed at Sam's bulk, struggling as his hand pushed its way past the cloth covering her, his fingers brushing lightly against her center. Even as she felt a pulse of desire, she felt an even bigger burst of revulsion and forced herself to fight him.

"Get off of me!"

Kara swung out hard and connected with nothing. She sat up quickly, scrambling away from phantom-Sam, watching as he stalked toward her. There was no mandala on the wall behind him, no paint or empty cans cluttering the floor. When Kara looked down at herself she saw she was still fully clothed. What was happening?

_I've marked you, Kara. _

It was _his_ voice again. But there was no one there, not even the specter of Sam to provide Kara the illusion that she hadn't just hallucinated all of it. She forced herself to stand, body shaking with remembered desire and fear. "Where are you?" she demanded to the empty room. Sam had been here or was it Leoben? Where were they?

_I'll always find you, Kara. You belong to me._

Oh gods. Wide-eyed, Kara scanned the entire room, heart still hammering in her chest, breath coming in short gasps, sweat starting to drip from her hair down her back. Images of the mandala, sounds of warning klaxons, Lee's lips on hers before he'd left, Sam's body holding her down … She had no idea what was real.

Taking a step forward, Kara stumbled into the bedside table, knocking its contents to the floor. Kara followed them down, ending up on her hands and knees, knowing she should pick up, knowing she had no right to destroy Lee's life just because her own was imploding. Her hand curled around the closest object, her only intent to replace it on the night stand until she realized what it was—Lee's duty knife.

It felt real, the weight of it familiar in her palm. Of course, Sam's body had felt real too, minutes ago and all of those nights so long ago when he'd made love to her. He'd sounded real all of those times he'd whispered how much he loved her. Just as Zak had always felt so solid lying behind her in bed, as they'd listened to the rain in the early morning before they frakked again right before sunrise.

Kacey's smile had been real, her laughter genuine when Kara had taught her to play peek-a-boo in that sham of an apartment on New Caprica. Leoben's blood had really coated her hands every time she'd managed to kill him. Her mother's anger had been terrifyingly believable the second before she'd smashed Kara's hands in a door.

Sinking back on her knees, Kara bowed her head. Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer, she pleaded silently, hoping for deliverance she knew wouldn't come. The Gods had forsaken her.

_My god will never forsake you, Kara._

It was always _his_ voice at her weakest moment. Kara refused to acknowledge him even though she swore she felt his presence beside her, could feel the barest hint of his touch as he ghosted his fingers over her tattooed arm. _You are ready now to accept God and his love for you, Kara. And my love, so I will find you. I will always be able to find you._

"No!"

Kara whirled, slashing the knife at thin air, knowing Leoben wasn't there, knowing he couldn't be real. But she couldn't get him to shut up either. Couldn't shake the feeling that he really would track her across the galaxy. Maybe there was one way …

Still holding Lee's knife, she finally turned it on herself, and with a sigh of almost relief sank it into her arm.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: Coming Back – 13/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13 (for concepts)

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2

Summary: Emotionally bereft, Kara has taken drastic action to make it all stop. What kind of damage has she done and can Lee get to her in time?

A/N: I realize I left you with quite a cliffhanger and I am truly sorry. I was so happy to have a chapter to update that I didn't quite realize just how cruel the end of chapter 12 was. Hopefully this will ease your shock. There is more coming, so hang onto your hats, kids!

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Chapter 13

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Lee knew something was wrong the minute he stepped through the hatch. The room smelled strange, an odd tang in the air that when coupled with Kara's soft whimpers caused the hairs on his arm to stand on end.

Rounding the corner so he could finally see into the sleeping alcove, he paused, hesitant in light of the scene before him.

Kara's back was against the foot of the bed, her body curled in on itself, protecting her mangled left arm in the curve of her body. There was a trail of blood along the floor, starting near the center and ending just below Kara's left shoulder, where Lee could still see blood oozing from her wounded skin.

"Kara." He breathed the word, more to convince himself that she was really there, rather than draw her attention. But she jumped at the sound, turning her face to peer at him over her shoulder, pale skin causing the bags under her eyes to stand out, the black and blue smudges dark and ugly.

"Oh gods, Lee." She murmured, her voice weaker than he could ever remember hearing it. The distress in her tone unglued his feet and he charged forward, dropping to his knees beside her in a second, hands hovering over her injury, uncertain what to do or how to touch her and not hurt her further.

"Please be real," she whispered as her body lost its battle with gravity and she fell hard on her right side, cheek mashed against the decking. "Oh gods, please be real."

"I'm right here, Kara." He told her firmly, swallowing quickly past the lump in his throat. Her arm was a mess. What had appeared to be dried blood from afar revealed itself as deep, clean cuts down her upper arm to the elbow, the skin over her tattoo reduced to ribbons. Blood loss aside, it had to hurt like hell. It was still bleeding too, which told Lee she was probably going to need stitches.

Reaching for her right hand, Lee grasped it hard and squeezed as he pulled a blanket from the foot of his bunk and wadded it up, pressing it against the wound. She cried out at the pressure, her body bending a bit, eyes fluttering open to meet his. "Kara, stay with me. I need you to tell me what happened."

For just a second his mind entertained the idea that the Cylons had done this. The raiders had been some type of ruse, meant to leave Kara unprotected and one of them had snuck in here and attacked her. But the lack of injury to any other part of her body and the deliberate size and shape of the cuts on her arm told Lee this wasn't the result of a third party. The knowledge that Kara had done it to herself made his stomach hurt.

"I don't know, I don't know what happened," she muttered, eyes closed again, head shaking from side to side as though trying to erase a memory. She uttered something Lee couldn't hear, and her body started to shake. As Lee watched beads of sweat form on her brow and her skin grow another shade paler, he realized she was going into shock.

"Damn it," he muttered, rising quickly and crossing to his desk. He almost yanked the phone from the wall as he barked in an order to get a hold of Life Station. As soon as he heard Ishay, he demanded to speak with Cottle. After a few short commands and a threat to call his father, the gruff doctor agreed to come to his quarters and treat Kara, allowing some of Lee's panic to subside. Kara's last stint in Life Station hadn't gone well. Given the state she was in now he feared how she'd react if she woke up there again.

Charging into the small bathroom attached to his quarters, he pulled all of the towels within reach off of their hooks and then headed back to Kara, shrugging his flight suit down to his waist in the process.

Kara was quiet now, apparently having drifted into a semi-state of sleep as Lee had worked. It made him even more nervous.

"Kara, hey." He gave her cheek a light tap, hating to do it, but needing her to look at him. "Kara, I need you to wake up and talk to me. Okay? Kara?" 

She came to on a gasp, sitting forward, her body falling into Lee's as she tried to steady herself with her injured arm and it gave way under the strain. Lee wrapped one arm around her waist easily, using the new position to better situate her, giving him easier access to her injury and allowing him to bandage it the best he could while they waited for Cottle.

Kara was silent as he worked, not even bothering to cry out when he knew his ministrations had to hurt her. She felt so small and fragile in his embrace, so very different from how he often thought of her, larger than life Starbuck whose mere presence filled every empty inch of the ship.

As he pulled one towel away to replace it with another, Kara hissed, looking at the injury herself. "Oh Gods," she murmured again, turning her face back into his shoulder, pressing her forehead into the skin of his neck and breathing deep. At any other instant Lee would have reveled in the contact, would have marveled at how good she felt. It still felt amazing to hold her, but knowing how fragile she was negated any contentment.

"Lee, it's really you." She sound surprised. Lee pulled back to meet her gaze, finding that she did indeed appear shocked that he was actually here holding her.

"I'm sorry I left before, Kara," he told her, keeping his voice low and hoping it would mask the shaky fear he felt. "I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault," she told him softly, face no longer pressed against his skin, her head now resting gently against his shoulder. "I thought I could make it stop."

"Make what stop, Kara?"

The towels were soaking through too quickly with her blood. Lee glanced anxiously to the door wondering where the hell Cottle was.

"All of it. The voices, the visions. I should have known they would only stop when you were here. It's what the Oracle said."

She was moments from drifting off. "You went to the Oracle, Kara?" Lee's stomach tightened. He knew Kara believed in the Gods and the Oracle, but Lee didn't like the idea of placing so much faith in a woman who had no real power. If what she'd said was the cause of Kara's current state …

"She told me I'm Aurora, but I need Apollo." She sighed on the final word, snuggling closer to him just as a knock sounded on the hatch. "I need Apollo," she murmured, as the hatch opened and Lee heard Cottle enter.

Keeping both arms around her, Lee pressed a kiss into her hair and whispered, "I'm right here, Kara. I won't leave you again."

It was the last thing he could say before Cottle took over.

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Together Lee and Cottle had shifted Kara to the bed and she was resting comfortably now. Despite the look of the injury, she'd only required a handful of stitches.

"I'd still like her to come in for a transfusion," the old man told Lee as he cleaned his hands over the sink. Lee stood at the door, giving him a clear view of both Kara and the irascible doctor. "She lost too much blood."

"I know, but unless it's absolutely necessary …"

"It isn't." Cottle shook the excess water off his hands and took the towel Lee offered him. It was one of the last clean ones in the room. "But it means she'll be weak for a few days. The sooner she gets an infusion, the stronger she'll be."

Lee nodded. "Last time she was in Life Station, it didn't end well. I want her to be fully aware of what's happening before we try it again."

Cottle deposited the towel on the edge of the sink before reaching into the pocket of his jacket and shaking loose a cigarette. Rolling his eyes, Lee waited as the old man lit it and took a few puffs. "Look, Major. I get why you're concerned and I don't disagree with you, but …"

He took another drag. Lee wondered how many uncomfortable conversations smoking had seen the man through. "But what, doc?"

"She did this to herself."

Lee's jaw clenched. He wanted to deny it; wanted to tell Cottle he didn't know what the hell he was talking about. But he couldn't, so he only nodded once.

"This isn't the first time Thrace has lost touch with reality, Major. If something like this happens again, I'm going to recommend to the Admiral that the Captain be placed under 24-hour supervision, in Life Station. For her own good."

That couldn't happen. Kara would shut down. She'd find a way to resurrect Starbuck, putting on a show for all involved until she fooled them into believing she was well enough to be on her own. And once she was free, she'd retreat, keeping herself locked away, removed from Lee and hurting until one reckless stunt behind the stick left her floating in space as bits of debris. Lee wasn't letting her disappear again, wasn't letting her suffer alone. Especially not after her slurred words before she'd succumbed to sleep. Not after she'd finally admitted to needing him.

"Something like this won't happen again, doc. You have my word."

The older man looked more than skeptical, but he wisely kept his silence on the matter. After another drag and puff and he reached into his bag and handed Lee a half-full bottle of pills. "For the pain. I gave her a local anesthetic while I stitched her up, but once she wakes again, it's going to hurt like hell. Make sure she takes two of these, with a full glass of water and something resembling food every six hours. It'll help stave off infection too."

Lee nodded, committing the instructions to memory. A soft sigh followed by a louder moan came from the bed and he turned instinctively, crossing to Kara's side as the doctor collected his things and left. Lee barely heard the hatch shut, his attention was so focused on the damaged woman before him.

"Lee." Her eyes fluttered open, lids so pale her light blue veins stood out starkly against them. The doctor had propped her up on a few pillows, so her upper body was at more of an incline, bringing their faces almost level. "Lee," she breathed again, this time with a soft sigh of relief.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Recriminations about her behavior could wait. While Lee waited to rail against her for being so foolish, he knew it was more his own fear talking than any real anger at Kara. He'd never seen her do something so drastic before, not deliberately. The scene he'd come home to, coupled with the blood that still stained the pile of towels in his laundry, was burned into the back of his eyelids. He saw it every time he so much as blinked.

"Tired. Sore." She tried to move her bandaged arm and hissed, immediately stilling the limb and leaving it beside her. "Damn, that hurts."

"The doc left you some medicine," he told her, shaking the bottle gently and causing the pills to rattle.

Much to his surprise, she actually offered him a small smile. "You gonna slap me in the mouth to make me take them?" she asked, the hint of a twinkle in her eyes.

Lee returned her smile. "Am I gonna have to?"

In answer, she tried to move her arm again and moaned louder and longer this time. "Maybe later. It frakkin' hurts."

He nodded once, going for a mug and some water. Luckily, he still had a few protein bars stashed in his desk, and he grabbed one on his way back, splitting it in half and handing it to Kara with two pills.

She frowned. "Not hungry." She swallowed the pills and then reached for the water. Lee gave it to her. "But thanks."

"These pills are going to tear up your stomach if you don't put something in it," he admonished, offering her the food again. "This is the best I've got for the moment."

Kara eyed the hunk of protein warily before her eyes flicked to Lee. For a second, he saw the spark of a fight in her gaze and then it was gone. With a weary sigh, she took the food from his hand before taking a vicious bite. "Fine," she mumbled around the mouth full.

Lee took a bite of the other half he still held, sitting beside her on the edge of the bed. They chewed in silence, Kara pausing every few moments to take another sip of water. He watched her closely, noting how careful she was to keep her injured arm still. The lack of movement was enough to tell him how badly it must hurt.

As she ate, Kara grew increasingly quiet, her eyes shifting from Lee's to study the blanket over her, the bandage on her arm, the ceiling. By the time she was finished, it had been a full five minutes since they'd made eye contact. The easy-going banter from when she'd first awoken was gone, slowly replaced by a tension that made his gut clench. He immediately regretted putting something in his stomach.

Draining the cup of water, she held it out to Lee still careful not to make eye contact. "More, please."

He took the cup to refill it, emptying the rest of the jug in his office. He made a mental note to ask for a refill when he called down to the mess later for dinner for them both. It was a privilege of rank that he could have food delivered to his office, but one Lee didn't normally indulge. He intended to use it for all six meals in the next forty-eight hours. Even the thought of leaving Kara for fifteen minutes to fetch dinner felt wrong somehow. And dangerous. Lee had visions of what he'd return to find, all more bloody than the last. He wasn't taking any chances.

"Frak."

Kara's vehement curse shook him out of his reverie and he hurried back to the bunk, surprised to find her actually standing. She was clutching the bulkhead, her grip so tight her knuckles had turned white, but she was up.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, placing the water down on the nightstand. He made a move to help her, but the cross look she shot him stilled his movements.

"Leaving," she panted, trying to catch her breath as the new position obviously put more pressure on her arm. It was crossed over her mid-section, but Lee knew those stitches had to be pounding from the redirected blood flow. "Just give me a second and I'll get out of your way."

Lee took a deep breath and let it out slowly, bracing himself for a fight. He had hoped she wouldn't push the issue, but he knew they were dealing with a whole new set of stakes now that she'd been so disoriented she'd injured herself.

"Kara, you need to stay here," he said calmly, hoping his own patience wouldn't run out. It was taking a huge amount of self-restraint not to strap her to the bunk and force her to tell him everything that was wrong.

"Sorry, Apollo, but I'm not quite ready for a good frak. Give me a day or two though."

His jaw clenched at her crudeness. He took another deep breath. It was just one of the many ways Kara liked to rile him. He suspected before this conversation was done, she would work her way through all of them. His cooler head would have to prevail.

"That has nothing to do with it and you know it." He watched her try to take a step, not surprised when she didn't advance very far. Holding himself still, Lee added, "You need to stay here because you can't be left alone."

"Frak you," she growled, making the mistake of releasing her death grip on the wall. She teetered on unsteady legs for a moment, before falling back onto the bunk. Instinctively, she put out her arms to brace herself, jamming her already injured left arm. Crying out in renewed pain, Kara rolled onto her side, panting as she continued to curse Lee out. "Frak you and your self-righteousness, Apollo. I don't need you hovering over me like a nervous freak."

"Kara, it's me or Cottle."

That stopped her bitching. Rising slowly, she met his gaze, something akin to shock on her features. "You're bluffing."

Lee forced a smile he didn't feel. Every muscle in his body was screaming at him to help Kara. To go to her and wrap her in his arms or kiss her—anything to impress upon her how badly she'd scared him and how much she meant to him. Anything to remind her how effectively his life would be over if she had actually succeeded in bleeding to death on the floor of his office.

But knowing and loving Kara Thrace had given Lee a few insights into the woman. Hard won as they were, he was painfully aware of what she would and would not tolerate at this moment. And his attentions would only serve to set her off, not help her. So he'd keep his distance.

"Trust me, Kara. I know you. Bluffing about something like that would be highly unwise." She still wasn't convinced. Lee added, "Cottle threatened to call my father and put you under twenty-four hour observation. Staying here with me is the only way to avoid that."

"Frak," she muttered again, only this time it wasn't directed at Lee, more the universe at large. He tensed further, convinced there was still a chance she might throw a punch. Finally, with a weary sigh, she pulled her legs back up onto the bunk, back leaning against the wall and sighed again. "Fine."

Lee relaxed a bit, unsure what to do now. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to know, but her capitulation was tentative at best. Pushing now would only cause her to shut down again.

Apparently, she felt it was necessary to remind him as well. "I'm not going to talk, Lee," she said with an eye roll. "If that's what you're waiting for, you might as well just move along."

He considered telling her to 'frak off' for about a second. Considered if there was anything he might say that would penetrate that frakking hard head of hers. In the end, it wasn't the fight he wanted; the end result would only cause her clam up more. Lee found his capacity for patience had grown tenfold in the year and a half they'd been orbiting New Caprica; he could wait. He only hoped it had outgrown Kara's uncanny capacity for stubbornness.

"Fine. Let me know if you need anything," he said, handing her the glass of water she'd asked for. He hesitated for a second before pressing a kiss to her forehead and then retreating to his desk. She didn't say anything, just held the water in her lap, staring at its placid surface while Lee settled in to do some work.

He considered that the act of waiting might kill them both.

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"We're not going to airlock you."

Bill watched Galen, Anders and Saul as they digested the news. None of them appeared all that relieved. Given the state of the Cylon prisoner on board the Pegasus all of those months ago, he supposed a promise not to airlock them wasn't all that reassuring.

"The president and I are still discussing just what precisely should be done with you, but I wanted you to know that we don't intend …" He paused, unable to complete the sentence. How had they gotten here? How could he be standing in Galatica's brig staring at his oldest friend, one of his best officers and the former captain of the C-Bucs telling them he wouldn't kill them?

He took a breath and then finally said, "We don't intend to kill any of you," he said finally, releasing a heavy sigh. "I felt you deserved to know."

"Bill, I—" Saul had been surprisingly quiet the handful of times Bill had been down to see him. He supposed it was a sign of respect for their years of friendship that he hadn't tried to plead his innocence. He hadn't tried to apologize either—Bill was equally grateful for that.

"We do need more information though." Or any information. Bill was disheartened by how little they actually knew. "We know that the last attack was a fishing expedition. The Cylons were looking for Kara. Or at least a signal from the beacon we found. How far are they willing to go to get her?"

Bill watched them closely. Saul and Galen exchanged an uncomfortable look while Anders simply kept still, staring at Bill. "Everything I know is in that letter I gave you," Tigh assured him. "I wish I knew why they're so obsessed with Thrace. Makes no sense to me."

"They won't stop."

Anders' quiet voice sent a chill down Adama's spine. "Care to elaborate?"

"Leoben believes he is the key to Kara's destiny. Some of the others believe Kara is the key to the Cylons' destiny. From either perspective, Kara is the lynchpin. They won't stop their efforts to reach her."

"What does that mean?" Tigh asked, taking a step closer to Anders. The other man barely seemed to realize where he was. "Now that they've tried to reach her through the beacon, what's next?"

For a moment Adama thought Anders wouldn't answer. Admittedly, he didn't know the man very well, only knew of him through his relationship to Kara and observances of some of the other crewmembers who had been close to the former Pyramid captain during their time on New Caprica. No one had had a bad thing to say about the guy. In general, he seemed well-liked. But factor in his treatment of Kara, his newfound status as one of the Final Five and now his less-than-helpful demeanor and Bill found his opinion of Anders was sinking fast.

Anders inhaled a deep breath, eyes blinking rapidly as he sat straighter in his chair. He took in his surroundings quickly, meeting Galen and Tigh's gazes before looking back to Adama. "I'm, I'm sorry. Were you saying something, Admiral?"

Bill paused, wondering if this could be an act, part of the ruse to keep him and his staff off balance. The change in Anders was marked. Instead of the far-off look of nonchalance he'd effected before, he looked truly present, confused by everyone's intense scrutiny.

"Explain yourself, Anders," Tigh demanded, sounding every bit the gruff XO he had been.

Anders blinked again, shifting uncomfortably in the chair, wincing as the movement pulled at his bandaged shoulder. "I, I wish I could, Saul. But … things have been a little foggy since we … well, you know."

"So, you don't remember what you just said?" Adama asked, wondering if any of this would start to make sense.

Anders face pinched as he considered. "Something about Kara, right? I don't … I don't remember all of it."

"You don't know what they want with her then?" Tyrol asked.

Anders shook his head. "I wish I did. Sometimes, I get … Well, I don't know."

"What?" Adama asked.

Sam frowned. "It's hard to explain, Admiral, and to be perfectly honest, I don't understand it. But occasionally, I get these—I don't know, flashes? Like I'm looking through someone else's eyes."

"And what do you see?" Despite the questionable nature of the information, Adama felt knowing was important.

"Kara. But like memories. Only I know they're not my memories, but someone else's. And sometimes its feels like maybe it's a dream or a wish?" Anders huffed out a breath before scrubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know, sir. It's all pretty confusing actually. All I can really tell you for certain is that in these memories, when I look at Kara, it feels like she's the most important thing in the world. Like if I can get to her, my life will mean nothing."

Adama clenched his jaw at this news, trying to determine what if anything he should do with the information. He knew he would never tell Kara, not now when she was already too fragile. But if Anders were channeling another cylon's thoughts, perhaps Leoben's, than knowing how obsessed he was with reaching Kara was unsettling at best.

"Do you know what their next move will be?" Tyrol asked, able to keep the interrogation going as both Tigh and Adama digested this news.

"No." When he again looked up, Anders appeared completely bereft, the frustration in his eyes obvious. "No, I don't. If I knew, I swear I would tell you. I don't want Kara to be in danger any more than the rest of you."

Adama wished he believed him.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Title: Coming Back – Ch. 14/?**

Pairing: Lee/Kara  
>Rating: PG-13 to R – there is some kissin'<p>

Spoilers: Anything up to and including Exodus, Part 2

Summary: Lee reached Kara in time, but is she really ready to accept his care and concern?

A/N: All right, kiddos, I think I might finally be over the hump with this story (yippee!). As such I feel good about the flow of words and the amount I'm writing each day. Hopefully we'll be wrapped up by next weekend, maybe sooner.

Thanks so much to everyone's comments regarding the last few chapters. I know it's difficult to see Kara in such a painful place, but I think given the events of New Caprica and this story, it's warranted. I'm glad most of you think so too!

Happy reading!

~TamSibling

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Chapter 14

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_Kara didn't want to be here. The yellow-red-blue of the mandala screamed at her silently from its place on the wall across from the bed. She stayed where she was, curled up on her side, staring at the painted mural, intermittently closing her eyes and praying that when she next opened them it would be gone. No matter how fervently she pleaded, it remained._

_She knew now, in a way she hadn't before that this was a dream. She supposed the Oracle might call it a vision or some type of foreshadowing, but Kara only knew it wasn't real. Naming it didn't so much matter as long as she was aware of that fact. And yet, she couldn't wake up._

_She was alone this time, no specters of Leoben or Sam to haunt her, but Lee wasn't there either and she wanted him to be. It was odd to float in this strange space between waking and sleeping, to know the things she saw weren't real, but have no way to actually come back to herself, to bring her body back to the present. _

_Time passed strangely. She felt as though it had been hours since she'd seen Lee, since he had found her, huddled on the floor of his quarters bleeding. Since she had tried to leave and he had smartly told her she couldn't. She had felt a passing annoyance when he'd explained the doc's ultimatum, but in some ways it was a gut reaction that masked her relief. Relief that she wouldn't have to actually say she needed him, but she could keep him close all the same._

_Okay, she was bored now. And more than a little annoyed. With a sigh, Kara sat up slowly, wary eyes on the mandala the whole time. Her movement did not wake her from the dream as she'd hoped; she was still alone, still without Lee. She could remember his promise from before, his promise that he wouldn't leave. His absence told her she had to be dreaming because she believed him. She believed he was still here with her and he wasn't going to go._

_Closing her eyes, Kara counted down from ten, angry that when she opened them again, she was still stuck in the dream, still staring at that damn mandala that she had been painting in some way since she was five. _

"_Damn it," she muttered. Why couldn't she wake up? And why was she alone?_

"_Lee. Lee, please be here," she murmured, not even sure what she was hoping would happen. But it only took a moment before something did._

"Kara? Hey, can you hear me?"

_She could hear him, but not see him. She struggled not to panic. "Lee? I want to wake up."_

_Kara heard the faintest sound of a chuckle and when he spoke she could tell he was smiling._

"Then wake up, Starbuck."

_She closed her eyes and opened them again. Nothing. "Damn it. Lee?"_

"Come on, Kara."

_This time his voice was softer and if Kara closed her eyes and concentrated very hard she swore she could feel the gentle touch of his hand on hers, the weight of his palm against her cheek. And then he spoke again and she could feel the ghost of breath across her lips. _

"Wake up, Kara, it's okay. I'm here."

She came to with him kissing her like a scene out of some old fairy tale she had read once. Kara Thrace had never much believed in white knights or dragon slayers, but she'd bet her last cubit that Lee did. She'd bet all the fresh fruit left in the universe that if he knew she looked at him that way, he'd never stop smiling.

He pulled back, his deep blue eyes meeting hers, palm still against her cheek as he smiled at her. "You okay?"

She nodded once, knowing she was dangerously close to doing something stupid. It was hard to remain objective, hard to remember why she had to be tough-as-nails Starbuck when Lee was looking at her like that. Looking at her like she was the most fragile thing he'd ever seen.

And even as her heart pounded in her chest and her palms grew sweaty and every voice in her head screamed that she should get up and leave, that she should say something mean and damaging, Kara Thrace found her tongue loosening and she finally said what was actually in her heart.

"I don't know who I am anymore."

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Lee's automatic response was to say something like, "You're Starbuck," but the look in Kara's eyes and the pure panic that radiated out from her gaze the moment she uttered the words told him to tread carefully. While Kara had been vulnerable in the past, and had definitely not been her indomitable self since New Caprica, even Lee knew this conversation was something completely foreign for her. He was going to respect that.

"What do you mean?" he asked softly, pulling back slightly, but still maintaining contact with her skin. One hand lied against her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently along the soft skin there, while he held the other hand, their entwined fingers resting on top of his thigh. They were already hip to hip, her position on the propped up pillows giving them both an easy line of sight to the other.

He watched as Kara swallowed hard, the motion visible against the pale skin of her long neck, before she spoke. "When Zak died," she started softly, shifting her gaze to the ceiling, but making no other move to separate them. "He … Well, I guess that's when I became Starbuck, you know? She was loud and obnoxious and belched like a guy," she added with a smile that Lee returned. He had many memories of Starbuck, including watching one night at a bar on Caprica as she'd challenged a table full of first years to a belching contest. Kara's rendition of the Colonial National Anthem had put them all to shame.

It was probably about a week after his brother had died.

"Starbuck got me through a lot," she admitted. "Starbuck never got sad or hurt, she never pined after a guy or worried about how she looked or even gave two craps about pulling retina-detaching stunts in her bird. I just didn't care. I didn't have to."

She paused to take a deep breath and Lee hesitated, wondering if there was something he could say to make this easier for her. He chose to wait, knowing there was more Kara wanted to tell him, more she needed to explain before she'd be ready for anything he might have to offer.

"I don't think I'm her anymore," Kara finally said, voice having dropped to barely more than a whisper.

"Why not?" Lee questioned, hoping to keep her talking.

Kara shrugged. "The worlds ended and everything changed."

Lee smirked. "I don't know about that. I seem to remember Starbuck was alive and kicking when I showed up."

She had been in the brig at the time, Kara supposed that was a fair assessment. "Yeah, maybe, but somehow in the past couple of years, she's just … gone. By the time Leoben found me on New Caprica …" She paused again, taking a deep shuddering breath, still not looking at him. "By the time he dragged me off to that dollhouse, I wasn't Starbuck anymore, I was just Kara. And Kara wasn't strong enough."

Lee squeezed the hand he held, leaning over her slightly so she'd have to meet his gaze. "Listen to me, Kara. You are the strongest person I know, Starbuck or not. You survived that hellhole, survived being held prisoner by that—" He broke off mid-sentence, jaw clenched tight as he fought his emotions. The number of choice epithets he had for Leoben was growing by the second.

"You survived," he finally said, voice controlled. "You killed him, Kara, multiple times. With any other enemy, that would have been a win. It's not your fault the Cylons have an endless supply of bodies."

Her expression was sad, as though Lee were just being slow, like a five-year-old who didn't understand that the family dog wasn't waking up from the type of sleep she was describing. "It doesn't matter, Lee, I let him—"

"No, Kara. It _does_ matter. It matters a lot. You have to stop blaming yourself. You have to understand that none of this was your fault. Starbuck or no, what happened on New Caprica would have frakked with anyone's head."

"Starbuck wouldn't have given in." She spoke with a finality that made Lee a little nervous. While he hadn't really noticed it before, the way she was speaking of herself in the third person worried him. How could he convince her that Kara and Starbuck were one in the same? That Starbuck wasn't gone, that she and Kara had just grown, matured into a different person?

"Kara, I'm not going to lie to you, Starbuck is pretty kick ass." Her cheeks flushed red, but she held her tongue and Lee pushed on. "I mean, she has pulled my ass out of the fire more times than I can count, but she's just a part of who you are, Kara Thrace." He emphasized her name, squeezing her hand on each syllable for reinforcement. "And I am in love with you, Kara. All of you."

She inhaled a sharp breath and Lee saw the start of tears pooling at the bottom of her eyes. He wished telling her that didn't cause her to cry. Wished pain and denial weren't her immediate reactions to what should be something so wonderful. Lee knew given her past and her mother's upbringing it was a tall wish to make, but he wanted it for her nonetheless. Couldn't wait for the day when he would say it and she would smile.

"You can't love someone who doesn't even know who they are," she told him, finally dislodging his hold on her by sitting up. He hovered, ready to help her, but she managed on her own, back leaning against the head of the bed, her injured arm cradled in front of her. As soon as she was settled, he reached for her hand again, lacing their fingers together so she couldn't pull away. "You can't love someone who loved a Cylon."

"Kara, you didn't know about Sam. None of us did, and I will remind you of that every gods-damned day if I have to." She frowned at him, stubbornness clear in every line of her body. Her wayward tears had vanished, replaced with her usual bravado. Lee wondered how she could think Starbuck was missing—he could see his hotshot problem pilot clearly now.

"And I know exactly who you are, Kara." She leveled him with a look, one that was no doubt meant to shut him up, but had the opposite effect. Instead of backing off, instead of taking her warning for what it was, Lee scooted closer, moving both hands so they could cup her face, forcing her eyes on his.

He held her that way in silence for a long moment, studying the crease of her brow, the lines of her face, the sadness and defiance warring for dominance in her hazel eyes. There was just the smallest hint of gold sparking there, telling him she was ready for a fight, should he start one. Lee had no interest in fighting.

Finally, as if she couldn't take the silence or his scrutiny, she demanded, "Fine, Lee, than who am I?"

And then he smiled, because it was so simple, so easy, he didn't know why he hadn't seen it before. Leaning forward, their mouths only inches apart now, he stared into her eyes and said, "You are Kara Thrace. The woman I love."

And then he kissed her.

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Kara had only been rendered speechless a handful of times. Lee's admission and his kiss made her mute as he tilted his head to the side and began his sweet assault on her mouth once more. She considered for a split second pushing him away, telling him to go to hell, reminding him one more time how damaged she was before forcing herself to leave.

But the decision was made for her the minute she reached to touch him, curling her good hand into the front of his tanks and pulling him closer. The moment his chest drew flush with hers, Kara knew the time for pushing him away was past. She would try, try to be better, try to be whole for Lee.

If he was truly willing to have her.

They parted when the need to breathe became too great, Lee's forehead resting against hers, his hand covering the one she had wrapped in his shirt. Breathing in each other's air, they stayed silent for a long moment, heads tented together, hands entwined. Kara relished the contact and Lee's closeness. It had been so long since she'd been close to someone and not felt as though her skin would crawl.

The silence stretched too long, growing uncomfortable. Kara struggled for something to say, something that would keep Lee here. Despite all of his promises, she was still terrified he would run, find an excuse to bolt and leave her alone.

"Lee, I –"

"Kara, I wish you could believe me." He whispered, lifting his lips to brush against her forehead before he shifted positions and joined her at the headboard. With his solid weight and warmth beside her, Kara easily curled into his body, resting her head on his shoulder. He still hadn't released her hand and their joined hands lay clasped over his heart. "I wish you could understand how much I love you."

_I do._ The words were poised on her tongue. She rolled them around in her mouth for a moment, seeing how they felt, seeing if she could shake the oddness of the statement. Mama had claimed she beat her because she loved her so much. Zak had loved her too, but all of his promises had proved for naught. Sam had said he loved her and turned out to be a machine. Leoben had professed to love her and thought the best way to show it was to throw a fake kid in front of her and keep her behind bars.

"No one has ever loved me like you have, Lee," she finally admitted, voice soft. She could hear the steady beat of Lee's heart under her cheek and she scooted a little closer, throwing one of her legs over his, soaking up more of his heat and his solid presence. "It's hard for me to trust that."

He sighed, but didn't respond immediately. At first, Kara thought it was for the best. What was their to say to her admission that she couldn't trust his feelings or apparently her own? But the longer he stayed quiet, the more she feared he'd actually seen the logic in her statement and figured out he was fighting a losing battle.

And that's when she knew. There were no more words Lee could offer that would convince her. Whatever was between them wasn't about promises or vows or even affirmations shouted at the night sky. It was in actions. It was in Lee's presence, here, now, when he could have left. It was in the look in his eyes when he'd found her a few hours ago, or when he'd barged into that storage locker and rescued her from Sam and Tori. It was in the way he held her when they kissed and the way he cared for her when they made love. It was in the way he put her needs before his own and wanted to be in her orbit, even when she felt as though she were a sun going nova.

Their relationship was about each other, about being together and damn the consequences. It was about Kara paying attention to what was right in front of her, trusting her eyes and dismissing the evil voice in her head that alternately sounded like her mother, Sam and Leoben. It was about _this_—this moment right now and all the ones that would come after.

"I get it," she finally whispered. And she meant it. She was finally beginning to understand. "I do, Lee, I swear. I know you love me," she said softly, the idea still foreign to her, the words still odd in her mouth. "But I'm still going to have some doubts, not in you, but myself." Lifting her head she met his gaze and felt another wave of tears flood her eyes. Gods, would she ever stop crying? "It's not going to be easy," she said, stretching up to press a lingering kiss under his jaw, then following the curve of his cheek up to his mouth and kissing him again.

When they parted, Lee cupped her cheek and held her gaze, a small smile on his face and relief in his eyes. Kara could understand that, she felt lighter than she had since her return from New Caprica. "Kara, being with you has never been easy," he admitted, still smiling, taking the sting from his words. Leaning forward, he nipped at her lips, once, twice before kissing her again, his tongue tracing the edge of her mouth. She parted her lips, meeting his tongue with her own as they tried to consume one another, tried to tell each other through this simple act how much they each needed the other.

Pulling back with a soft sigh, Kara panted quietly as Lee's hand moved from her cheek to comb through her hair, brushing the loose strands behind her ear. His fingertips dragged across the skin there, making her shiver slightly. She pressed forward, ready to kiss him again, when he stopped her, placing a finger to her lips and forcing her to look at him again.

"You have never been easy, Kara Thrace," he told her again. "But every second of being with you has always been worth it."

One tear fell down her cheek, splashing onto his tank. It was quickly followed by another and then another and Kara pulled back to wipe at her cheeks hurriedly. Lee stilled her movements, taking her free hand in his and sitting forward to look her full in the face. "Kara. It's okay."

She bit her lip, feeling her entire body start to tremble, guessing she was seconds away from another meltdown. Her emotions had been running too close to the surface for too long. Lee's admission and her acceptance were too much.

"I'm here, Kara, okay?"

She nodded once, letting him guide them both back down to a lying position, Kara's body tucked into his side, her forehead pressing into the skin of his neck, his lips brushing against her forehead as Kara released more of her pain, her insecurities and finally started to accept that Lee loved her.

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8 Weeks Later

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"Kawa, Kawa."

Kacey's chant was still the quickest way to bring a smile to her face. Kara poked her head around the corner catching sight of the toddler sitting up in her and Lee's bunk obviously finished with her nap.

Blonde curls askew, cheeks flushed a post-sleep red she was still the cutest damn thing Kara had ever seen.

"Yes, Miss Kacey?" She asked unable to keep the smile from her face.

Extending her arms, Kacey returned the grin and demanded, "Up."

Kara crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "I don't know, I didn't hear the magic word."

"Peeeeeeeease," Kacey begged, her 's' still suffering from a slight baby-voice lisp. As soon as she spoke she broke into a fit of giggles before standing up on the bed and starting to jump. "Kawa, Kawa. Vipuh, vipuh."

"Oh, all right, you little monster," Kara said with a big sigh as though she hadn't known she'd give in all along. Swooping Kacey up and into her arms, Kara wrapped her good arm around the little girl's belly, starting to make Viper noises as Kacey stuck her arms out like wings and squealed, "Ready for take-off!"

Kara began to spin her around, joining Kacey's laughter with her own, as she shouted, "Checkers green, munchkin. Call the ball."

"Kacey an' Kawa, in for landing!" The girl yelled in delight and Kara headed them back to toward the bunk, both of them flopping onto the bed. It was their customary "landing" although Kara had tried to explain once that crashing was probably not the best thing. Kacey had simply looked at her with wide blue eyes, held her arms up and yelled, "Again."

After that, Kara stopped going for realism when they played.

Laughing together, panting with exertion, Kara rolled onto her back, and Kacey summarily climbed on top of her. From this position it was easy for her to grab Kara's dogtags and she pulled them out from under her tanks, jingling them as she began to sing a nonsense song. Kara stretched, trying to work out an odd kink in her back from how she'd fallen, but the movement stretched the still sore skin over her now destroyed tattoo.

She must have winced because Kacey stopped playing immediately, big eyes alighting to the abraded skin. "Kawa. Ouch?"

Kara shook her head once. "Nope, baby, I'm fine." And she was, she was so much better than she'd been a few months ago. So much better even than the first time she'd agreed to babysit Kacey for Julia—at Lee's suggestion, of course. So much had changed for her in the past eight weeks. So many things were better.

Including the few hours every week she got to spend with this little one. "All right, rugrat, what do you want to do until Lee gets back?"

Kacey's face lit up with a bright smile the minute she mentioned Lee. While Kara and Kacey held a special bond that had been forged in the direst of circumstance, Lee and Kacey were fast becoming friends. Aside from the fact that he obviously cared for her and brought the child candy every chance he had, he was also the only person on board who would play "horsey" with her. Letting a toddler ride you around definitely succeeded in winning you a special place in her heart.

"Draw!" Kacey exclaimed, reminding Kara that they did have about an hour until Lee got off shift. Once he returned, with food from the mess, they'd sit down and eat and then together they'd take Kacey back to Dogsville and leave her with her mother.

It was always the hardest task of Kara's week, even worse than the physical therapy to get her injured arm back in shape or the hours she had to spend on the deck taking care of birds, but not actually flying one. Having Lee beside her helped though. He always knew what she needed, always knew to just kiss her on the head and wrap an arm around her shoulders as they left the child behind.

He seemed to know quite a few things about her. Kara wondered why that didn't bother her anymore.

She supposed it must be love.

"All right, munchkin, let's draw." Kara picked up the girl and deposited her on the floor before going to Lee's desk and pulling out their supplies. He found them, happily content with their crayons and paper an hour later.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: Coming Back – Chapter 15/17**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Exodus, Part 2

Summary: Kara and Lee seem to have reached an understanding and Kara might finally be healing. But what is the goal of the Final Five? How far will Leoben go to get Kara and will she and Lee be able to stop him?

A/N: All right, we're close, guys, really close. I'm pretty sure I'll finish this story in another two chapters, maybe with an epilogue too. Looks like I'll only be a month late from my original deadline, should definitely be wrapped up by the end of January.

Once I'm done, I'll be sure to do a housekeeping post with all of the chapter links in case anyone has lost momentum and wants to re-read from the beginning. In the mean time, thanks so much to everyone for reading and commenting! It has meant so much to me!

Enjoy!

~TamSibling

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Chapter 15

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_She was in a new place. Kara stayed still, not risking the chance taking a step in any direction might make, choosing instead to scan her new environment with her eyes. It was a wide open plain, with knee-high grass tickling the backs of her legs as it moved gently in the subtle breeze that also ruffled her hair. It was nighttime, but a bright moon overhead provided enough illumination for Kara to make out a body of water, probably fifty yards are so away. In the far distance, a pair of mountains rose into the star-filled sky, their peaks framing the moon like a piece of art. _

_Kara didn't feel danger here, but it was still a place she'd never seen before. A place with no other people, no buildings, not anything for as far as she could see. A cry sounded out of the night. Kara tensed, waiting for the danger, but she soon recognized it as a far-off animal no doubt signaling to a comrade that food or shelter had been found. After another few minutes, there was again no sound except the chitter chatter of night insects._

_A bright, blinding flash forced Kara to close her eyes, taking a deep breath as her senses recovered from the brightness. Risking a peek, Kara opened one eyelid, only to find her worst nightmare staring back at her._

_The red, yellow, blue of the mandala was hovering in the air above her head, swirling as though a giant were stirring a pot full of sky. And then it began to rain, fat drops of red, yellow, blue and Kara knew she would drown._

_Knew she would die. Alone on a planet with no name._

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

She came to on a gasp, sitting bolt upright in bed as her body struggled to regain its equilibrium. There were spots clouding her vision, red, blue and yellow ones like the dream and she shook her head hard in order to dislodge them. Legs bent and knees clasped to her chest, Kara rocked back and forth reminding herself she was safe and there was no reason for her heart to pound so acutely in her chest.

And then, she felt Lee's warm, reassuring hand on her back, working in slow circles that he knew would soothe her. This unfortunately was not an uncommon occurrence for them. For the past eight weeks as Kara had continued to heal—emotionally and physically—she had been staying with Lee. The need was two-fold; one, Cottle still didn't believe that left to her own devices she wouldn't again try cutting a swath of skin off her arm; two, Lee had said he'd be there for her and meant it.

The best part was she hadn't had to ask him, he had just told her his quarters were his for as long as she wanted, whether she wanted him there or not. A full-mouthed kiss that left little room for interpretation told Lee he wouldn't be losing his privacy anytime soon.

So they had co-existed like this for eight weeks, together and not, because there were some things Kara just wasn't ready for. But every night, like clockwork, she awoke from a fitful sleep after a nightmare and Lee would calm her down. He would wait until her breathing was back under control, wait until the really large tremors had stopped and then coax her to lie back down, her head on his chest, his arms around her and he whisper things to her to help her sleep. Kara wasn't sure what exactly he said or how he managed to still have so much material after two months, but the words didn't so much matter. It was just hearing his soft voice right under her ear in time with his heartbeat.

It told her she was safe and loved and that was all Kara needed to get back to sleep.

"You okay?" he asked gently, his hand still working lazy circles into her back.

Swallowing hard, Kara waited a moment and then turned to face him. As much as she loved him, it pained her to see him so tired and know she was the cause. These middle of the night freak-out sessions assured that he didn't get more than three to four hours of uninterrupted sleep. She knew he'd nod off again once she was out, but she had no idea how long it took him to get back to sleep. Or if he ever truly slept deep enough to achieve REM and really get some rest.

Of course, he hadn't complained, not once.

She gave him a slight nod and then leaned forward pressing her lips to his. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

He sighed heavily. "Lay back down," he said, giving her shoulder a gentle tug. She followed his body back flat to the mattress, assuming her usual position nestled into his side. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Kara."

"It's not fair to you," she told him, tracing lazy circles with the pads of her fingers on his bare chest. He shuddered slightly at her touch and Kara stopped abruptly, worried she'd upset him. So far, he had seemed okay with her somewhat shocking abstinence, but there was no reason to mercilessly tease him either. "You can't keep going on like this, Lee. You need rest. A solid night's sleep."

She could feel him shake his head before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "If you weren't here I wouldn't get any sleep, Kara." So he had told her before. "Besides, it seems to be getting better, the dreams."

Kara figured that was true, but they weren't getting better fast enough for her liking. "I don't like the thought of you flying on bingo fuel," she added, resuming her trace of her fingers over his chest. This time he didn't seem to notice.

"I'm okay, Kara, I promise. All right?"

She swallowed hard, a sudden tightness in her throat. Lifting her head off his shoulder, she met his eyes in the dim lighting of the bunk and told him quietly, "You can't die on me, Lee. So, if it gets to be too much, please—"

He silenced her with a searing kiss that surprised and melted Kara simultaneously. He tasted like sleep and sunlight, and Kara clung to it, wrapping her arms around his neck and falling back against the pillows as Lee rolled them over, bracing himself above her as he continued to explore her mouth with his tongue. His body was heavy and warm above her, the muscles of his chest and stomach hard under her fingers as she let her hands roam over his bare skin.

Shifting his weight to one side, Lee freed one of his hands to run over Kara's body, the hand skating down her shoulder and across her breast. He paused for a moment, squeezing the flesh lightly, forcing Kara to release a deep-throated moan against his mouth. She felt his lips turn up into a smile at her response, but he didn't stop, just kept kissing her, allowing more of his weight to rest on her and bringing their hips into contact.

Kara's body flushed hot at the feel of Lee's hard length brushing against her. They had been this close before in the past months, but something had always stopped Kara, something had always pulled her back and Lee had stopped every time. He'd even left the bed on a few occasions jumping into the shower before returning to the bunk, his skin cool from the cold water he'd sluiced over his body.

She didn't feel like stopping tonight. For the first time in a long while as Lee touched her she felt whole and new again. She didn't feel as though she were dirty, something damaged that would injure Lee the closer he got. For the first time in weeks, Kara didn't see the words 'cylon whore' flash through her mind as Lee kissed her into oblivion.

Hands moving to Lee's waist, she worked them underneath the loose cotton of his sleep pants, finding the firm flesh of his butt and squeezing. The move caused him to surge against her and Kara broke off their kiss, throwing her head back and crying out at the delicious sensation of him right where she was most aroused.

"Oh, Gods, Lee, please. Please don't—"

A loud banging on the hatch interrupted her. They both pulled back, staring at each other, panting heavily as they tried to get their racing hearts under control and listen for the door. "Frak it," Lee finally murmured, descending on her mouth again. "They can wait," he told her, causing Kara to laugh as his tongue slid languidly into her mouth and she was quickly spiraling back into the desire-filled state she'd been in moments before.

Another loud bang this one accompanied with shouting broke them apart again. This time when Lee pulled back, Kara propped herself up on her elbows, more than annoyed and ready to go "Starbuck" on somebody's ass for interrupting the first sex she'd had in months. Never mind that it was the middle of the night shift and no one should be banging that hard on the CAG's hatch when he had a shift in four hours.

"Kara! Kara! I need to talk with you! Please!"

Her body grew cold as she recognized that voice. Eyes wide again with fear, she met Lee's gaze, seeing that the lust in his expression had also dimmed, replaced with something dark. "It's Sam," she muttered softly, making a motion to sit up farther.

Lee moved to the side, dropping his feet over the side of the bed and scrubbing his hands over his face. Releasing a deep sigh, he rose, reaching for his double tanks and putting them on as he headed toward the hatch. "Stay there," he told her. "I'll get rid of him."

Kara frowned, following Lee out of bed, shrugging his BDU jacket on over her sleep gear of boy shorts and tanks. She stood just inside the small sleeping alcove, arms crossed over her chest, watching as Lee pulled open the hatch, grabbing Sam's arm and forcefully yanking him inside. A quick nod to Anders' ever-present Marine guard, kept him in the hallway.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lee demanded once he'd spun the hatch shut again. "It's the middle of the frakking night, Anders. Some of us are trying to sleep."

"I had to see Kara. Something's happened." Sam's gaze was frantic, eyes big and almost glowing in the dark. Kara shivered and wrapped her arms tighter around her chest.

"You have no business with Kara," Lee told him, still unaware she was observing the scene. Dropping his voice to a harsh whisper, he added, "I thought she made that very clear during your divorce proceedings."

"It's Leoben," Sam admitted in a rush, a pained expression replacing his manic one for a moment.

Kara's body froze, her back stiffening as she pictured Leoben standing here, pictured him bringing Kacey to her, pictured him in front of that mandala smeared onto the wall of Lee's office.

"No." She wasn't even aware she'd said it aloud, until Lee turned, eyes wide as he finally realized she was standing so close. He left Sam, shaking and panicked by the hatch and moved to Kara's side in a second, arms around her waist, pulling her unwilling body against his chest. "No," she murmured again, barely aware of Lee's warmth beside her. Moments ago it had been all she could focus on; now all she could imagine was Leoben finding her. Again.

"Kara, you're safe. He can't get to you here." Lee's soft voice soothed some of her nerves, but as soon as Anders spoke again, she felt all of her tension return.

"Kara, I'm sorry. But he's so adamant." She met Sam's gaze. He had ventured a few steps closer, but a look from Lee must have halted his movement. He stood now uncertainly, weight rocking between his feet as he held Kara's eyes. He swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat before he spoke again. "He's not going to stop."

"Shut it, Anders," Lee hissed, his arms tightening around Kara's waist. She knew he was trying to help, trying to protect her, but Kara also knew it was futile. Leoben would not be denied.

If the thing he wanted was Kara, he would get her.

"Where is he?" she asked finally, voice thready and uneven as she tried to catch her breath.

Anders shrugged. "I don't know, exactly. But he's close."

"We have to talk to my father." Lee straightened, releasing Kara and moving back to the hatch. He signaled to the guard who entered this time, standing just off of Sam's shoulder. Once situated, Lee turned back to Kara, crossing the room and standing in front of her, careful to block her from Sam's line of sight.

"Kara."

He took her gently by the elbows, pulling their bodies close. From chest to knee they were touching, and it was only Lee's solid presence that kept Kara from crumbling into a million tiny pieces. "Kara, look at me."

She swallowed hard and met his gaze, biting her lower lip to keep a sob from escaping. He looked so earnest, so determined to keep her safe when Kara was growing more and more certain that just wasn't possible. At best, they'd only manage to evade Leoben, not stop him. At worst, Lee would get in the way, and take a bullet for her. If that happened, he wouldn't be waiting for her in Elysium for long. She'd follow closely behind either by Leoben's hand or her own.

"We need to see my dad, make a plan to keep you safe, okay?" He cradled her cheek in his palm, brushing his thumb gently across her skin. "Can you get dressed?"

Kara wasn't sure she'd be able to stand without Lee supporting her, but she knew the time for being afraid and weak was quickly coming to an end. No matter how scared she was, how uncertain she felt, how convinced she was that this would all end badly, she had to find Starbuck somewhere deep down and force her to the forefront. She could no longer be helpless.

Closing her eyes for a moment, Kara took a deep, shaky breath. Leoben's smiling visage floated in her mind's eye and she forced it away, forced herself to replace it with a picture of her, Starbuck, in the hours following the first attacks. She had been at her most bad ass then, taking charge and blasting Cylons out of the sky. For a second, she remembered the photo from her locker, the one she'd stared at while she prayed when she believed Lee to have been lost in the first wave. That memory was almost as damning as those of Cylons and mandalas.

She forced it down as well, making her mind blank. And then, onto that dark canvas, in broad brush strokes, she painted Starbuck and then, became her.

Opening her eyes, Starbuck stepped away from Lee, and nodded. "Yeah. Call the Old Man. I'll get ready."

Lee blinked once, surprise at her sudden shift evident in his gaze. Kara didn't have time to explain, wasn't honestly sure that she could without the hastily sketched façade dissolving under his scrutiny. "Kara?" he questioned, reaching for her hand.

She evaded his touch and his hurt expression grew tenfold. With a sharp shake of her head, she told him, "Starbuck, Apollo. It's Starbuck. Let's go."

She didn't wait to see if he understood, she simply turned, forcing one foot in front of the other, each step a little easier than the one before. By the time she was ready to leave, Starbuck's swagger was firmly in place.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee watched Kara carefully as Anders finished his retelling to the both of them, his father and the president. He'd been looking for any sign she might be losing it the more Anders confessed to knowing Leoben's intentions. But since that moment in their quarters, the fearful Kara he'd come to recognize in the past months was gone, replaced with a hard shell that told him she had managed to find some remnant of Starbuck from deep within and resurrect her.

The change was fairly remarkable. Her eyes were clear, not haunted, her body was tight, coiled and ready to fight, her voice when she spoke was controlled and authoritative. He wanted to feel relief. He should. If Leoben was really closing in, they needed Kara to be Starbuck. A fighter would be far more useful in the coming few hours and days than the frightened woman he'd been trying to help.

Maybe as a soldier he could appreciate her inner reserve. But as a man in love with a remarkable woman who had suffered far too much in her short life, he was worried that this show of strength might force Kara into such a small, tight space she would never reemerge. Lee couldn't lose her, but he distinctly felt it was a real possibility.

And one he didn't have time to worry on. Kara must have felt his gaze on her. She turned to him, looking at him for the first time since they'd entered his father's office and narrowed her eyes, shooting him a scathing look that loudly communicated her annoyance.

Clearing his throat, he forced himself to tune back into the conversation at hand.

"And you have no idea where the Cylons are now?" Roslin asked. Despite her obvious fatigue and the late hour, her eyes were bright, body rigid with attention.

Sam shook his head. "Close. That's as accurate as I can get, ma'am."

"Which you know damn well isn't good enough," Adama ground out. "Tigh and Tyrol are on their way. I'm hoping they might be able to shed some more light."

Anders shrugged. "With all due respect, Admiral, I doubt they will. Neither of them has ever implied they have the same type of connection to the cylons that I do."

"And why is that exactly?" Lee questioned.

"I don't know, Apollo."

"It's all a game." Kara spoke finally, voice quiet, eyes staring at nothing. "It's all one giant game. And my life is the frakking playing field."

"Kara, I don't believe that." Anders spoke certainly, but Lee was sure his conviction was as false as the rest of him. "I don't. I lov—I cared about you, Kara. I still do. That wasn't a Cylon trick."

Lee flinched at the words, knowing how Kara had reacted to similar assumptions recently. This time, she turned cold, dead eyes to Anders and told him flatly, "It's always been a Cylon trick, Sam. Because you're a Cylon."

A sharp rap on the hatch halted the conversation. "Enter." Adama commanded.

Tyrol and Tigh were preceded through the hatch by one of their marine guards, the other following closely behind. "What's happened?" Saul asked once the door was closed.

Adama gave him an abbreviated version. "Anders has received another 'message' from Leoben. Apparently, he's close and his target is still Kara."

"Define 'close'?'" Tyrol asked.

Silence. "He can't," Kara finally answered, startling all of them. "Because he's a pawn, just the rest of us."

"What's the plan?" Tigh asked.

"Keep Kara as far away from that psychopath as possible." Adama stated. Lee wondered for a brief moment which psychopath he was referring to: Anders or Leoben.

Tyrol cleared his throat. "All due respect, Admiral. If—"

"He's here." Anders spoke certainly, his eyes focused on a far-off point, a slightly glazed look communicating to all of them, that he wasn't fully in control of his faculties anymore. Lee had seen it in the few interrogation he tapes he'd watched. This was exactly how he looked when Leoben was speaking 'through' Anders.

"My god, Kara. You are more beautiful now than ever before," he told her, eyes softening as he gazed upon her.

The hair on Lee's arms stood on end. His first instinct was to protect Kara, followed closely by a deep need to punch Anders in the face. Instead, he froze, knowing that this new, harder Kara would not welcome his doting and despite the creepiness factor, they needed Anders talking.

"I cannot wait to see you. To show you the path to the one true God. To show you—"

"Enough," Adama barked sharply, serving to finally shut Anders up. "You're not getting Kara, so retreat now before I find you and make you regret every one of your single lives."

Anders grinned, a smile so reminiscent of Leoben that Lee shivered. He watched Kara out of the corner of his eye and saw a shudder pass through her body as well. Even though she hadn't acknowledged him for a while, he reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly with his own.

Instead of anger, she actually looked to him and gave the slightest smile, before squeezing back and then turning her palm up to meet his and entwining their hands together. Lee held on tight.

"Such a violent race, you humans," Sam/Leoben said. "Your threats are empty, Admiral. You'll never find me. Only Kara knows where I am. And she will find me. She will come to me." He looked back to Kara, the smile still on his face. "You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace. You will bring them all to their end."

"Guards, remove him!"

"I'll see you soon, Kara," Sam/Leoben promised even as he was carted off by two marine guards, both of them needing to bodily lift him from the floor to get him out of the room. He kept spouting nonsense as he left and only once the hatch was shut and his voice was gone did Lee release the breath he was holding.

Not caring about her self-imposed isolation or how it might look to any one else in the room, Lee rose swiftly and sat beside Kara, never breaking his hold on her hand. He draped a light arm around her shoulders and while she didn't turn into him or sag against him as had been her wont in the past months, she did press her body into his side just a bit, making sure they were touching, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. Lee swore he heard the slightest exhalation of breath too as he settled beside her.

"Captain, I don't want you to worry," the president was saying, but no one seemed to be paying much attention. "I realize—"

"Are we near a planet?" Kara asked suddenly, brow furrowed as though she were trying to recall a name or a picture buried deep in her psyche.

The Old Man looked to Lee, cocking an eyebrow. Lee simply shook his head. This was a surprise to him as well.

"No, Kara, not a planet. We did happen upon a nebula a few hours ago. Gaeta and Dualla are determining the best way for us to get the Fleet through. It doesn't appear to present any danger, but—"

"I have to go out there," Kara said firmly, clear eyes intent on the Admiral. "I need to see it."

Lee's heart started to pound. "Kara, we can see it just fine from the Observation Deck. Come on, I'll go with you."

She shook her head sharply, turning to face him. "No, Lee. That's not good enough. I need to get in my bird. I need to go out there."

"Captain, considering what Anders has just told us, do you really think that's wise?"

Kara actually gave the president a small smile and tilted her head to the side, an expression so reminiscent of Starbuck, Lee almost laughed. "I never pretended to be all that smart, Madam President."

In spite of the moment of levity, Lee's heart still hammered in his chest. "Why, Kara? Why do you need to do this?"

Squeezing his hand tightly, she met his gaze steadily, refusing to look away. Lee couldn't either. "I can't explain it, Lee," she murmured. "I can't. But my dream and what Sam said … there's something out there and I have to see it." For a second her expression wavered and she was his Kara again, not this false Starbuck. "Please, Lee."

As if he was ever going to deny her. Anything. Ever. "Just don't tell me I can't go with you," he murmured, resting his forehead against hers.

She released a breath, the sigh tickling his eyelashes. "Never. I'm going to need Apollo on my wing."

He pulled back slightly to give her a smile. "Always." Taking a deep breath, he held her gaze for another moment and then turned back to the room at large. "Dad, we're going to need two birds prepped and ready to go. And any mapping Gaeta's already done of that nebula."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"You realize this is one of the worst ideas you've ever had," Lee said as he hiked his flight suit up around his waist.

Kara didn't turn from where she was getting geared up too, but she did smile softly. "I've got a reputation to maintain, Apollo."

He huffed out a laughed, but didn't elaborate and then finished getting ready in silence. Kara knew he was right. She knew this adventure could easily end in her death or his or possibly force Adama to hold a joint funeral for them both. But she couldn't deny that something about this, in spite of how wrong it felt, also felt right.

Her body practically hummed with her eagerness to fly. Since Adama had given them the all clear, Kara had barely been able to stand still. She was ready, despite being out of the cockpit for over three months. She knew this was the right move. She knew that whatever danger lay out there, meeting it at the stick of her bird was the only way for her to have a fighting chance.

"Hey."

She turned, not surprised Lee was standing just behind her. He leaned forward to kiss her, just a brush of his lips across hers and in a rush of memory she remembered their truncated make-out session from earlier. As he pulled away, Kara leaned forward, capturing his mouth again, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling their bodies flush. She probed at his lips with her tongue and he opened to her eagerly. They were quickly lost in a haze of desire. Again, Kara marveled at how right it felt. Just like flying, she was ready for this, for a life with Lee. She just had to be sure Leoben was gone for good.

Pulling back reluctantly, Kara gently rested her hands against Lee's chest, placing her forehead against his cheek. Breathing heavily, she told him, "Thank you."

She felt his cheek move as he smiled. He brushed a kiss to the skin just above her ear. "I think there's enough gratitude to go around," he told her softly, hands resting gently at her waist.

Kara shook her head, reveling in the feel of his solid presence for just a second longer. "Not for the kiss. I have other ways to thank you for that," she murmured, pressing her lips against the upside of his jaw and taking a quick nip. He squeezed his hands around her waist in response. "I mean, thank you for listening to me. For supporting me through all of this. I know I'm not making a whole lot of sense."

Lee pulled back slightly just so he could meet her gaze. He was still smiling. "Well, you do have a reputation to maintain."

She barked out a laugh, swatting playfully at his chest. "I'm serious, Apollo. I know this is a risk. A giant leap of faith, but I—"

Lee stopped her, pressing his finger against her lips. "Kara, I'd never let you go out there by yourself. And it's really not as big a leap of faith as you think."

Puzzled, she frowned. "What do you mean?"

Lee opened his mouth to speak, paused and then closed it again, keeping his silence. Kara waited, knowing he would talk when he was ready, truly curious as to how he was possibly going to justify doing something so insane as to fly into a nebula they barely knew anything about.

"Kara, my faith is in you. So, in the grand scheme, flying blind into a space anomaly, not that big a deal. Not if I'm following you in."

She felt the start of tears pooling against her bottom lashes and Kara looked away quickly, trying to keep them in. She'd been doing so well, keeping Starbuck in place, not faltering under the stress or the fear and letting Kara reemerge. But still … "I don't know what I ever did to inspire that kind of faith, Lee," she told him softly, voice tight with tears.

He kissed her again, light and easy as though they weren't flying into an uncertain future and then shrugged. "I love you, Kara. It's that simple."

She shook her head, meeting his gaze this time and murmured, "That simple, huh?"

He frowned, thinking about it for a second. "Okay, simple might be overstating it. But I do love you, Kara Thrace."

"I …" She didn't know why she hesitated now. It was the right thing to do, confess her love to him now and give him something to hold onto if she didn't make it back. At least he'd have the memory.

"Tell me when we make it back, Kara," he said, as if reading her mind, one of Lee's growing talents. "But just remember, I'm going to hold you to it."

For once, the thought made her smile with no trepidation, no fear. Brushing a kiss to his mouth, she told him, "I wouldn't expect any less, Apollo. I really wouldn't."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**


	16. Chapter 16

Title: **Coming Back – Chapter 16 – THE END**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Everything up to and including Exodus, Part 2

Summary: Kara finally seems okay with the idea of being with Lee, but what will her journey into the nebula reveal?

A/N: Hi everyone! So, here's what happened … I was writing this today, getting toward the end and I realized as I wrote the last scene that maybe this was a good place to end it. But maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just fatigue talking. So, I need your help … once you've read, please take a moment to let me know if you think something is missing. While there were many elements to this story, overall, it is about Lee and Kara and their relationship post-New Caprica.

As always, I appreciate your patience and your support while I finished this story. I'm not going to say it was a labor of love (it got a little too long and cumbersome for that), but it's important to me as a writer to never start something and not finish. You, as the reader, don't deserve that.

I hope you enjoyed this story and I truly hope you enjoy the ending. Happy reading!

Yours in Kara/Lee-shippiness,

~TamSibling

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG **

**Chapter 16**

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"Out of all the rope you've ever given Thrace, I think this time she might actually hang herself with it," Saul told him. He was standing at his elbow, allowed in CIC only because Bill didn't really view him as a threat. His marine guard was still present, standing just in the doorway. Of course, every officer on the bridge was armed, a privilege of wartime. Now that Saul's status as a Cylon was common knowledge, he didn't think any of them would have an issue pulling a gun on him. Not that they'd have likely had an issue before either.

Forcing his mind back to the task at hand, Adama studied the DRADIS, waiting for Kara and Lee's birds to show up on the screen. He had the bridge speakers tuned to their frequency.

"Apollo, Actual."

"Apollo here. Go ahead Actual."

He took a deep breath, considering for a moment and then said, "Be careful out there."

He could hear the smile in Lee's voice. "Good hunting is what you say, sir."

"Well, it's what I say, at any rate," Kara chimed in. She sounded freer than she had in months. She was a true pilot, Bill could relate. "Don't worry, Actual, I'll keep an eye on him for you."

"And who will keep an eye on you, Starbuck?"

Her snort of laughter sounded like a particularly rude burst of static. "As if anybody ever could, sir."

"Apollo, Gaeta. You should be approaching the outer edges of the nebula now."

"Yeah, we see it. Starbuck, I'm on your six."

"Copy that, Apollo. I'm going in."

The nebula was a red circle on DRADIS, Lee and Kara's green blips appearing to cross the outer edge of the anomaly as though they were crossing a line. Bill knew it wasn't nearly that easy.

"What do you think Thrace is really looking for out there?" Saul asked, voice pitched low enough so only Adama could hear him.

He considered for a moment, listening as Gaeta relayed a few more warnings to Lee and Kara. Finally, he said, "I honestly don't know. But I hope she finds it."

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Perhaps from a distance, the nebula would look pretty, ephemeral. A handful of watercolors thrown against the blackness of space, its shape and consistency something like cotton candy Kara could remember eating at a fair once, before her father left. She remembered watching them make it, running the paper cone around and around the edges of the big barrel collecting wisps of the pink confection until there was a large puff of sugary candy on the end. It made her fingers pink. And when she got home, her mother had forced her to scrub them with a wire brush in scalding water to get the dye out.

But here, in the midst of the nebula, there was little to distinguish it from the rest of space. Once she and Lee passed through the outer edge, they were enveloped in hazy colors of orange and red. Their birds were buffeted by random pockets of gravity, created by the bits of debris and space junk that the nebula had absorbed as it grew. So far, it hadn't interfered too badly with their comms, but the transmissions from Galactica were growing weaker and weaker the farther in they ventured.

"Starbuck, Apollo. What do you see up there?"

"Apollo, Starbuck. More of the same. You?"

"Ditto." His voice was tight with concentration. They had to be alert out here. Their flight path was littered with large bits of what once might have been a planet. Flying into one could easily lead to pulverization.

"Frak!" Kara grabbed her stick, pulling hard, her ship jumping up and over an asteroid that had appeared from nowhere. "Apollo, banked hard to starboard, now!"

"Copy that!"

She pulled harder on her own stick, bringing her bird end over end in a move that had gotten her a handful of demerits during her days at the Academy. But it was the quickest way to get eyes on her six and she needed to be sure Lee got clear.

She watched him juke to the right just in time to miss the asteroid, even as she felt the impact of small ones against her hull. She'd be pounding out divots for a month.

"Frak, Kara. That was close."

"Apollo, Actual. Are you all right?"

The Old Man's voice was tight with worry. Kara cringed, only able to guess how hard it must be for him to watch and listen with no control over the outcome. "Actual, this is Apollo. Yeah, we're good."

"Proceed with caution. Actual out."

"Copy that, Apollo out."

Kara heard the tell-tale double click of Lee switching comm channels and she followed him to the ship-to-ship frequency. "Kara, we're getting eaten alive out here. Any thoughts on what to do next?"

She paused, considering. It was true. Their planes weren't indestructible and neither of them was infallible. Eventually one of those asteroids would find its mark or they'd pass too close to a gravity pocket and end up a permanent part of this nebula. But Kara knew there was more to it still. She hadn't found what she'd come out here to find. Not yet.

She remembered her dream from that morning. The dream that had prompted her to get in her bird in the first place. When Anders-as-Leoben had mentioned that she was the only person who knew where to find him, she'd instantly known he'd been talking about the empty field from her nightmare.

She'd almost passed out when she'd seen the preliminary images of the nebula and noted how its primary colors were blue, red and yellow. Whatever was happening, whatever had been happening in the past weeks and months, Kara was meant to be here now.

"We have to go lower, Lee."

"What?"

"The nebula. Gaeta said it's as deep as it is wide, we need to go lower."

"You mean, to the part he hasn't mapped yet? Yeah, Kara, that's a great plan."

In spite of his sarcasm, she knew he'd follow her across the River Styx if she asked. "Lee."

"I know, Kara, I know." He sighed. "There's a chance we'll lose comms."

She smiled, righting her bird, so she was again leading the way. "Just don't lose me, Apollo."

"Not on your life."

She had descended a good fifty meters further when her comms went dead. Kara double-clicked, trying to rouse Lee on the ship-to-ship and was only met with static. "Frak." Slowing her descent and pulling up and over to her port side, she waited until she had Lee in her line of sight, hanging off her wing at about three o'clock. Despite the murkiness of the nebula, she could still see him. He looked worried.

Tapping the side of her helmet, Kara shook her head once and then mouthed, "No comms."

Lee nodded and mouthed back, "I know."

Kara paused considering what they should do. The soldier in her, the pilot said turn around. It was far too dangerous to be flying into the muck with little to no idea of what lay ahead. Add the fact she and Lee had no comms and could easily end up drifting into the others flight path and this was turning into a fairly dangerous flight of fancy.

But she couldn't turn back now. And Lee knew it. He waved once, grabbing her attention and mouthed, "I'll follow you."

She felt a burst of something in her chest: pride, love, warmth, comfort. Lee had never faltered in these last few months. No matter what Kara had thrown at him—literally and figuratively—or how testy she'd become or how broken, he'd stuck by her. Considering their history, and the fact that she'd left him, sleeping naked in a field after declarations to the night sky, he should have punched out ages ago. Hell, he shouldn't even have bothered with her when she got back from that hellhole. But he was still here.

And maybe most importantly, she was still here and she wanted to be with him. And no matter how afraid she was of what might lie below the hard deck, she was willing to stick it out.

"Copy that," she mouthed back and then banked her bird to port, righting her trajectory before she pushed her stick forward and started a fairly steep descent into the nebula.

It was a bit like being a cat's toy, batted back and forth by unseen forces instead of paws. Kara jolted in her chair, body straining against her harness a few times hard enough to bruise. She could barely see the tip of Lee's bird as he flew up and off to her starboard side, but she knew he was keeping pace.

The instruments in front of her had been wailing for quite some time, especially after a fairly large bit of debris took out an engine under her left wing. She was fine to fly without, especially as she didn't envision encountering any bogies out here, but it was frakking with her maneuverability, making her more vulnerable to another hit that might leave her spinning.

A high-pitched siren told her it was getting worse. Checking the read-outs, she saw the latest cause for concern—they were approaching the hard deck. A point of no return, the line below which most pilots didn't make it back. The nebula swirled before her, the red, yellow, blue of the clouds forming into concentric circles like the ones from her dreams. And through the eye of the storm, pointing directly at the point of no return she could see the barest glimpse of a planet. And that was where she needed to go.

"Lords of Kobol," she muttered, her grasp on her stick growing tighter, making her fingers ache. "Hear my prayer. Please let me see this through. Please let Lee see this through." She paused, releasing a breath. She had always thought praying for the things she really wanted was a bit too much like tempting fate. It was okay to pray for big picture things: surviving a dogfight, making it through another day on New Caprica. But to voice her deepest desires, to put them out into the universe where others might hear or see seemed too great a risk.

Until now. Until she literally had nothing else to lose. "I love him and I need him. Lords of Kobol, protect your son, Lee Adama, on this day. So say we all."

Inhaling a deep breath, Kara closed her eyes, picturing Lee's face, his blue eyes, the smile he shared with her and her alone. She remembered for just a moment the way his lips felt on hers, how it felt when he held her in comfort or passion. "I want that," she whispered aloud, finally. "I want him."

And then she pushed her stick forward and hit the hard deck.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

"Kara!"

Lee had hoped with everything he had that Kara would pull back, that she wouldn't decide today was a good day to try on her suicidal tendencies and push her plane past the line. Truthfully, he'd known the odds weren't good—maybe one in ten thousand—that she'd pull back, but still, watching her push forward and disappear, her bird flashing out of existence in a burst of bright light that flooded his cockpit, made him want to retch inside his helmet.

"Apollo, Actual … you … hear …?"

Still in shock, Lee breathed deep, fighting back tears and dread. She couldn't be gone. He couldn't believe she was gone.

In fact, he knew she wasn't. Kara had wanted to come out here and she'd wanted him with her. And no matter how much they fought, Lee knew she'd never wish him dead. She wouldn't have dragged him out here to kill him, nor was she going to kill herself.

Ignoring the broken transmission from Galactica, Lee took a deep breath and released it, murmuring a prayer as he did so, something he never did. "Lords of Kobol, keep her safe and please, let me find her."

Then, he pushed his throttle forward, lining up his plane with her point of entry and pushed through the hard deck behind her.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

As soon as she'd pushed through, a bright burst of light had blinded her, making any attempt to steer irrelevant. Kara had simply ridden it out, eyes tightly shut behind her visor waiting until the roller coaster ride stopped. It culminated in the same feeling as being shot out of a launch tube and when Kara hesitantly opened one eye and then the other, she could see tranquil space even around the black dots that still cluttered her vision.

She sucked in a breath. It was beautiful. Kara had flown a few combat exercises around Picon in her academy days and more recently, she'd flown a Raptor down to Kobol after she'd returned with the arrow and gone in search of the tomb. She had seen plenty of planets from space before.

But none like this.

The planet hung in front of her, perfectly framed by her canopy, an atmosphere of white clouds swirling above a mostly blue surface with bits of dark green and brown peeking through.

Kara scanned her read-outs, checking for a breathable atmosphere. She had to get down there. This was why she'd come. A beeping from her console sounded drawing her attention.

Kara frowned. There was a signal coming from the planet, a beacon of some type it seemed, sounding from the middle of a fairly flat patch of land on the light side. With a shrug, Kara pointed her bird in that direction, set a course and let her Viper guide her in.

She must be insane. It was the only real explanation for her behavior in the past forty-eight hours. Kara had always been known for her willingness to fly a bit too close to the sun. She supposed it had been a way to stick it to her mother. A way to show her that she hadn't beaten Kara's spirit out of her, no matter how hard she'd hit.

She'd been reckless then. But her current bout of temporary insanity wasn't borne of recklessness, but something a lot scarier. The Oracle's words came back to her. _Aurora and Apollo must walk hand in hand to bring light to the day. Light cast into the darkness removes the shadows and burns away the fog. You must embrace the light, Kara Thrace._ It had everything to do with Lee.

As she descended into the outer edges of the atmosphere, she tried to reach him. "Lee? Apollo, do you copy?"

There was still static. Kara swallowed down a bubble of bile. She prayed he'd waited on the other side. She couldn't run the risk that he'd attempted to follow her and died in the attempt. She wouldn't be able to form a thought, let alone land her bird. And no matter how far she'd come in the past few months, if he died out here, she would be responsible and Kara knew she wouldn't survive that. The guilt would kill her.

The proximity alert beeped once, signaling it was time to focus on flying. Kara deployed her landing gear, skimming the upper atmosphere of the planet, looking for a suitable spot to land.

The waving grasses and the mountains in the distance were unmistakable. Kara recognized the field from her dream immediately. The only thing that didn't fit was the small craft, a Cylon heavy raider from the looks of it, sitting a few hundred meters from a stand of short trees. Swallowing hard, Kara did another scan, finding no other signs of civilization in the vicinity or any other types of tech.

Of course, she wouldn't. Because it was Leoben. And he was prideful enough to believe he didn't need back-up or air support to complete his mission. His mission of getting to Kara once again, maybe for good this time.

She swung out and over the clearing in a wide arc, and by the time she came back around, she could see him now, a small figure against the expanse of nature standing unarmed, with his face turned toward the sky—smiling.

Kara swallowed hard, fighting back a chill. She knew she shouldn't land. Just about every instinct in her told Kara to get a firing line on him and blast his sad carcass out of his boots. Satisfying as the thought was, she knew it wouldn't end this though. If she didn't confront him, he would still haunt her dreams. She would still look for him around corners, she, the Admiral and Lee would never be able to listen to a word Sam had to say from this point forward, always assuming he was speaking for Leoben through some type of Cylon connection.

No, this ended here. And she would end it.

Taking a deep breath, Kara began her landing sequence.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

He was still standing where she'd seen him, not bothering to venture closer. Kara kept him in her line of sight as she hauled herself up and out of her cockpit. Once on the wing, she chucked her helmet back onto the seat and then unzipped her flight suit tying the sleeves around her waist. Her gun was strapped to her belt. She'd already checked her clip before she even got up.

The air was fresh and clean. Kara drank in deep lung fulls, amazed at how it filled her and energized her, making her body feel more alert and alive. She had never felt this way on New Caprica. There a lung full of air was accompanied with a lung full of dust, leaving a gritty after taste that no amount of water, or the Chief's hooch could wash away.

The sun was bright, but not hot. It was a perfect spring day from what Kara could remember of the seasons and perfection. Not too hot, not too cold, a soft breeze caressing her skin as she climbed off the wing of her bird and took the jump to the ground, landing in a squat. Standing upright, Kara stretched her arms over her head, wiggling her fingers and toes, reveling in the amazing feeling of being alive. Gods, she hoped Lee had followed her in, he deserved to experience this.

She scanned the sky above, looking for any hint that he might be following her down, but the blue was unmarred by anything except white clouds. Kara forced her immediate disappointment down. It didn't mean he hadn't survived. He was still alive, probably panicking on the other side of the hard deck, waiting for her return. Just as soon as Kara was done here, she'd find him and bring him back. Maybe even kiss him under this beautiful sun on this beautiful day in this beautiful field.

"I knew you'd come."

Kara darted her eyes back to Leoben seeing that he had approached close enough so she could hear him, but not close enough to be within arm's reach. He looked much as the same as he had on New Caprica—spiky yellow hair, a placid expression capped off with that creepy grin. His clothes were more utilitarian than she remembered, no flowered shirt. Instead, just a set of gray cargoes and a long sleeve black shirt. Her preliminary assessment proved correct—he wasn't armed. Still, Kara didn't relax.

"I'm not here for you," she told him, willing her heart to stop racing. She was in control now. This wasn't New Caprica and it sure as hell wasn't some random dream.

He tilted his head to one side as though considering her statement and then tsked from the back of his throat. "Yes, you are. You're here because you knew I would be. Because we were destined to meet on Earth."

Kara blinked once, twice, swallowing hard, certain she'd misheard him. "What did you say?"

He smiled wider, extending his arms out to his sides as though to encompass the entire field they stood in and told her, "Welcome to Earth, Kara. You've found it."

"You're lying," she intoned, unwilling to believe another of Leoben's lies only to find her entire world again in shambles at her feet.

"Why would I, Kara?" He took another few steps forward, still not within touching distance, but Kara backed up a step anyway. "Why would I lie? This is the thirteenth colony, the original home of the thirteenth tribe and you have found it. You have brought your people here. And together, we will lead them in prosperity."

She snorted. "Together? I thought you understood that was never going to happen," she told him. Kara dropped her hand to her sidearm. She wasn't quite ready to pull it, but she wanted to be reminded it was there.

"Why else would you have listened to Sam and come here to find me?"

"I didn't come here to find you, I came to—"

She paused, uncertain how to finish. Why had she come? Because something had called to her? Maybe it had been Leoben. Maybe it was his assertion, relayed through Sam, that she was the only person who could find him.

Maybe all of this was still some elaborate plan; a game Leoben had been playing with her life for longer than she could remember.

A pop startled them both and Kara looked up, squinting against the sun to make out a small dot against the blue sky. As it grew in size and shape, she felt an immense weight lift off her chest; it was a Viper, it was Lee's Viper. He'd made it.

"He doesn't understand you, Kara."

She glared at Leoben as he spoke. She'd let her guard down and now he was standing close enough to reach her. With a suddenness she wasn't prepared for, he seized her by the arms, gripping so tight she knew she'd have bruises. "I'm the only person who will ever understand you, Kara. Your pain, your sadness, your need to be loved. You must know that by now."

Kara swallowed hard, tracking the descent of Lee's bird over Leoben's shoulder. With all of her might, she pulled away from him, bringing up a fist to connect solidly with his jaw as he stumbled away from her, off balance and startled by her sudden movement.

Leoben straightened, wiping blood from his jaw, his eyes no longer holding their look of patient condescension, instead tinged with anger. "Why must you reject our love, Kara?"

"I don't love you and I will never love you," she told him, voice tight as she forced the words out. She wasn't going to listen to this anymore. A few months ago, she might have actually believed him, actually believed she wasn't worthy of anything but the false love borne of a machine's obsession. She knew better now.

Pulling out her sidearm, she aimed at him as he took another step forward. "Say goodbye, Leoben."

He raised his hands in front of him. "Kara, think about this. There is resurrection ship nearby. If you kill me now in a fit of pique, I won't be able to come back to you. You'll go through the rest of life unloved, misunderstood, unaware of the plan God has for you."

Kara shook her head once. In some ways she could almost pity him. But then she thought of Kacey and New Caprica and Sam and she didn't feel anything but anger. "I already am loved, Leoben, by a man a hundred times better than you. And you can tell your god to frak off."

"Kara, I—"

She ended his lies with a bullet to the head. As she lowered her gun, she heard Lee call her name, but she didn't answer him, just sank to her knees in the grass, laying her gun at her side and heaved a heavy sigh.

It was over.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

Lee heard the gunshot just as he hit the ground. His entire body froze for a second, the air in his lungs gone in a rush of adrenaline and fear that maybe Kara hadn't been the one to deliver the decisive shot.

"Kara!"

He ran toward her, sprinting through the tall grass, barely aware of the beauty of the scene around him, only aware that while Leoben wasn't moving, Kara wasn't either. He'd seen her hit the ground, down on her knees, face buried in her hands. He willed his body to run faster. He'd caught a glimpse of their tense stand-off as he'd circled once above before settling down to land, but he wouldn't trust that Kara had persevered until he could see her and touch her and know that she was whole.

His legs burned with the effort of sprinting. As he reached her side, he all but stumbled in the grass, falling down beside her, hands out, ready to do something to assure himself that she was okay.

"Kara, are you hurt? Talk to me." He placed his hands on her either side of her face, tilting her head back so he could see her. Her eyes were closed but he could see the track of tears on her cheeks, a few drops stuck in her lashes. "Kara?"

And then she opened her eyes and Lee felt his breath rush out of him for the second time in as many minutes. Her hazel eyes sparkled, making it obvious she wasn't crying tears of pain, but happiness. She mimicked his gesture, placing her hands to his cheeks, her palms warm against his skin.

"You made it through?" she whispered, fingers fluttering along his hairline, across his jaw and down his neck until she finally rested her hands against his shoulders. "I thought maybe—"

"We both made it through, Kara." He smiled at her, his own relief threatening to choke him.

Her smile deepened into one of actual joy, a look that had been missing from her face for far too long and then she pushed herself forward, arms winding around his neck and kissed him. Lee sighed with relief and contentment and kissed her back, arms wrapping around her back, pulling them together. He licked against her lips with his tongue and she opened her mouth to him, even as he felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. Lee found her tongue, eagerly entangling it with his own.

Maybe it was the fresh air or the sun or just the unmitigated joy of knowing everything was finally okay, but Lee knew in that moment that they were going to be all right. She pulled back from him, panting lightly against his cheek as she fought for breath. Her hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck and Lee simply squeezed her tighter, making sure there wasn't an inch of wasted space between them.

"It's over, Lee. He's gone and … it's over," she murmured against his skin, finally leaning all of her weight against him as she released a sigh.

"I know, Kara." He pressed a kiss against her temple, rubbing circles along her back, hardly able to process how amazing it felt to hold her like this, when she was so relaxed and soft in his arms.

"Oh, and Lee?" She pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw, before pulling back far enough so she could meet his gaze.

He smiled at her as she returned the grin once again overwhelmed with gratitude that they were both alive. "What is it, Kara?"

"Two things," she said, holding up her pointer finger as she leaned back against his arms and let him support her. "One, welcome to Earth."

He blinked, doing a quick scan of their unbelievable surroundings: blue sky, green grass, a faint breeze, the sound of some type of insects buzzing, the smell of fresh dirt and new life. "What?"

"I don't trust Leoben on most things," Kara said, not even bothering to look in the direction of the dead cylon's body. "But he did say one thing that I think he might actually be right about. This is Earth."

"Oh my gods." Lee could barely believe it, although like Kara, he did, despite the information's source. "Kara, you found Earth!" he exclaimed, squeezing her tighter again. Barely thinking, Lee pulled them both to their feet and then lifted Kara in his arms, swinging her around. She let out a shout of joy, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, face buried against his neck.

As he set her feet back on the ground, he pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, dragging his fingers against the soft skin of her cheek. He could see that with her fair skin, she would suntan easily. Her cheeks were already a little pink from just this minor exposure. He had a sudden vision of Kara, skin a light shade of brown, hacking down trees and building cabins for the colonists to live in. And Lee right beside her.

"I'm pretty amazing, aren't I?" she asked as a tease, giggling softly to let him know it was a rhetorical question.

But not for Lee. "Yeah, Kara. You're amazing," he breathed sincerely, tilting her face up to meet his and kissing her again. This one was softer and sweeter than the first one, a longer, slower exploration, passion building quickly as Kara opened her mouth to him again, swirling her tongue against his and pulling their bodies flush as they continued to kiss. Gods, he wanted to frak her right now on the ground, on Earth, propriety be damned. It had never worked for Lee to be all that proper with Kara in the past.

They broke again for air, but this time, they barely separated. Kara's hands were everywhere, her fingers light against his skin as they glided over his face and neck and then down the front of his flight suit. She undid the zipper there, pushing the stiff fabric back off his shoulders, her hands returning to explore the skin of his arms. Lee returned her touches, hands gliding down her arms, stopping to gently trace the outline of finger shaped bruises Leoben had left there. Lifting her arm up, he placed a soft kiss against the abraded skin, barely more than a bus of his lips. He trailed the kisses from her upper arms to her shoulder, dragging his mouth against her skin, up the side of her neck before pressing a kiss to the skin just below her ear. He nipped at the spot, laving his tongue over it to take away the sting, but Kara barely seemed to notice. She mewled softly from the back of her throat, pressing her body back into his, one hand placed gently, but firmly against the back of his head, encouraging him to continue. Lee obliged, knowing he'd leave a mark, and not caring. Apparently, Kara didn't either.

"Mmm, Lee," Kara breathed against his ear, lips brushing against his cheek as she hummed again while he kept his lips firmly planted against her skin.

"Mmmm?" he replied, not quite willing to interrupt his task; she tasted too good.

"There's one other thing. Don't you, ah … don't you want to know about the other thing?"

He could give a rat's ass what other thing Kara wanted to tell him, but if it was important enough for her to remember now, in the midst of this, he was willing to listen. Pulling back reluctantly, he brought his mouth to hers, kissing her again, a full-mouthed kiss that kept them from speaking for another few minutes.

Only when he needed a breath, did Lee pull away from her, their bodies still connected from shoulder to knee, his arms still wrapped around her back, one hand at her waist, his pointer finger having found the soft skin of her back under her tanks, gently rubbing back and forth, while his other hand supported her at her shoulder, keeping her locked against him. "Okay, Kara, what's the other thing?" he whispered, lips brushing against the shell of her ear.

"Well," Kara murmured, leaning back slightly to meet his gaze. Her expression was soft, unguarded, but confident. It was an expression he'd seen from her maybe once or twice before in all of their years of knowing one another. Lee felt such a ridiculous surge of happiness for her that she could be in this peaceful place finally. She deserved it.

Placing a palm against his cheek, Kara locked eyes with him and Lee's breath hitched in his throat; she was really going to do it. "I love you," she told him softly, her faint smile breaking into a wide grin as he smiled back at her. "I love you, Lee Adama."

The happiness he'd felt magnified tenfold in that moment and he knew he'd never forget it for as long as he lived, which was going to be a gods-damned long time with Kara beside him on this new Earth she had found while they had been finding their way back to one another.

"I love you, Kara," he answered her and then he kissed her again, and new Earth or no, neither Lee nor Kara was aware of much else for quite some time.

**BSG BSG BSG BSG BSG**

A/N 2: The End or … ? Let me know what you think!


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